Confessions of an utter fool - Are you really over them?

[leftfield]

So I managed to completely mess up my life again, really badly! I went to a music festival with my ex over the weekend. We bought the tickets when we were together and I agreed to still go along with her anyway, thinking two months (since our breakup) was long enough to be able to hold it together and 'just enjoy the music, man'.

 

Holy f%*$ was I wrong! She has morphed into this completely different person, one that seems to be happy and carefree without me, and who has circles of friends that I didn't even know about before our breakup, which she hangs out with and has an apparently blissfully happy existence - first thing she said when I got into the car was that she had been out partying till 2am the night before (on a Wednesday night before a festival). Where did this person come from, what happened to the girl I love?

 

Needless to say the entire experience was not a happy one for me from start to finish. She has so obviously gotten over "us" it's unreal. I have no idea what I was thinking when I agreed to go, perhaps I thought I was more over her than I am, but it was an entirely unpleasant experience.

 

When I was with her at the festival I couldn't find anything to say to her, and nor her to me, and when we spent some time apart doing our own thing over the weekend, she was on my mind constantly and heart-wrenchingly. I think I naively thought that we could just get along like we did before, only without the emotional side of things, but that was so far removed from the truth you wouldn't believe.

 

Even in a crowd of thousands of people I have never felt so lonely and utterly dejected as I did over this weekend. I did my best to enjoy the music, which I am very passionate about, but my thoughts ultimately turned to her - constantly. I also found out that some other guy is possibly on the scene, which was nice to know I didn't ask too many questions of course because I'd already tied the knot in my noose, I didn't feel like pulling the lever as well. Of course that will now haunt me for the next few weeks at the very least.

 

I shouldn't even be saying all this because I know you will read this and think, "what an f&$%*"@ idiot", and you'd be absolutely spot on, I am. I suppose the temptation to spend time with her in an environment that was removed from the 'every day' was just too much to bear, and I convinced myself that we would have a great time and maybe even somehow fall in love again. I must have inhaled a Mills and Boon in some freak library browsing accident because the reality was a painful, awkward, unpleasant disaster.

 

There I was, a grown man standing alone (emotionally speaking) in a tent full of tipsy teenagers watching Band of Horses singing No One's Gonna Love You, and I seriously almost broke down into a quivering mess on the floor. I had to do my utmost to hold it together and avoid become the ridiculed epitome of deflated public humiliation. That pathetic loser that all those irritatingly beautiful young people could point and laugh at until they burst out of their skinny jeans.

 

I was actually feeling fine about going to this thing until about a week before, when the reality of the situation struck me. I started to panic - I should have heeded the warning!

 

So I suppose the moral of the tale is this; Do not, under any circumstances agree to see your ex, or go for a weekend away, or become a surrogate parent to their child with another man/woman, or attend their wedding, or break-dance at their birthday party, or in fact ANYTHING that remotely involves them in any way, UNLESS you are 100%, absolutely, truly, without doubt over them and do not harbour any feelings for them.

 

I'm sure you already know all this, but for any other idiots on this forum, let this be a lesson learned for all of us.

 

A. N. Idiot

Edited August 30, 2010 by leftfield

[BigProc]

What an unpleasant experience that must have been. It seems like a common trait to change as a person when you are apart. I'v experienced it,its not nice when your ex develops this carefree, new found confidence and a new group of friends when you're still an emotional wreck.

[leftfield]

What an unpleasant experience that must have been. It seems like a common trait to change as a person when you are apart. I'v experienced it,its not nice when your ex develops this carefree, new found confidence and a new group of friends when you're still an emotional wreck.

 

Thank you for that, kind and supportive words are appreciated, even if I don't deserve them after dropping such a clanger.

 

You're absolutely right, it's an added kick in the proverbials to see her so completely over me and enjoying her new found freedom, especially going out with other people etc. It cut me pretty badly to see and hear that.

 

Funny thing is though, she actually wore a t-shirt over the weekend that had the phrase "I love me" emblazoned across the front. I couldn't help thinking how appropriate that seemed.

 

To be honest I don't want to knock her in any way for being happy and doing what's best for herself, I know that she was unhappy toward the end of our relationship, so I genuinely wish her all the best, I hope that she is happy. I just wish I hadn't had it rubbed in my face.

 

It also struck me how superficial she can be, a trait that maybe I chose to overlook during our relationship. All she talked about (when we did actually speak) was her plans for the future and how she is going to buy this, buy that, put money aside for this and that.

