ItsAllGoodAgain Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I've been dating this girl for nearly 7 months now. She has a child (3) and the father is still in the picture. They are both great parents and still get along with each other. Every now and then the daughter will mention that the father doesn't like me and he is sad that him and my gf are not together. He'll say sarcastic remarks to my gf in regards to me. I've never met the guy and never said anything negative about him and his actions. She is very open to him in regards to her and I's relationship. He knows that we are very serious with each other. There are also times when he will call her for off the wall requests. Like this morning for instance. He called saying his truck was broke down and needed help. Why would he call her? Does henot have friends that could help? Is there a line that shouldn't be crossed in regards to their relationship? I guess my question is, How do I approach this situation? I know I need to voice my thoughts and tell her how I feel, but I'm afraid she'll take it as me being jealous. How should I bring this up to her?
Author ItsAllGoodAgain Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Just to add. Sometimes the daughter will say things as if she's being coached. The other day she asked her mom if they could live with daddy. "Daddy said he wants to be with you and I should ask you to live with him". "He doesn't want you to live with **** (me)".
stillafool Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Get used to him, as he will always be there. That's why people don't like to date people with kids.
Author ItsAllGoodAgain Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 I've accepted the fact that he will always be there. I guess whatever he does doesn't really matter. He is who he is and she's with me. There's really nothing I can do other than deal with it. If it goes too far then I'll say something.
phineas Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 He sounds like my ex-wife. what a sissy. I know women whose ex's are hard-core. Been known to look in the bedroom window when she has a man over. Show up yrs later out of the blue & get arrested assaulting their present BF. consider yourself lucky. This one is just a punk-ass beyotch using his kid as a tool.
2sure Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 My ex would continually say sarcastic and demeaning things to my daughter about my H. We never said anything bad about him. Eventually his remarks caused her to treat her step father with less respect. We would discipline her appropriately for that but still never say anything bad about her dad. Then, it started to really bother her when her dad would say bad things about us. Eventually, she realized that her dad has issues and now she has very little respect for his complaints, comments, etc. Take the high road and keep setting a good example. Tell your GF that you do not want her to enable her ex to be dependent on her any longer.
a_woman Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Is there a line that shouldn't be crossed in regards to their relationship? I guess my question is, How do I approach this situation? I know I need to voice my thoughts and tell her how I feel, but I'm afraid she'll take it as me being jealous. How should I bring this up to her? Yes you should. Your girlfriend has to make it very clear to her ex where her boundaries lie and that she won't tolerate her child being coached against you. Your GF has to stand up to her ex and draw her boundaries 100% clearly. My mum had to do this when my father's relatives tried to use my sister and I when we were little. they tried to coach us to make her take him back
witabix Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Good advice from all the above. 100% clear lines. The child suffers in all this too, conflicted and confused, this man is a snivelling coward IMO.
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