How strong are your boundaries?

[Confused4Now]

Having been both a MM and OM...I've learned a lot through therapy and my friends on LS. One of the the things which I can say I've gotten pretty good at is my boundaries. I'm curious as to what boundaries have you gotten stronger in? So I'll start....

 

1. Met up with Women on dating sites who say they are divorced and they aren't. I just walk away.

2. Kept my xMW out of my life...no roller coaster ride anymore.

3. Not allowing my xW to control me through abuse.

4. When I'm approach with MW who are close friends and they want advice...I just give them my therapist name and number.

5. Try not to be the KISA....

[Owl]

Through my years of marriage, I've learned to:

 

1. Recognize the type of women I'm attracted to.

2. Learn to recognize when I find myself attracted to someone I know.

3. Take intentional, conscious action to deny that attraction to grow.

A. Limit interaction with that person. No non-work related conversations of any kind.

B. Deliberately minimize any interaction opportunities with that person.

C. Ensure that all communications with that person are copied "to the team"...never one on one.

4. Avoid any kind of opposite sex friendships.

5. Recognize danger topics to avoid in conversations with other women:

A. Relationship issues

B. Emotional or "charged" subjects.

C. Nothing 'inappropriate' or risque.

 

The bottom line for me is that I know I'm human, and occasionally attracted to other people. But I know and understand how that attraction builds into a relationship/affair...and so I learn to watch for the attraction and kill the opportunities to allow it to grow. It's "affair proofing" my marriage on my side at least.

[silktricks]

I have very strict boundaries.

 

1. Never have business lunches with only men. This is difficult due to my line of work. But doable.

2. Never joke on inappropriate topics - with men or women

3. Never discuss personal issues - especially marital issues

4. Recognize my danger areas and avoid them

5. Make contact with my husband at least once during the day.

6. Recognize when I am becoming attracted to someone, and drastically limit any further interactions.

7. Stay honest with myself about myself. i.e. don't give myself a pretense for questionable behavior by saying I must do <fill in the blank> because of work, or am not attracted when I am, etc.... (This is my MOST important one )

8. No opposite sex friendships

[desertIslandCactus]

1. Would only date someone I was attracted to.

2. Have lived by: No intimacy outside of marriage.

[BB07]

Good thread!

 

Well I'm the first to tell anyone that I need to work on this, but perhaps one place to start would be to write it down, (for my next relationship),.........if that ever happens.

 

 

• I will not compromise on my core beliefs or my morals.
  
• No addicts, no boozers, no druggies.
  
• Shows tendency to be overly jealous or possessive or abusive, I'm outta there in a nano second.
  
• Ability to have empathy and show genuine caring and consideration for others.
  
• They better be free and clear of any past relationships.
  
• Have to be able to be understanding and supportive of the circumstances surrounding me caring for my special needs daughter.
  

I guess this is a good start.

[2sunny]

decisions and actions that keep me happy, healthy and safe!

 

the only thing i add in is that when someone really tries to dump a bunch of their crap on me - i have learned to say no!