 

She's starting a college course pretty soon to improve her job prospects and better herself, which I was supportive of when she first talked about it during our relationship, and which I'm happy to hear about still, but a lot of the other stuff just seemed very money and possession orientated.

 

I also couldn't help noticing that not once did she really ask about me, how I am, or what plans I have for the future. In fact she seemed wholly uninterested in me. She probably assumed I have no plans since I'm still suffering the devastating loss of the big "me" that her t-shirt refers to.

 

My number one plan at the moment is to avoid messing up my own head any further, and perhaps giving myself a good slap for doing it this time around. After that I am going to spend the next few weeks doing everything I can to make me feel like a man again, instead of this emotionally drained husk that sits here today.

Edited August 30, 2010 by leftfield

[Don Ho]

Bro, you're not an idiot nor a fool. I can empathize with your feelings at the concert and how it made you feel. This is why, like you said, you do not meet up with your Ex unless you know she has the intention of it being a romantic date and she has begged to have you back. Another member met his Ex with similar expectations as yours and his Ex proceeded to tell him that she has been banging some other guy AND told him all the details! So, Dumpees, BEWARE!

 

This should give you the opportunity to see how she really is; that she no longer cares, is selfish and is not quite the person you thought. You should use this info not to tell yourself you're a fool or an idiot but to convince yourself that it is time to move away from her and move on with your life.

[leftfield]

Bro, you're not an idiot nor a fool. I can empathize with your feelings at the concert and how it made you feel. This is why, like you said, you do not meet up with your Ex unless you know she has the intention of it being a romantic date and she has begged to have you back. Another member met his Ex with similar expectations as yours and his Ex proceeded to tell him that she has been banging some other guy AND told him all the details! So, Dumpees, BEWARE!

 

This should give you the opportunity to see how she really is; that she no longer cares, is selfish and is not quite the person you thought. You should use this info not to tell yourself you're a fool or an idiot but to convince yourself that it is time to move away from her and move on with your life.

 

Thanks man, I know I'm not the only person on here that would have done something similar if the opportunity arose, I just wanted to pre-empt all the "well you shouldn't have gone there then you moron" type responses. I know I shouldn't have, I knew before I went that it was a mistake, but some inkling of hope that I was still clinging on to convinced me that if I didn't go I would regret it. I suppose the opposite turned out to be true, but hey, at least I saw some good bands.

 

It has certainly showed me the door to closure at least, but I've now got to let go haven't I. The crazy thing is, even now, I'm still clinging to something, still wishing there was some magic words that I could say to her to make her love me again. Even though I'm telling myself, "Let it go man!", part of me doesn't want to.

 

That whole experience was a massive hit on my confidence, I must have looked like such a dork in her eyes. I'm sure she could see that I was a mess around her, while she has got this cocksure attitude of rocketing self-confidence.

 

She spent a huge amount of time sending and receiving text messages, which only added to my paranoia and hurt, because all the time I was wondering who they were from (especially as when I asked her who she was out with the night before we left for the festival she avoided the question, saying "you don't know them", but then later implied they were male). At one point I stupidly asked if she was seeing someone (even though I'd promised myself not to invite that sort of pain), and she said no, but then qualified the statement by telling me some guy had asked her out, and had also sent a couple of messages since we had been there.

 

Apparently he had backed out of going on a date with her in the last week or so because she told him about going to the festival with me. But no doubt my "performance" over the weekend will only spur her to contact him again. She also said, "But I'm not sure about him anyway, he seems a bit cocky", which of course translates as confident and probably good looking, everything I'm not at the moment. That twisted the knife even deeper I can tell you.

 

As funny as it sounds to write it down now, I did actually hope at one point that a lighting rig would fall on my head, or I'd be somehow tragically drowned in beery mud after passing out due to extreme body odour exposure. Talk about wanting the ground to swallow me up. I honestly did wish for some unfathomable tragedy to just end my pain there and then.

 

It could take weeks to pick myself up from this, and I'm not sure where to start at this point, except for going back to absolute NC. I can't even seem to face my friends or family at the moment because I know they will tell me I'm a s*** for brains for going. If I didn't have this place for comfort I fear it would be a very lonely path to recovery.

[Sambo]

Well the Good News is you still have your sense of humor :D:D

 

Yes it was a bonehead idea but forget that !

 

What's done is done !

 

The other good news is that the woman that you loved no longer exists, you should be thrilled about that !!!

