What_Next Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 My story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t233265/ It's a MASSIVELY long read, so I'll skip to the end game. STBX got involved in an EA which turned into a PA. She went to visit him in Michigan, we live in Canada 4 times. The last time she took our daughter while I was away on business. She has admitted to sleeping with him multiple times. She has completely confessed although I don't believe her. So far it seems I am the only one suffering for her spreading her legs for this BOY (he is 23, she is 34). I want to leave and get out on my own NOW. Come on, those who have gotten beyond an affair let me hear it. I'd prefer males, but I'll listen to anyone.
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Only one thing I can suggest... thermonuclear divorce warfare... Contact a solicitor/lawyer ASAP. Protect your assets. Stop being nice to your STBX. She has treated you like crap; time to return the favour.
lostsunsets Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 PNP is right. I read your story. She is a cake eater. after reading your history with her, you guys seem to be pretty much quits. I hope you got her off your accounts and CCs. Take care of yourself and focus on your daughter. And be very glad you don't own a house.
Bryanp Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Your wife is a real piece of work. You get beyond it by divorcing and not allowing her to continue to humiliate and disrespect you. Let her become someone else's problem. Protect your child.
InceptorsRule Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I agree divorce is the only option in your case. Also get your child DNA tested. You have NO WAY of knowing whether or not your wife has ever done this before. The child might not be yours.
U2RockZz Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 first get out, then time will take care of everything......
Author What_Next Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 I have signed a 1 year lease and dropped off a deposit. I move in to the place with my mother (she currently lives with "us") on Oct 1. I have my own chequing account now. It's over.
Owl Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Nothing wrong with making the choice that you're making, based off what all has gone on. Took me a while to read through your other thread. As far as "moving on"...my suggestion to you would be to replace the marriage counseling you've been doing with some individual counseling for yourself...give yourself a "safe place" to be able to sort through all the emotional trauma you're dealing with right now. Other than that...you might look at online divorce kits and/or contacting the courthouse directly to see what documents you can fill our and file on your own...that could save you quite a bit in attorney fees in the long run.
Distant78 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Good. Should've been done a long time ago from reading your thread. Just make sure she doesn't try to pull any BS from this point forth man. Good luck.
Steadfast Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Get over it? I'm not sure if that is possible. It's like a bad injury; the pain goes away but the memory and the circumstances that led up to it leave you with a lot of what ifs. But you'll use the experience to your advantage. What eventually made the pain go away was the hardest thing of all; letting go. Until you do it'll eat at you and keep the heartache alive. The finalization of the divorce was also huge, for two reasons. First, it proved to her that I would not allow myself to be walked on or tolerate it any longer. Second, I wasn't being cheated on anymore. Now, my ex was just another woman having sex with somebody. It took a lot of mental training to reach this point, but I kept (keep!) at it. The key to that was being as kind to her as I could. This was a tremendous influence on my kids too. You WILL made it through. The road is bumpy. It has to be. It'll make you tougher and soften you up all at the same time. Eat, exercise and sleep.
FryFish Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 wow... I just spent like 3 hours reading your story... That is really ****ty man. I think you owe corporate an apology.
Distant78 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 wow... I just spent like 3 hours reading your story... That is really ****ty man. I think you owe corporate an apology. I think so also, and Business. They were only trying to help him. I read his thread and I agree that the way his STBXW acted had AFFAIR written all over her from the beginning. He said how he was open to all comments but when someone said his wife may be cheating on him he got defensive. They were only trying to help.
Owl Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I gotta go with that as well. I was thinking something similar while reading the thread (after today's post directed me there)...and going back and looking at it again, I've got to agree. Corporate wasn't being rude or disrespectful...he was bringing up what he thought needed to be addressed. He even turned out to be right.
Author What_Next Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Hard to disagree with what everyone is saying. Good heavens considering the emotional wreck I was, I was likely to go off on anyone. Anyone that has been through what I have can attest to that. Despite the fact that I had to the one to finally say enough is enough, what else could I do, it still hurts like hell.
Darth Vader Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Hard to disagree with what everyone is saying. Good heavens considering the emotional wreck I was, I was likely to go off on anyone. Anyone that has been through what I have can attest to that. Despite the fact that I had to the one to finally say enough is enough, what else could I do, it still hurts like hell. I didn't read the whole book to be honest, but, how old is your child? Did your child meet the OM, and hear your STB-Hex screwing the OM? What a Bitch! DROP HER ASS! Your response when she said that you might meet someone should've been, "well, you got to ride someone else, what's wrong with me screwing some other chick"!? "You can have fun at my expense, but when it comes to me, Oh Hell no!? Just 2 possible responses!
redtail Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 ... Despite the fact that I had to the one to finally say enough is enough, what else could I do, it still hurts like hell. Yes, it really does, I understand. Please do all the things you must to make life right for you, you've started by doing the right things already. But be diligent, get it done as quickly and as efficiently as you can and I strongly recommend you get a lawyer. This is akin to removing a band-aid, don't prolong the agony, just rip it off fast and be done with it! By staying busy getting her out of your life, your life will become better. In a year from now, when all the dust is settled and your are on your own two feet and she is out of your life, you will have peace of mind. Trust me. Best of luck to you my friend...
