bicyclebrat Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Hello all, I'm new to this community but decided to join because the responses I've read seem really sincere. I hope someone can give me advice. I'm twenty-three, and my accumulated life experiences to date have been far from ordinary. Coming from a fragmented household, I spent the last of my teenage years trying to piece my life back together. Some of the worst times (briefly working in the adult industry, substance abuse, bad friends) have been countered by a lot of blessings: two years ago I left my hometown and traveled all over the country on the good grace of strangers, and last year I was able to transfer to a four-year college, which has been a second chance for me. I've really turned my life around, and fortunately, the only visible "scars" I've got are bad tattoos & bad grades on my college transcript. Unfortunately, my emotional scars from those sour friendships and abusive partners are much deeper. I've realized that my old lifestyle was responsible for inviting those relationships... But, in the past three years I've gone from having many lovers to being almost solitary. I've maintained a few close friendships, but I haven't had any physical or romantic contact since 2007. At first, I was in so much pain because of some bad situations with men that I didn't want to date. But that has changed, and now when I try to flirt or act interested, men don't seem to reciprocate. Same with new friends--there's not the "spark" there once was. I'm terrified of not making new friends or ever being in love again. My appearance hasn't changed, but I may as well have gone from beautiful to horrible the way men act around me now. I wonder if I'm too "prude" to ever find a partner, or if I wasn't really attractive to begin with (was it just the lifestyle that was attractive?). Please help. I feel so down all the time, and everyone else my age is going out and meeting boys and having a great time. I don't want to fall back into old patterns of abuse and partying, but I don't think it's healthy to be alone like this either.
TouchedByViolet Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Welcome! Just reading your post it is clear you have a at least a functioning brain (which seems harder and harder to come by) and a drive to improve yourself. A few suggestions to help you on your way... 1- Find a hobby where you can meet other people who share a similar desire. Sports? music? art? These environments are great for meeting people, making connections and possibly strong relationships. 2- Have you started college? There are soooo many people at school, not a better place to meet people. Classes, clubs, events etc. attend, attend, attend! 3- If possible find a professional to discuss your emotional scars. One's as deep as yours often need guidance to heal properly. 4- Try not to take any big steps back, you will only beat yourself up over them later.
Cee Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'm in a similar boat. At one time, I had plenty of boyfriends and flings. But I also was a bipolar, needy and alcoholic trainwreck. And then I clean up my act, get professional help, and become a self-assured, independent person. (AND I lose 20 pounds so I'm not overweight anymore). I am now a balanced, low drama person who would never think of having a screaming fight with a guy b/c he looked at another girl. Like I used to. And now, NADA. I have no problem setting up dates or guys flirting with me. But after the first date (or before), they next me. I think I bore them to death. I have no answers for you at all. In fact, I'd love some answers myself. The only thing I can tell you is that my life now being single & healthy is a million times better than when I was crazy & attached. I have made a lot of friends and try to see dating as an adventure, rather than my only chance for happiness. Bicyclebrat - if you figure out what's going on, let me know. I am completely confused.
tman666 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I agree with TouchedbyViolet. The more reasons you give yourself to maintain a lifestyle of self improvement, the more likely you are to stay on track. It's not easy doing the responsible, smart things sometimes. However, big results come from the sum of little choices. Don't let attention from the opposite sex be the gauge of your successes. Have patience and keep working hard towards your goals.
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