 

No one will be able to fall in love with that girl ever again because she's gone, she was and always will be only yours and I think that's pretty cool don't you.

 

My guess is you will hurt for a few days probably but you will bounce back way faster this time.

 

Keep laughing at yourself mate it will help the healing

[leftfield]

The other good news is that the woman that you loved no longer exists, you should be thrilled about that !!!

 

No one will be able to fall in love with that girl ever again because she's gone, she was and always will be only yours and I think that's pretty cool don't you.

 

I don't know if I would go as far as being thrilled but I see your point. I suppose that's another reason to accept that I'll never have her in my life again. She isn't there to have.

 

Do people really just become this super confident other person right after a breakup though? Do you think there was an element of laying it on thick for me, because she wanted to prove a point, so to speak?

[Lost Fish]

As funny as it sounds to write it down now, I did actually hope at one point that a lighting rig would fall on my head, or I'd be somehow tragically drowned in beery mud after passing out due to extreme body odour exposure. Talk about wanting the ground to swallow me up. I honestly did wish for some unfathomable tragedy to just end my pain there and then.

 

I lol'd at this.

 

Oh man lefty. I feel for you. If my own life and peoples' stories on LS have taught me anything it is that the heart moves much slower than the mind. Your mind thought you were over here - and your mind tricked you into thinking you were over her - but when it came right down to it your heart was still completely wrapped around her.

 

Honestly, stop being so hard on yourself - you aren't the first man to crawl through the beer mud and body odor (lol) in hopes to rekindle something with their ex.

 

Try looking at it from the angle that your heart needed to know for sure, and now with this experience it is obvious that it is now time to move on. I think that you will bounce back quicker than you think.

 

I also think that she may partially have been putting on a show for you - to try to make her life look amazing and extravagant - you can be sure her ego was putting on a show for you to some extent. But even still - if she wasn't throwing herself in the mud for you begging to reconcile. Then I'd stick a fork in any chance of it - it's done.

 

Your humor is your key to getting out of this thing. The fact that the lighting rig didn't fall on you is proof enough that fate wants you to keep living and breathing and finding the next lovely lady in your life.

 

You'll be ok. Let go. Let yourself accept the pain and stop denying it. Then you'll truly start to heal my friend.

[Sambo]

I don't know if I would go as far as being thrilled but I see your point. I suppose that's another reason to accept that I'll never have her in my life again. She isn't there to have.

 

Do people really just become this super confident other person right after a breakup though? Do you think there was an element of laying it on thick for me, because she wanted to prove a point, so to speak?

 

Trust me she's not doing as great as she seems to be.

 

She has problems just like every other human being on the earth.

 

The bottom line is you have to stop thinking about her.

 

She's not thinking about you !!!

 

So why waste your time and energy ?

 

Lesson learned now move on.

[leftfield]

She's not thinking about you !!!

 

So why waste your time and energy ?

 

Ouch! But yes, I know you're right. She's probably thinking about this "cocky" dude. OK, time to move on, so er... any ladies on here that fancy a date?

[supersub]

So I managed to completely mess up my life again, really badly! I went to a music festival with my ex over the weekend. We bought the tickets when we were together and I agreed to still go along with her anyway, thinking two months (since our breakup) was long enough to be able to hold it together and 'just enjoy the music, man'.

 

Holy f%*$ was I wrong! She has morphed into this completely different person, one that seems to be happy and carefree without me, and who has circles of friends that I didn't even know about before our breakup, which she hangs out with and has an apparently blissfully happy existence - first thing she said when I got into the car was that she had been out partying till 2am the night before (on a Wednesday night before a festival). Where did this person come from, what happened to the girl I love?

 

Needless to say the entire experience was not a happy one for me from start to finish. She has so obviously gotten over "us" it's unreal. I have no idea what I was thinking when I agreed to go, perhaps I thought I was more over her than I am, but it was an entirely unpleasant experience.

 

When I was with her at the festival I couldn't find anything to say to her, and nor her to me, and when we spent some time apart doing our own thing over the weekend, she was on my mind constantly and heart-wrenchingly. I think I naively thought that we could just get along like we did before, only without the emotional side of things, but that was so far removed from the truth you wouldn't believe.

