trippi1432 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I hate that our songs thread got canceled...as a BMG artist and a close friend of Roy Acuff, I hate that copyright infringement of the Nashville suits have taken artists rights away to advertising and fair use..but I truly understand LS's stand on the matter...I deal with intellectual copyright infringement in my own company....so not dissing in any way. Just a zillion songs blinking through my head right now. This week, I start the filing to make my D final...I've never done this before. I've been D'd from but never did the D from someone who walked away...but I know that there is nothing there to fight for. He's happy...our son is happy...I couldn't ask for more for them.
foamy2001 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 good luck trippi.... It can only get better, right?!?! I hope so for both of our sakes!!!
Author trippi1432 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Thanks Foamy, I hope so. Just going over a 3 page document....a piece of paper that represents 15 years of my life, a little over 3 years of that married. I guess the emotions are so mixed...I didn't ask for this, didn't want it to come to this, didn't walk away and tried to make it work....I'm angry but I am sad too. I'm angry at him that he didn't do anything to make it work on his end...didn't try, didn't see the unhappiness, didn't care enough. I'm angry at myself for not doing more, for not changing for him, for not being what he wanted me to be....and then I am angry for putting that on myself. I'm angry that our lives have come to this....a 3 page document. I look back and try to find the good, but all I see is the bad. I know that he loved me and I know that I loved him, but I also see how we didn't show that to each other enough. So many "what if's" pass through my mind....what if he had stopped drinking, would our lives have been different....what if I had stopped reacting negatively to him when we argued...would that have changed anything? What if we had left the past in the past, would we have communicated better? What if we had really listened to each other instead of putting each other down, would that have changed things? If I want to be honest with myself....what if he had become the man I needed him to be (the one he pretends to be now) while we were married....would I still be here looking at this paper.....or would I have been a better wife?
Trimmer Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I understand your emotional ins and outs, ups and downs... 5 years after we split, and 2 years after our divorce was final, every once in a while I still roll it back over in my head. I swore I'd try not play the "what if" game, but I ask a lot of the same types of questions as you do. My big one these days: what if we had put the same energy into repairing and building our marriage that we have put into the emotional recovery from our split? Ah well... It does get better, though. The peaks and valleys mellow, you get to know and appreciate your new life and yourself as an individual... It's a loss, but not the end.
Author trippi1432 Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I understand your emotional ins and outs, ups and downs... 5 years after we split, and 2 years after our divorce was final, every once in a while I still roll it back over in my head. I swore I'd try not play the "what if" game, but I ask a lot of the same types of questions as you do. My big one these days: what if we had put the same energy into repairing and building our marriage that we have put into the emotional recovery from our split? Ah well... It does get better, though. The peaks and valleys mellow, you get to know and appreciate your new life and yourself as an individual... It's a loss, but not the end. Thanks Trimmer, I know that time is the only thing that can really put the feelings into perspective. That is a big What If too...and you are right...years from now when the leaver reflects on their life they will see that if they are honest with themselves.
Author trippi1432 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 (edited) An open letter to my ex: Dear Ex: Today I gave you the only thing I could give you as your wife...your freedom. It is yours to do with what you want....with who you want for absolute. I only ask that you give me peace in return, that you stop hurting me or us hurting each other as we did for 15 years. I'm so tired of all of that...somewhere I would just like to find a day without drama, without yelling and screaming...a day of just peace.....in return...I will give you a lifetime of silence for that is what you deserve. If you were a man who ever cared about something other than himself, we wouldn't be where we are today. I will credit you to this...something you have taught me with all the years of hurt that we bestowed on each other...if someone hurts you...walk away as fast as you can....for that, I will never know happiness. I should have followed that lesson 14 years ago when you left me in pain in the hospital with the child you had to have with me. We were the ones that you ignored for 14 years as what you possess you pi** on. I do know that life is too short to be this unhappy....your words the day you left...I had been telling you that for years...but unhappy is where you chose to be and I can't change that for you....eventually, it's just down to where I can't for you and you cant' for me....a stalemate. And in that regard...yes, time to part ways and make the best of things on our own. I struggle today to make my way back to myself....not because you were stronger, but because with you I was who I became....that was wrong (even if those few and fleeting moments made me feel like myself..I guess it wasn't me). I should have kept my identity separate from you...as I now know this...I will never be that vulnerable or stupid again. I'm sure somewhere being a mom and wife I had an identity crises...and I know I did that to myself. I am truly sorry that I made you that unhappy, as your wife...I know how that feels when it falls on deaf ears. My hope is not for your happiness because I am honest. You hurt me and it will not be forgotten or forgiven....I work mostly on forgiving myself for hating you....for standing by you when I meant so little....having been there with you..I will not let myself be there again with anyone. While you have someone to make you feel "whole" today, one day you will feel the emptiness that I, as your wife, have felt for many years. Love Me - he hated that I signed everything this way...only befitting Edited September 3, 2010 by trippi1432
Steadfast Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I know you heard this before, but you're not going to find peace or happiness until you forgive. As people, I don't believe we're designed to host hatred inside ourselves for long periods of time. It's like a virus, or an infection...it'll grow and fester and gradually effect everything else. So, hard as it is to stomach, you need to forgive and move on. What he did, he did. His choice, his decision, not yours. We can't always choose how we react; sometimes, it's just instinct. Let the guilt go. Another way of looking at it is, don't take on his misery, confusion and unhappiness. For lack of a better way of explaining, 'they' (whoever that is) say the best 'revenge' is to live a good life. I don't see it as revenge, but I do want my ex to know that what she did and who she hurt affects her far, far more than it does anyone else. Maybe she'll pass that on. It's a start. When we love someone, we truly don't want to see them in pain or miserable. When we express these feelings we sometimes get accused of being controlling. That just confuses the heart and makes more sadness. So, trippi, let forgiveness, understanding and love heal your soul and free your spirit. Heal yourself with regular portions of lovingkindness.
Author trippi1432 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 I know you heard this before, but you're not going to find peace or happiness until you forgive. As people, I don't believe we're designed to host hatred inside ourselves for long periods of time. It's like a virus, or an infection...it'll grow and fester and gradually effect everything else. So, hard as it is to stomach, you need to forgive and move on. What he did, he did. His choice, his decision, not yours. We can't always choose how we react; sometimes, it's just instinct. Let the guilt go. Another way of looking at it is, don't take on his misery, confusion and unhappiness. For lack of a better way of explaining, 'they' (whoever that is) say the best 'revenge' is to live a good life. I don't see it as revenge, but I do want my ex to know that what she did and who she hurt affects her far, far more than it does anyone else. Maybe she'll pass that on. It's a start. When we love someone, we truly don't want to see them in pain or miserable. When we express these feelings we sometimes get accused of being controlling. That just confuses the heart and makes more sadness. So, trippi, let forgiveness, understanding and love heal your soul and free your spirit. Heal yourself with regular portions of lovingkindness. Thank you for your kind words Steadfast and I know this, was on here just a couple of months ago talking about forgiveness and how we need to forgive....it just gets harder and harder when you keep getting dumped on. I have resigned myself to the fact that I don't even know how to start to be happy again because that is not allowed to me....if I try, someone will knock the wind out me for it. In some cases, it may even be something I do to myself as well. It's been there for 15 years of my marriage, my ex dumped his misery on me and I took it....for 13 years my company dumped on me and I took it, my children dump on me and I take it...now I know the best defense is to just stop caring.....caring about anything just = hurt.
You Go Girl Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 (edited) You have to decide that it's time to stop holding onto that hurt like it's a prize. Those words are meant to be kind. What can you still hold onto about him? The hurt? The pain? It's all you have left to hold onto? Stop...because it's self-inflicting now. I do care, you know. Edited September 3, 2010 by You Go Girl
Author trippi1432 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 You have to decide that it's time to stop holding onto that hurt like it's a prize. Those words are meant to be kind. What can you still hold onto about him? The hurt? The pain? It's all you have left to hold onto? Stop...because it's self-inflicting now. I do care, you know. I know YGG - thank you...I keep working on it.
nobmagnet Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Tadaaaaaahh if this shows im forgiven. chin up chuck you did the right thing and its time to partaaaaay nobby xx
Author trippi1432 Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Glad to have you back sweetie.....now behave...lol!!! :D:D
44caliberloveletter Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Lameeeee that the songs thread is closed. hmmm, you can post whatever you want song lyrics'-wise on FB all day long and not get sued, but if you post to a thread it's illegal? Sounds like some BS to me and paranoid webmasters.
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