KsLost Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Do you think it's possible for somebody to love you but not respect you? I feel that my husband (we've been married 2.5 years) does love me, but he doesn't respect me. I have talked to him about this a few times and I can never get him to actually say "I respect you." Instead, he always answers "I love you." One time he told me he respected me, but I really think that was only because we were arguing and he was tired of fighting with me. Just for a little background in my story: Instead of kissing me first thing or asking me how my day has been, he will say somthing stupid to me like your boobs are beautiful and try to fondle me -- I'm not complaining about this, but he's obsessed with my boobs, if he could marry a pair of boobs he probably would have. Another thing we argue disrespect about is that he wants to "go" on my face. What is a man's pride in this? I ask him if I could urinate on his face and he tells me this is different (not that I think I could complete this task, but I'm trying to make a related point). Most recently, I have gotten off birth control (1. we have been talking about kids, but nothing has been officially decided -2. it was making my hormones crazy and I was a complete Bia. -3. it was starting to affect my blood pressure) and the other night we were having sex without protection (stupid I know) and were in a position where he was in control and out of no where he says "I'm going in you." I yelled no, but it didn't stop him -- I know he had enough time to pull out, or he wouldnt have had time to tell me he was going in me. Before he even finished I was in tears and extremely pissed off. I yelled at him to get away and to leave me alone that he doesn't respect me, and the only thing he would reply is "I love you." I ended up leaving the house for about 8 hours, and bought a Plan B pill without telling him anything. I've really been contemplating a lot after this incident. I'm really confused about everything now, if I want to stay with him, if I really want kids. I just don't know any more and this has really pushed it to the forefront. I know I'm not perfect and I have a lot to work on myself about too, but what do you think? I want to know if you think love without respect is possible. Why or why not?
Iconoclast Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Words. Who cares if he says "I respect you". Words. Actions count, and his actions do not seem like he respects you. Ha, if he weren't such an a**hole he could probably "go" wherever he wants. BTW, that's super common in porn, he probably just wants to try it. Kinda hot if the woman is into it.
Don Ho Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 You guys sound young. He sounds really immature. I'm sure he does love you, but I sure don't think he respects you. It doesn't matter if he says it, he sure doesn't show he respects you. That may be partly your fault. Maybe you haven't shown him good boundaries from the beginning and what you expect and demand from a mate. Maybe you guys should head for marriage counseling instead of heading towards divorce court. PLEASE do something about birth control!! You DO NOT want to have kids with this man and be further locked in if he's an a***hole that cannot or will not change.
SoConfusledandHurt Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Sometimes when I read threads like this...I think "geez lady lighten up" BUT then I think about it for a minute and realize that you must be getting sick of being compared to porn? You come across as extremely resentful of your hubby and its building. nip it in the bud now with marriage counseling. It can only get worse from here, if you dont change anything. And bitching and crying to a man doesnt do a dang thing to change him...so work on what you can change...you.
redtail Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Do you think it's possible for somebody to love you but not respect you? ... I somehow get the feeling you already know your answer, by the question and scenario you describe, you just need confirmation. Respect, to my way of thinking, is more apparent by someone's actions rather than what they say. And it seems to me, that his actions do not respect you or your wishes. And maybe to some peeing on your partner is "hot", I personally don't get it. But for those that do, it absolutely must be a mutual consent/desire type of thing, otherwise it is disrespectful. I think these behaviors are "building bricks" in your relationship. It's time to start communicating in a way that tears them down now before that wall of communication gets too much. This is a good time to consider marriage counseling to "tune up" the communication skills between the two of you, so you understand his actions and he understands that your needs are not being met. Resentment, if left unchecked, is a hard thing to overcome once it festers. Best of luck to the both of you!
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