 

Even in a crowd of thousands of people I have never felt so lonely and utterly dejected as I did over this weekend. I did my best to enjoy the music, which I am very passionate about, but my thoughts ultimately turned to her - constantly. I also found out that some other guy is possibly on the scene, which was nice to know I didn't ask too many questions of course because I'd already tied the knot in my noose, I didn't feel like pulling the lever as well. Of course that will now haunt me for the next few weeks at the very least.

 

I shouldn't even be saying all this because I know you will read this and think, "what an f&$%*"@ idiot", and you'd be absolutely spot on, I am. I suppose the temptation to spend time with her in an environment that was removed from the 'every day' was just too much to bear, and I convinced myself that we would have a great time and maybe even somehow fall in love again. I must have inhaled a Mills and Boon in some freak library browsing accident because the reality was a painful, awkward, unpleasant disaster.

 

There I was, a grown man standing alone (emotionally speaking) in a tent full of tipsy teenagers watching Band of Horses singing No One's Gonna Love You, and I seriously almost broke down into a quivering mess on the floor. I had to do my utmost to hold it together and avoid become the ridiculed epitome of deflated public humiliation. That pathetic loser that all those irritatingly beautiful young people could point and laugh at until they burst out of their skinny jeans.

 

I was actually feeling fine about going to this thing until about a week before, when the reality of the situation struck me. I started to panic - I should have heeded the warning!

 

So I suppose the moral of the tale is this; Do not, under any circumstances agree to see your ex, or go for a weekend away, or become a surrogate parent to their child with another man/woman, or attend their wedding, or break-dance at their birthday party, or in fact ANYTHING that remotely involves them in any way, UNLESS you are 100%, absolutely, truly, without doubt over them and do not harbour any feelings for them.

 

I'm sure you already know all this, but for any other idiots on this forum, let this be a lesson learned for all of us.

 

A. N. Idiot

 

Hey Leftfield.

 

I think it was a brave move mate, and I think that its very difficult to say what any of us would do in such a situation. The temptation must have been huge, and you went for it.

 

You certainly are not an idiot, and I am personally grateful for your story, because you are hoping to teach the masses on here something for it, so you are not an idiot at all my son.

 

Think of it this way, you saw her for who she really is, and that doesn't fit the fantasy in your mind. Initially painful, but think about this, better you find out at this point and you can heal right?

 

I'm sorry for the weekend being so painful, but at the very least you have learned a lesson, and you are able to pass this on to all of us.

 

All the best,

 

Sup.

[leftfield]

Hey Leftfield.

 

I think it was a brave move mate, and I think that its very difficult to say what any of us would do in such a situation. The temptation must have been huge, and you went for it.

 

You certainly are not an idiot, and I am personally grateful for your story, because you are hoping to teach the masses on here something for it, so you are not an idiot at all my son.

 

Think of it this way, you saw her for who she really is, and that doesn't fit the fantasy in your mind. Initially painful, but think about this, better you find out at this point and you can heal right?

 

I'm sorry for the weekend being so painful, but at the very least you have learned a lesson, and you are able to pass this on to all of us.

 

All the best,

 

Sup.

 

Thanks man, I'm feeling a lot of male bonding in this thread. I appreciate the supportive words. I expected to get much more of a thrashing for putting my neck so far on the block that I looked like condemned giraffe, but you guys are awesome. Aw shucks... come here all of you, group hug!!!

[a.lyons1]

Here is my hug! Remember, you live and learn, dont put your heart through that again

[supersub]

Thanks man, I'm feeling a lot of male bonding in this thread. I appreciate the supportive words. I expected to get much more of a thrashing for putting my neck so far on the block that I looked like condemned giraffe, but you guys are awesome. Aw shucks... come here all of you, group hug!!!

 

Its hard for all of us to remember this in many difficult times in life, but there is always something positive to be pulled from something negative, same goes for this situation.

[Banega100]

wasup man.

 

weird, i was at Leeds festival this weekend, which is the one youre referring to or Reading? Either way, my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago and that Band Of Horses song was one i played to her when we were burying a time capsule together! So watching that was a little sad, haha. so i've got some idea what that would have felt like.

 

anyways, just wanted to point out that weird coinicidence. Sadly i go back to 6th form in a week and commence seeing her every day. But i'll deal with it.

 

All the best.

