rach3l Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Background: My boyfriend (well, ex now I suppose) and I had a falling out late last week. He had some pretty serious mental/violence issues which he hid successfully from me for the better part of 7 months. It was a quasi-long-distance relationship and we saw each other only on weekends, which is why he was so successful at hiding the issues (I have zero tolerance for violence since I grew up with 1 violent parent). So, we're broken up now (it was sort of mutual, in that I was planning to call him to break up on the weekend but he ended up emailing me sooner saying it wasn't going to work out--I agreed and that was that). I'm more upset with being single than I am upset with losing him, given the reason why we broke up (I don't tolerate lying, by omission or otherwise). So I guess my problem is... I only have one friend on my own. I had friends through him but we've established a no-contact arrangement. Which is perfectly fine, I'm amenable to that. But of course when all my friends are his friends, they become non-friends the day of the breakup. I absolutely suck at meeting new people. The only friend I have is someone I met through work. She's pretty cool and we hang out once a week or so. It's not like having a high school bestie but you know... it's better than nothing. I think I may rebound onto somebody just because I am pretty much single-phobic. I spent 3 long years alone before this relationship and I'm absolutely terrified that I may go another 3 or more before the next... So... please advise: How do I go about making new friends after a breakup? And if you can advise on singlephobia, I'd appreciate it.
GrayClouds Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Like anything that were not good at, practice allows us to get better. Same with issue with you. One of the things this break up is telling, if your listening, it is time to learn how to find healthy and productive ways to enjoy being single. For when we learn how be healthy single we then are able to select healthy relationship, rather then just taking what we can get. What are the things you enjoy, find a class or group to join. Is there a cause that you believe in, volunteer for it. It there a class or skill you want to learn sign up for it. It is about putting yourself in situration that put you in contact with people, and every once and while you find a friend or two. And even the time you do not at least you are challenging yourself, improving yourself, and simply finding a better time then sitting at home feeling bad. Most of us struggle meeting people and making friends, your not alone. But again the more you practice the easier it gets and the easier it gets the strong we become. Good luck.
Don Ho Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Rach, there are lots of things you can do to meet people. There are thousands of opportunities out there. Join a club, join a gym, volunteer, go to church. Maybe you should check online for some classes on socializing and self confidence. Twenty five years ago, I was very shy too. I used a crazy, out-going alter ego to go out and meet women. After a while you learn to make that part of you. Get out there Sista! Don't sit home be miserable and let the world pass you by!
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