Bogo123 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I'm 32 and I thought I would be married by now. My friends are either married or in long term relationships. I feel alot of pressure to hurry up and settle down because of my age. I want to get married and raise a family but I don't want to be an old dad. Anyone else feel this way?
Crazy Magnet Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I have days when my ovaries literally crawl out and yell at me "Get on with it old fart!" and then I remember all the things I have accomplished and realize that I could not have done these things while having babies at the same time. I'm fine with being single and in a LTR for now, but I do feel that "push" to get on with the marriage/family bit. My BF is 35 and I know he thought he would be married with kids by now. Sometimes I think he feels it more than I do. lol
alexlakeman Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Some of us got married in our early-mid twenties and were divorced by low-mid 30's, so don't rush it, but I know what you mean... I even think about it now in my low 40's.. I don't want to be dating when I am 50, I'd like to be settled for real by then ... Look at it this way, if you rush into it and have kids and then get divorced, you'll be paying child support and even maybe spousal support.. so don't rush into it..
gypsy_nicky Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 My life plan is get married around 40. Or is this way too old?
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Bogo, I know how you feel. I'm in the exact same boat; same age, same feeling. I figured that, by now, I'd be looking at high school for my kid. Admittedly, I was close to having it back when I was younger, but life had different plans for me. Of course, like Alex said, the other way isn't always better. After seeing the girl I was engaged to and how she turned out, I don't think I would've been happy spending my life with what she has become. To a degree, I am counting my blessings.
lino Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I don't quite feel the same way about it as you but then again I'm not yet 30. I'm nearly 29 now and it doesn't happen often but I sometimes worry that if I haven't found at least a serious girlfriend by the time I'm 35, the women available to me will either have kids, a failed marriage( or more! ), way too much experience from trying to live the 'Sex and the city' lifestyle or God forbid...All of the above! I've been seeing a girl lately who's very lovely but with my previous history, I haven't got a great deal of optimism
wishing4thefuture Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I'm 32 and I thought I would be married by now. My friends are either married or in long term relationships. I feel alot of pressure to hurry up and settle down because of my age. I want to get married and raise a family but I don't want to be an old dad. Anyone else feel this way? Sure! It's tough sometimes, but you do still have lots of time for everything. You always have to remember when you think about a situation that you want to be in, that someone out there is in that situation and would like to be where you are. Think about it.. married dude, two kids.... "man, if i were a bachelor right now i would be living it up...." Not perfect, but it helps!
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Wow i thought i was the only one/ My moms been complaining asking me when im gonna give her grandbabies. LOL. I'm like im a bachelor,momma! not alot of women approach me on some i'm, feeling you kick. And im too damn old to be chasing females nowadays. I'm a cynical bastard... lol. But im trying, but i am a bit jaded.
Eeyore79 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 The problem for me is one of reproduction. I'm 30 now, and it would probably take a couple of years of dating for a guy to ask me to marry him, then we'd be engaged for a while, so by the time the wedding actually happens I'd be at least 33. Allow a year or two of marriage before we're ready to have kids, and that makes me 35 before I even pop one out, never mind producing siblings a couple of years later. That's if I meet the right man now - if my current bf is the right man we'd be having kids when I'm about 35-37, and every year that passes without me finding the right man adds a year onto that schedule. It really can't stretch much further; I either need to find the right man in the next couple of years, or I need to compress the schedule by getting pregnant before we get married (which is not ideal). This understandably puts a great deal of pressure on relationships - I don't have time to waste on the wrong guy, so I'm constantly trying to figure out asap whether a guy is the right one, so I can dump him and move on if he's not. Guys, on the other hand, can get married and have kids at any age, so they have no such worries.
wishing4thefuture Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 ..it would probably take a couple of years of dating for a guy to ask me to marry him.. Nope! Marry Me? There, now that that's out of the way, have you talked to your boyfriend about what he wants from the future. Marriage proposals aren't all done in secrecy. Usually the future is discussed as the relationship progresses. That's if I meet the right man now - if my current bf is the right man we'd be having kids when I'm about 35-37, and every year that passes without me finding the right man adds a year onto that schedule. It really can't stretch much further; I either need to find the right man in the next couple of years, or I need to compress the schedule by getting pregnant before we get married (which is not ideal). You need to stop planning your life because it doesn't work! All sort of unexpected things can happen. If you would like to get married and have kids as quickly as possible, than find someone else that does too. Well, that's how I feel about it anyway. This understandably puts a great deal of pressure on relationships - I don't have time to waste on the wrong guy, so I'm constantly trying to figure out asap whether a guy is the right one, so I can dump him and move on if he's not. Guys, on the other hand, can get married and have kids at any age, so they have no such worries. Don't think of people like that please. Talk to your boyfriend about the relationship to see if it can be improved. If you get good enough at improving the relationship together it could work out for you. Guys have the same fears and insecurities about getting married, and getting dumped (*ahem) that girls do, so your equals in the relationship.