Edited August 30, 2010 by Banega100
typo

[BigProc]

Hey dude. You deserve every bit of sympathy you are getting on here. You seem a great guy and i'v noticed your responses to other peoples threads (including mine) are long, in detail and very supportive.One you posted on mine was particulay helpful. Man we all make mistakes and yes you are going to suffer a while for it. But we are all here for you like you have helped lots of others and nobody is going to slate you for making a mistake. If its any consolation I made 1 too early hours this morning. I went out on an all day bender with the lads for the bank holiday. Felt a bit sad late in night,missing my ex gf and all that. So what did i do like a numpty when i got home? Yep i e mailed her on facebook (iv deleted her phone number) telling her how much i miss her and can we go out for a drink. DOH! Iv gone weeks nc and then i do something stupid like that. Its not really set me back emotionally, as im not expecting a reply at all. However its severley dented my pride giving her the knowledge she still has that power over me and i would come running at a click of her fingers. Keep posting on here dude and before you know it we will all be posting on here laughing at how pathetic we were for missing our ex's. BTW i'm not saying she still has feelings for you, but her new found happiness and confidence will have been put on to some extent for your benefit. Her life won't have been so perfect as she were making out. GL pal.

[Maverick1983]

Sorry to hear about youre situation as you seem like a good guy.IMO I think youre ex was trying to put on a strong exterior to pretend that everything is great on her side.My ex resorted to the same behavior i.e constant partying,another tattoo etc.Sometimes people just uncharacteristically go mad when they become single as they arent aware how to act in the sitation and it becomes difficult for us to understand this change but it will pass I can assure you.She will eventually become aware of how the single life sucks when the partying and new behavior becomes stale.Keep your head held high and be proud that you didnt neglect dealing with your feelings and realise that after you get through this tough time you will be all the better from it.

[redmelon]

Band of Horses? Ouch. That man has a voice like honey. I know it hurt to hear that song, I still can't tolerate it, and I really did love it at one point.

 

Try this for a pick me up: Quasi - I Never Want to See You Again.

[Nappeal]

I'm sure if any one of us were given any opportunity to meet up w the ex, they'd take it, w some motivation or assumption: s/he'll hear me out and we'll be together again! I'll be able to dumb all my anger and frustration on him/her - that'll teach em! I feel over enough w the relationship - I can totally be their friend!

 

Yea, been there, done that. Its a shtty feeling. I don't have much actual advice other then...its going to take a while to get over it, and you know that. STICK W NO CONTACT! See her for who she really is now.

 

I don't think people 'change' perse after the relationship ends...w my XH (before I knew he ended things for another chick lol), I was happy to be out of the relationship. Our relationship was pretty shtty @ the end, so I for once felt 'free'. I didn't change, my outlook did...then it changed again when I found out about the other broad lol. Its just something new to her, and she's feeling it out. Its more fun then feeling out your heartache, eh? But look @ it this way: once you have healed, you will be a BETTER person for it. She will be the party girl all about herself w no one of substance in her life...I've been there and it sucks. Its NEVER as good for them for long as it seems to the dumpee.

[leftfield]

wasup man.

 

weird, i was at Leeds festival this weekend, which is the one youre referring to or Reading? Either way, my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago and that Band Of Horses song was one i played to her when we were burying a time capsule together! So watching that was a little sad, haha. so i've got some idea what that would have felt like.

 

anyways, just wanted to point out that weird coinicidence. Sadly i go back to 6th form in a week and commence seeing her every day. But i'll deal with it.

 

All the best.

 

Actually yes, I was at Leeds too. But since you are going back to 6th form college I suspect you are one of those beautiful young people with your whole life ahead of you (use it wisely my friend). It's rough that you have to see your ex there though, I feel for you on that one. Keep your chin up and deal with it with dignity, you'll be the better man for it. Good luck friend.

 

I on the other hand am that weird older dude who was standing there bleary-eyed, looking wistfully at the lighting rig wondering when it was going to smash my brains in. The damn thing didn't drop so here I am, mourning lost love and lost youth, and wondering what the hell I'm going to do next.

 

I got horrendously drunk on whisky last night with my sister's boyfriend. He's just got back from Afghanistan, where he says he's attended a couple of funerals a week for the past three or four months. Puts things into perspective doesn't it. I may feel like s***, but I don't have my friends dying all around me. Raise a glass gentlemen. Many of us here have lost our self respect, our confidence, our dignity, and we feel like we've lost everything - we haven't. There are far worse fates. We owe it to them to get our s*** together and live our lives. Fight the good fight y'all.

[Not strong enough]

Stupid band of horses. I'd never even heard of the band until i watched the stepfather with my ex. I now associate the song "The Funeral" because it was the last thing we watched before we broke up.....

