Downundernz Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Hey guys just looking to get your thoughts on my situation. Been seeing a girl for about 5 months she live about 2 hours away. Anyway we recently decided that she would move to my City. I was doing everything i can to help her find a job here sending her resume to jobs here. Then about Wednesday last week she started getting really short with me when ever we chatted it was YES/NO answers and she just was not engaging in conversation. Shes normally really sweet and thankful for my assistance, but for some reason she was getting ****ty and being ungrateful. One point telling me "i can do it myself" i said "sorry was just trying to help" I told her shes been a real unpleasant lately and asked her is she wanted a break? She replied "fine by me" i obviously didn't want to break up so offered to give her 3 or 4 days space. She said it was a good idea. Anyway i said "sure ok then take care x love ya " to which she just replied "x" (this is fb chat btw) Anyway shortly after i noticed she was all cheerful with other people so i asked why shes treating me this way.. Wow that just sent her over the edge. By this time i was fed up im not going to be treated like a door mat. So i told her "you obviously dont feel the same about me, lets just end it" She didn't respond and just went off-line this is all friday. Ive had enuf r/ships now to know what to do and not be treated like **** i initiated NC immediately. Went out had a awesome weekend met some new possibilities Had 3 friend requests on Monday from 3 different girls ha ha. Anyway i got this email from her and i don't know what to make of it. Whats she upto? Its does not add up is she reaching out? was all this just a dumb argument and i over reacted? Im of the mindset if she wants me she needs to say it or it just wasn't meant to be: Her: ummm just wanted to ask you a favour. i need a Wonderland address for a job im applying for and they already have from my Resume that i "live" in Wonderland. Can i give them your address?? i dont know it. let me know if thats ok or not. Thanks ME: Yup sweet as its 26b JOHN DOE rd, WONDERLAND (obviously changed lol) Good luck let me know how you get on. HER: Ihave a interview type thing with 2 recruitent agencies. one tmrw arvo just opposite perry lane (my work is on this st) and the other one on Wed morn near by. will prob stay down at my aunties Anyway why is she telling me this i haven't replied as im indifferent. I'm open to getn back if she apologizes. Also if we broke up why would she still be looking for a job here??? Is she waiting for me to offer my place as somewhere to stay..
EthanH Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Mate, I don't know how old you are, but with respect, you are acting really immaturely. You would only be open to getting back with her if she 'apologizes'?... so it's about pride? The thing is, in such situations, pride is one thing, but what is important in the big scheme of things? You need to decide if you like her...I think you do, and you need to be straight with her. The thing is, if you act like you are not bothered either way, if you act like you are cool to play games, don't be surprised when she does the same. Decide what you want, and be firm about it. Forget about all the small things she is doing, it doesn't matter. Decide what you want. I will say one thing though, i have a hunch why things changed, if you were doing so much for her, it must have almost become too much, as shown by the way she reacted... I just think you need to be careful of being too nice and not give the impression that you are trying to tie her into life with you. Even if she wants to be with you, if she gets it into her head that you are pushing, she will concentrate on that, and not the fact that actually she does want to be with you. But first, as i said, decide what you want.
Author Downundernz Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Mate, I don't know how old you are, but with respect, you are acting really immaturely. You would only be open to getting back with her if she 'apologizes'?... so it's about pride? The thing is, in such situations, pride is one thing, but what is important in the big scheme of things? You need to decide if you like her...I think you do, and you need to be straight with her. The thing is, if you act like you are not bothered either way, if you act like you are cool to play games, don't be surprised when she does the same. Decide what you want, and be firm about it. Forget about all the small things she is doing, it doesn't matter. Decide what you want. I will say one thing though, i have a hunch why things changed, if you were doing so much for her, it must have almost become too much, as shown by the way she reacted... I just think you need to be careful of being too nice and not give the impression that you are trying to tie her into life with you. Even if she wants to be with you, if she gets it into her head that you are pushing, she will concentrate on that, and not the fact that actually she does want to be with you. But first, as i said, decide what you want. Yes good call i take on board what your saying about being immature. I have since spoke to her and had a good think since first posting this. On thinking about i realize it was demeaning for me to be so helpful and she told me it made her feel like i thought she was incapable of helping herself. I explained i was sorry and that in hindsight we prob needed to communicate better. She agreed she should have spoke up instead of bottling it up. She says shes stressed and fragile atm and just needs some space. I feel sorry for her shes quit he job and her money is getting low. I told her if she needs anything to let me know. Since she said she needs space im not going to tell her i want her back just yet. Im just going to be there if she needs me and if it was meant to be it will be. In all honesty i did not realize i was patronizing her by helping i thought i was doing the right thing. In hindsight is someone did that to me i'd get annoyed to. Sorry if i came across immature initially.
Author Downundernz Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Based on my most recent post am i doing the right thing by taking responsibility for my pushyness and giving her space? I value your guys opinions and am interested to hear what you would do. I do miss her and of course want it to work out between us. What is the best way of achieving this? Im not completely indifferent i guess but to be honest i will move on if i have to its been a rocky r/ship at times and relatively short so i also believe we could prob both move on without to much bitterness if we had to. It just seems silly to give up on something over this. Anyway i sent her a Text msg this morning "hey im taking today off if you need a guide round the city and someone to mind your car while you having interviews, let me know :)"
EthanH Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Your actions just make me feel uncomfortable... i believe that shutting off from her completely now would be a bad idea. Most people on here will suggest that isn't the case... but that's all based on self preservation. If you are aware of everything, and you aren't going to fall apart if she does move on, i think it is better to not cut her off. At the same time, you aren't exactly making yourself seem too exciting and the kind of guy she is going to race to be back with... a guy who is just 'nice' isn't someone she is going to have on her mind all the time as her main priority. 'Nice' is good for a rainy day, but as soon as she meets a guy who makes her pulse race, the fact you are willing to 'help' her won't seem noteworthy or appealing. That's just my opinion, maybe she will be the type to really appreciate it. I just don't like the feeling that you are the crutch here, as they are only temporarily needed until the 'patient' gets stronger and can walk without it. As to what you should do, I really don't know... i stick to my comments above, but I think your situation is (as mine is) a bit of a minefield, it could go either way. :s part of me feels that within reason, it doesn't matter what you do, if she likes you, things will go well for you... if not, they won't...
Author Downundernz Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Don't worry mate i know how to play the game, im no wet blanket and ive been hurt in the past about a year ago by a 3.5 year break up. I learnt alot from my first serious break ups and although im no expert i believe i have learnt alot. The old me would be all depressed and miserable, don't mean to sound arrogant but i have learnt self worth, i know i'm a catch. I think if more people accepted their heart will heal and there will be others and they believed they are a catch they would stop going on punishing themselves over an EX. To be honest i manned up i apologized i accepted what i had done wrong. Also making sure she realised she should have communicated better. You cant allow yourself to accept all the blame thats pussy behaviour. the result? I have spent the last 2 days with her and we are happily back together prob more in love than before. Let that be a lesson to some. I know every case is different but i believe by being strong and having a sense of self worth i appeared attractive and desirable and got the result i wanted. Furthermore i had also accepted the possibility i might be moving forward without her. Its hard if you have been in a very long term r/ship and i prob would have struggled had it not been a 5 month r/ship. I work in sales and indifference is a powerful sales tool not only in business but in relationships. Thanks all Hope it works out for others in similar situations. I felt i should call back an update those who feel there is no hope. Most people who get want they want don't bother to ever report back. Peace
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