Tony T Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 (edited) I'm 32 and I thought I would be married by now. My friends are either married or in long term relationships. I feel alot of pressure to hurry up and settle down because of my age. I want to get married and raise a family but I don't want to be an old dad. Anyone else feel this way? It took you billions of years to finally be born on this planet. Don't rush things now. Enjoy yourself. You waited a LONG TIME!!! Edited August 31, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Eeyore79 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 have you talked to your boyfriend about what he wants from the future. Marriage proposals aren't all done in secrecy. Usually the future is discussed as the relationship progresses. Yeah, I've talked to him. He wants a long term relationship and wants marriage at some point, but he doesn't seem the type to jump into anything too quickly. Wanting those things doesn't necessarily mean he'll want them with me, but I'm sticking it out for a while because I think there's potential that he might. However at the same time I feel like I'm taking a huge risk by wasting a year or two of my life to wait and see if he might want to commit to me, but I don't see that there's any way around that. If you would like to get married and have kids as quickly as possible, than find someone else that does too. So how exactly do I identify these guys who will want to marry me within a year? Should I dump guys who don't commit to me immediately, even if I really care about them? That just doesn't seem like a workable strategy.
Philetus Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I'm 32 and I thought I would be married by now. My friends are either married or in long term relationships. I feel alot of pressure to hurry up and settle down because of my age. I want to get married and raise a family but I don't want to be an old dad. Anyone else feel this way? I'm 44 and I have trouble dating in the 37-40 age range because many of those women want babies and want them soon. I've had my kids and I'm done. I suggest living it up for 5-10 years and then start dating women in this age range.
In_Repair Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I can't totally relate, because I got married at 22 and I already have two kids. The only way I really want to make another child of my own would be if I married a woman without kids who had always wanted one. I think it's unfair to marry a woman who wants kids and then never give her one. I wouldn't mind a stepchild either... but my personal drive to pro-create is done. So, I don't feel the desperation in being unmarried in my mid thirties. On the contrary, dating now, in my thirties... is so much more fun. All types of women are open to me and I am at a stage of life where I can play many roles. I can be the young stud to the older ladies, or the mature nurturer/teacher to the young ones.
Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I'm 32 and I thought I would be married by now. My friends are either married or in long term relationships. I feel alot of pressure to hurry up and settle down because of my age. I want to get married and raise a family but I don't want to be an old dad. Anyone else feel this way? Nope. You're not alone.
paddington bear Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 To put a positive spin on this, when I realised that the chances of me actually meeting someone at my age and even getting as far as a date, let alone a relationship were slim to none, I kind of thought 'well, it's just not going to happen, you will be alone forever, might as well, not worry about it and just try to enjoy life'. And strangely, since I've taken that attitude, men have crawled out of the woodwork suddenly. Maybe the key is not to think about it and just think, well, I'm not getting any younger, might as well squeeze in as much fun as I can while I still have the energy. This is not to say that I haven't felt the way the OP has on numerous occassions. I have, and still do on occassion. But that has been limited by the fact that as soon as I consciously decided to enjoy life, that suddenly my man-free existence became less man-free. I think I am emitting a happy vibe, and people want to be around people with happiness and fun radiating from them.
Stung Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 OP, when I met my now-husband he was 35, had had significant live-in relationships but never married and was absolutely sure he never would marry. I was 30, going back to school, still moving around, and not even planning on thinking about trying to have kids for another 7 or 8 years. Now I'm 35, he's 40, we're married and living on an island and our son will be turning two this fall--we're starting to talk about having another. Life just happens sometimes and often not the way you thought it would. We're glad we found each other of course but we're also glad we had a lot of years before we settled into family life to travel and experiment and learn how to communicate and compromise in relationships. Granted, we might be what you were thinking of when you said you didn't want to be an 'old dad' . Oh well...it's always a trade-off. There are people my age with kids in middle or even high school, but I don't envy them AT ALL. I'm thankful I had those years to live alone and do what I wanted, it made me ready to be a parent in a way I personally would never have been back then. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Gattica Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 OP ~I feel the same way, quite often, being in my mid-thirties. I go back and forth on it though. Hell, I know I wouldn't want to be married to any of the men I had LTR's with in my past. Those relationships ended for a reason and I am glad that I didn't marry the fella who asked me to in my mid-twenties. I don't know. We aren't all meant to be paired up, perhaps. I honestly don't know. One thing that differs, I am not interested in having children. I am also not interested in dating men with children...so, at my age, that limits the dating pool a bit. Thankfully, I don't mind my own company!
Ruby Slippers Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 To put a positive spin on this, when I realised that the chances of me actually meeting someone at my age and even getting as far as a date, let alone a relationship were slim to none, I kind of thought 'well, it's just not going to happen, you will be alone forever, might as well, not worry about it and just try to enjoy life'. And strangely, since I've taken that attitude, men have crawled out of the woodwork suddenly. Maybe the key is not to think about it and just think, well, I'm not getting any younger, might as well squeeze in as much fun as I can while I still have the energy. This is not to say that I haven't felt the way the OP has on numerous occassions. I have, and still do on occassion. But that has been limited by the fact that as soon as I consciously decided to enjoy life, that suddenly my man-free existence became less man-free. I think I am emitting a happy vibe, and people want to be around people with happiness and fun radiating from them. Great post! I'm 34, and for a while after I ended my last relationship, I felt pretty sure the whole husband and kids enchilada wasn't going to happen for me. Now I acknowledge that this may be true, but it may be not, so I'm not sweating it. I've never been dead set on that destination, and I can see my life being happy on the traditional or non-traditional path. And now that I've stopped worrying about it, men are coming at me from everywhere! I guess the old adage about things coming to you when you least expect or plan for them is true.
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