12yearsin Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I have been with some one for the better part of twelve years. What seemed like to me completely out of no where he confessed to cheating on me (after I pointed out why I thought he was). He has always been faithful, I am sure of it. A week later he ended things with me completely. I made all of the classic mistakes in the beginning like crying and admitting to depression. I know I was way to needy. He is very ready to tell me information about him and her. It did not take long for me to discover he was still sleeping with her. At first he said the were not serous they got along, she was like a friend. A month later I discovered he went away with her for a few days! Hurt doesn't even explain how awful I feel. He says they are a couple for lack of a better word. Here is the thing, he still insist no one can ever compare to what we had, that he loves me (not in love though), when he gets married he wants to marry me, and no one can ever compare. His family still invites me places and he seems upset that I decline the invites. Please someone help! What do I do now? Is their hope for reconciliation? Is this girl a rebound? Is there hope? Is he just playing with my emotions? I love him so much, we were engaged!
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Don't listen to what he says. Look at what he does. Words are meaningless. Actions are everything. He is still f**king someone else, and describes them as a couple?? Why would you even consider taking him back? The only way that reconciliation works is total repentance. He doesn't even seem to regret what he is doing in the slightest, in fact he is carrying it on even now that you know about it! What an a**hole!!!!! Get rid! Move on... and be thankful you didn't get married to this obnoxious cheater. You dodged a bullet there.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Hey 12 - that is a long time to be with someone and he is giving you mixed signals. Get into NC, stop talking to him and listening to his lies. He has moved on but doesn't want to lose you as a safety net if things don't work out with his new fling. I know it hurts but you are worth more than the way that he is treating you. You can do this it will just take some time. Start working on yourself, getting yourself and your identity back. Stay here with us, talk to us, not him. He doesn't deserve your time or energy now that he has choosen to wreck your 12 year long relationship.
Author 12yearsin Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Thank you for the advice. you are right. It just was a really long relationship and we have a child together. LC will be the way to go..
Sambo Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I love him so much, we were engaged! The first thing you do is go to a therapist for your self esteem issues !!! Do you hear yourself ???? You love a man that is abusive and treats you like dirt or even less then dirt. I don't mean to be mean but you have issues and you really need to re-evaluate your self worth. Get as far away from this man and his BS as you can. If you don't he could ruin the rest of your life !
Author 12yearsin Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 wow Sambo, a bit harsh but thanks! I honestly already stopped talking to him (LC, we have a child) and started to move on with my life (hanging with long lost friends, getting my degree...) I posted because I do love him and had a hard night. Just needed some reassurance and clarifications from others. I know what he is trying to do (doesn't think I will leave permanently because of the child, thinks he could go have fun and come back later). Just had a hard night.
Sambo Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 wow Sambo, a bit harsh but thanks! I honestly already stopped talking to him (LC, we have a child) and started to move on with my life (hanging with long lost friends, getting my degree...) I posted because I do love him and had a hard night. Just needed some reassurance and clarifications from others. I know what he is trying to do (doesn't think I will leave permanently because of the child, thinks he could go have fun and come back later). Just had a hard night. I'm very happy to hear it was a temporary thing because no one should ever feel that way about themselves. We all deserve love and we all deserve to be respected on the most basic of human levels. Your fantastic the way you are never let anyone belittle you or steal your dignity.
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