[leftfield]

Stupid band of horses. I'd never even heard of the band until i watched the stepfather with my ex. I now associate the song "The Funeral" because it was the last thing we watched before we broke up.....

 

They've got a lot to answer for. I might start sending them baffling hate mail telling them to stop being so good. Stop it you honey-voiced siren of breakups. Note to group; do not trust Band of Horses, they will lead your relationship to the rocks and smash it like a Lego boat.

[paddletennis]

I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I am sorry for the pain you're experiencing, but I can tell you this: you have a career in writing! I was laughing at loud! Not at you, but the way you put your sentences together. Just so talented! And as far as the GF, go back to NC. Give yourself (more) time. You will be OK. And please please please, keep writing...

[leftfield]

I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I am sorry for the pain you're experiencing, but I can tell you this: you have a career in writing! I was laughing at loud! Not at you, but the way you put your sentences together. Just so talented! And as far as the GF, go back to NC. Give yourself (more) time. You will be OK. And please please please, keep writing...

 

Thank you paddletennis, you're very kind. Your advice is also appreciated, and I will indeed go back to NC.

 

Given that I've already said as much as I have, I think I might as well confess to a couple of other things...

 

Over the weekend, while I was feeling immense pain at her very presence, she would talk to me in a way that I felt was quite dismissive and cold. I don't think she meant to be, but because I remember feeling so much more warmth from her during our relationship, it hurt me even more, and made me feel like she doesn't even like me any more.

 

So already feeling paranoid and sad, I managed to make things worse by first breaking the zip on her tent, and then spilling beer in her car. On both occasions I heard that familiar tone as she said my name as though it were verbal excrement. I actually smiled inside, because I knew that while I should be playing it uber-cool, there I was acting like an utter clown. Two more nails in my coffin I thought. I bet that "cocky" guy doesn't do things like that. He probably drives a Porsche and has hobbies like "going to the gym" and "saving the world".

 

The ex called me last night while I was on the phone to a friend and I accidentally answered it with my cheek and swapped the calls, so I was speaking to her thinking it was my friend, then suddenly I heard her voice say "I just wanted to know if you have my DVD of The Holiday". Boy, was my face red. I just blurted out that I didn't and swapped the call back to my pal. Stupid Jude Law film, wasn't being made to watch it bad enough! It also seems she thinks she can just call whenever she wants, I need to put a stop to that.

 

I feel quite depressed today. I'm having to go through the first week of NC all over again, and I think all that whisky last night has given me an alcohol come-down. Be aware everyone, booze is a depressant so don't use it as a crutch. It will come back to get you

 

Thanks to everyone for reading this far through the thread, and for all your advice and support, I really do appreciate it.

[supersub]

Thank you paddletennis, you're very kind. Your advice is also appreciated, and I will indeed go back to NC.

 

Given that I've already said as much as I have, I think I might as well confess to a couple of other things...

 

Over the weekend, while I was feeling immense pain at her very presence, she would talk to me in a way that I felt was quite dismissive and cold. I don't think she meant to be, but because I remember feeling so much more warmth from her during our relationship, it hurt me even more, and made me feel like she doesn't even like me any more.

 

So already feeling paranoid and sad, I managed to make things worse by first breaking the zip on her tent, and then spilling beer in her car. On both occasions I heard that familiar tone as she said my name as though it were verbal excrement. I actually smiled inside, because I knew that while I should be playing it uber-cool, there I was acting like an utter clown. Two more nails in my coffin I thought. I bet that "cocky" guy doesn't do things like that. He probably drives a Porsche and has hobbies like "going to the gym" and "saving the world".

 

The ex called me last night while I was on the phone to a friend and I accidentally answered it with my cheek and swapped the calls, so I was speaking to her thinking it was my friend, then suddenly I heard her voice say "I just wanted to know if you have my DVD of The Holiday". Boy, was my face red. I just blurted out that I didn't and swapped the call back to my pal. Stupid Jude Law film, wasn't being made to watch it bad enough! It also seems she thinks she can just call whenever she wants, I need to put a stop to that.

 

I feel quite depressed today. I'm having to go through the first week of NC all over again, and I think all that whisky last night has given me an alcohol come-down. Be aware everyone, booze is a depressant so don't use it as a crutch. It will come back to get you

 

Thanks to everyone for reading this far through the thread, and for all your advice and support, I really do appreciate it.

 

Hang in there mate. It will be okay.

 

Sup.