FryFish Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 And dont relent at any point. You have to consider that her EA half a decade ago was much much more than that... In all likelihood it WAS a PA then as well. Please dont take offense to the anger I have for your stbxw but that bitch took YOUR KID(Hopefully anyways... After so long with her though I doubt I could go through with a DNA test just in case she wasnt mine... That would be completely devastating) to see her 23 yo ****buddy! She is a world class CUNT! DO NOT LET HER SUCK YOU BACK INTO HER LIFE! lol... wow, the C word isnt bleeped.
Author What_Next Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 FryFish, I do agree with you. It's the fact that she took my child that is just sticking in my craw. If I could I'd bury her, but I cannot. For now I am just getting out and starting a new life. I'll admit that I have been pressing her for details on the affair and she has been offering them up. Some of the details I already knew and she has been telling the truth. Although that doesn't matter. I am leaving anyway, the lease has been signed. Like it or not with an 11 year old child we'll be part of each others lives for the near future. I can only hope that my life moves forward in a positive direction and she learns that she made the single biggest mistake of her life.
Darth Vader Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 FryFish, I do agree with you. It's the fact that she took my child that is just sticking in my craw. If I could I'd bury her, but I cannot. For now I am just getting out and starting a new life. I'll admit that I have been pressing her for details on the affair and she has been offering them up. Some of the details I already knew and she has been telling the truth. Although that doesn't matter. I am leaving anyway, the lease has been signed. Like it or not with an 11 year old child we'll be part of each others lives for the near future. I can only hope that my life moves forward in a positive direction and she learns that she made the single biggest mistake of her life. What she did was no mistake, she did it intensionally to hurt you!
Author What_Next Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Darth_vader you might be right, if that was her intent then mission accomplished. I guess my ultimate revenge will be moving forward with my life. Although I am not sure how to begin that just yet.
Author What_Next Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Well she has found her way to LS. Here is her thread. If anyone wants to comment on it, either negatively or positively enjoy. I will be interested to see what everyone has to say actually. Talk about walking into the wolves den. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244828/
Author What_Next Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 A few updates to this story. First I know for sure that any and all contact between her and the OM has ended. She has turned over any and all passwords, phone records etc. It is over. Now, she has genuine remorse and she is making steps towards what appears to be repairing the damage she has done. She has entered into IC. They have identified borderline personality disorder, abondment (spelling) issues etc. All of which I sort of knew already. We are still moving apart (me on Oct 1, her on Nov 1). I have also met someone new. With all that being said I am honestly still thinking of at some point talking to her about reconciling. With that in mind is there anything that anyone would suggest for a marriage post affair? Is it crazy that I will likely want to sleep with my new lady before reconciling? This is all so wrong on so many levels.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I've been away after being banned for telling the truth on one poster who liked swinging and open marriages. but i digress. You are on ehr thread after saying you wouldnt be protecting her from the harsh truth from other posters. She needs to hear what she has done...PERIOD! Now that being said, your still in a state of flux, it's written in your words, You want to seperate and reconsile, but you've met someone and still want to marry your ex? WTF are you smoking! Dude pick a road and stick to it! I think your still in love with her...You need to resolve that issue before anything else!!!
Author What_Next Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 CB, you are right. I am just confused and I need to sort it out. As usual you have the tact of a drunken sailor, but point well taken.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I find it interesting that you would engage (and out) your STBX here on LS, what's the point? Game playing's a foot here. You need to decide what it is you want & go that route, as previous posters have mentioned. I was about to begin my post with how I got through my turmoil, but I don't think any advice anyone gives you will be meaningful until you decide whether to D or attempt recon. Bottom line, to remain "on the fence" - as you are now - is to INVITE the very agony you claim you want to be rid of. Moreover, by association, this woman you're seeing will very likely get burned too; needlessly... (her character's already in question, given she's willing to start some kinda R with you). You're at a cross road, OP; and guess what? Both paths involve pain, atleast initially. But you can't travel both paths and keep your sanity for very long. Your world will only deteriorate further if you don't figure out which path to walk down, wholeheartedly. just my two cents.
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