Author Plastikk Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I am packing my bags and heading to a hotel for 2 weeks. This will give her time to see what life is like without me. It also gives me time to think to myself and get a game plan together with what I want to do. I will post back after the 2 weeks and let you know what the next steps are.
jnj express Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Do not, I repeat DO NOT , leave the home----in a custody situation, she can claim ABANDONMENT, and any good lawyer will do just that----If you have to move to seperate rooms in the house do that Just go into a very strong 180, and she will see that just maybe she does wanna be with you, as you begin to project yourself as someone to be with ----she has lost respect for you----and that needs to be re-gained---that won't happen if you dissapear from the home. If anyone should leave it should be her. She needs to get out of her fog, and just plain forget this OM, if she can't do that, then the mge, needs to end---as you will not be part of a 3some---even if it is just in her thoughts at this time---also maybe she needs to find another job---if the 2 of you are to go on---also the 2 of you need to find out the WHY she needed to give herself to another man----that must happen before your mge., and wife can be fixed No matter what DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME
Steadfast Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. It sounds like that you have become the door prize. My guess is that he dumped her which is why she wanted to come back to you. You immediately said yes so she did not even have to make any effort to fight for you back. Nobody respects a doormat. I think you have been way too easy. You have a wife who had no problem cheating behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's and was quite content about immediately divorcing you. I think you need to take a real hard look at what you now actually have. The above is well said. And true. Read it over and over until it sinks in. I too believe that everything possible should be done to save a troubled marriage, but when infidelity is involved (and it usually is, don't be naive) that changes things forever. Cheating starts in the mind, moves into the heart and is then manifested in a physical act. That's a lot mess to undo. Frankly, too much. This might sound sexiest, but it's very different when a woman cheats. Men are (again, usually) so superficial when it comes to sex; knocking off a piece and claiming the conquest gives them macho feelings of power. Don't buy into this guy's 'expressions of love'. He's saying what she wants or needs to hear to keep the panty train on track. She's a fool. A foolish wife. In order to restore your relationship (forget the marriage, it's over) she needs to rise fully and completely above the board; total transparency. After going through what you are now going through and knowing how a cheating woman's mind works, I would insist she leave the home and then file for divorce. No matter how much she begs, threatens, or how wide the gamut of her emotions run. Your marriage needs a stick of dynamite. Light the fuse. To know, really know that she wants you, let her make and implement the decisions to leave her job, cut all contact and make good on the vows she took. What I'm saying is I wouldn't even consider taking her back unless she begs and pleads for you to be a couple and a family again. Actions speak louder than words. She must prove it to you. Otherwise, you're facing a lifetime of wonder and worry. Is that how you want to live?
Bobby2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Oh boy. This one hits close to home, as I know it does for many others here. The man of her dreams turns out to be a co-worker. That sh*t makes me want to vomit. First of all, she has been screwing him, and it started to get physical with them right around the time you noticed the phone bill skyrocket. Take that to the bank sir. For the first time in over ten years, she has that "so in love with a new person" feeling, the same one she had for you ages ago. It is in reality, an addictive high. Some people handle it better than others, your wife is not one of those people. The grass is always greener with these idiots. She has been lying to you, disrespecting you, and as others have said, she only went back to you because his divorce wasn't going to go through. You have to let her go.
Author Plastikk Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I am packing my bags and heading to a hotel for 2 weeks. This will give her time to see what life is like without me. It also gives me time to think to myself and get a game plan together with what I want to do. I will post back after the 2 weeks and let you know what the next steps are. I know that it has been sometime since my last post but, I have been on that roller coaster that everyone talks about. At the end of the first week with NC and out of the house, I get the call to come home so we can work on our marriage. I pack everything up and drive back to the house. Everything was great for TWO WHOLE DAYS!!! She gets a call because the OM went to MC with his wife and he had to call and give her a NC speech. This put her in a funk for several weeks. She continued to go out with her friends to the bars on a weekly basis. While I stayed at home with our child. I don't mind watch our child but, I would like to see her at home so we can work on us. I told her that we couldn't work on us if we were not together. Fast forward to last Saturday night. She went out with her best friend and didn't get home until AM. I was at home writing a speech after putting our daughter to bed. I waited up for her to come home. Once she arrived I told her I had something to say and not to stop me until I had finished. I wanted her to listen everything I had to say. I read my speech which was just a rant about everything I was feeling and everything I had provided her and only expecting one thing in return. That one thing in return I wasn't getting and I deserved to have it. I told her that I deserve to have some one respect and love me as much as I respected and loved her. I then delivered a line that I thought I would never be able to say to her. I have been trying to keep things together this entire time, and trying to win her heart back. I said I want a decision tonight. Stay married to me for the rest of time, but you have to make a huge turn for the better overnight or we move forward with the divorce. I let her make the choice but, I already knew what the outcome would be. She said that she just doesn't have that feeling of intimacy with me anymore and that she doesn't feel it getting any better. I said fine, we are moving forward with the divorce then. I have since then been getting the paperwork together to get the mortgage changed into my name only and getting the dissolution papers together. We are doing shared custody of our daughter and I am keeping the house. She will have to find a new place to live and hopefully be able to afford whatever she chooses. I have changed my outlook on life and have come to know a new motto. In the past 4 weeks I have been doing P90x and eating right and have lost 30 lbs and 4 inches off my waist. I am almost back to high school weight!!!! I am looking forward to all the fun times that I will have with my daughter watching her grow up. I will ensure to keep up the work on being in the best shape of my life so that I will be here a long time for that little girl. I will come back to post more about my story as it develops but, I go this Friday to get the house refinanced into my name. I know that there will be some hard times in my future but, right now I am actually not hurting. We are living together at this point with her staying in the spare room. We are spliting our bills at this point until we get the items changed into the correct names. Thank you for all of your support! I have read many of your stories and they have helped me maintain my sanity throughout all of this.
thomasb Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Good for you! It sounds like you are getting things together. I hope all goes well for you. You certainly deserved better treatment than she was dishing out.
Author Plastikk Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 You certainly deserved better treatment than she was dishing out. I took awhile for me to see that. Its weird something so simple and yet just couldn't see it. I know that I deserve better now and I am really getting my act together to make it about my daughter and I. Its time that I did something for myself for once.
Confused4Now Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Now that's a MAN who knows what he's doing...I'm so glad to see a MAN make a decision and stand by it!!!! Good for you....this is the best story I've seen all week.
U2RockZz Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 more power to you.....get out and enjoy the life....keep the s*** where it belongs
jennie-jennie Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Kudos to you! You did the right thing! Nobody should stay in a marriage where one spouse loves another woman/man.
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