stepdaughters mother wants to lie to daughter about who her parents are

[xomissraddox]

My husband and his ex have been fighting over custody for their daughters whole life. so far the baby is in foster care and is growing up and bonding with this other family. the foster parents want to adopt my husbands daughter, and his ex. my husband doesnt want this and is not going to surrender his rights. he gets a 1 hour visit once a week while his ex can see the family and her daughter anytime she so pleases. she gets to go to the park, and the beach etc with the family and the baby. this is extremely unfair to my husband and i. i havent even had the chance to meet my own stepdaughter, and my husband and i are expecting a son in 2 months.

 

on top of all this she wants to change the babys last name to the foster familys and have her grow up think the foster parents are her real parents.

 

my husband and i will be out of the picture, and i want my son to know his sister. i want to know my stepdaughter, and my husband wants to raise his daughter and be in her life.

 

i know there is absolutely nothing i can do and i absolutely hate the feeling of helplessness. its stressing out my husband soo much and he gets extremely depressed around the time of the court dates.

 

any suggestions? anyone who has been through this sort of thing, its so hard for my husband and i and i hate seeing him that way.

[candymoon]

Why is the child in foster care in the first place? A custody battle isnt reason enough to take a child out of the home.

[2sure]

Your H's lawyer should be all over this. If his does not have custody then the child currently is a ward of the state . Who is it exactly that your ex is battling custody against?

[xomissraddox]

my H is battling against his ex.

the baby got taken away by cps.

[melodymatters]

Why can't you and your H win custody over FOSTER parents ??? Something sounds funky here: 2 parents who are involved in her life but NEITHER of them has....what....a bedroom and food in the fridge for this kid ?

 

The seldom take kids away from nautural parents unless they would be in DANGER !

[xomissraddox]

the mom is a drug addict and my H and i live with my parents.

im 19 my H is 21 and his ex is 17...should explain a lot

[melodymatters]

the mom is a drug addict and my H and i live with my parents.

im 19 my H is 21 and his ex is 17...should explain a lot

 

OK, sweetie, that DOES explain a lot, thanks for being honest. Well...if none of you can support her, perhaps an OPEN adoption would be an option. She will know and have relationships with all of you but have the stability that kids kinda need. Without an official legal adoption, I don't see how last names are that important in the long run, relationships and healthy children ARE !

 

My best wishes to you !!

[melodymatters]

Let me add, lying to a child about their natural parents is completely against all modern thinking and if the foster parents even agreed, I'd worry about THEIR mental health too !

 

A 17 yr old can not sign a legal contract, she certainly shouldn't be making life decisions for all involved !

[sb129]

The fact that you and your H are expecting another child should support your case though right? If you are capable of bringing up one child aren't you capable of supporting another one?

 

So sad, poor little baby caught in the middle of it all. I hope you are taking care of yourself too, with a little one on the way.

[candymoon]

geez.

 

you're all so young. i'd go the attorney route, though, if you can scrounge up some money.

 

i still dont understand why cps/social services has not given the child to the father, unless he has proven to be unfit?

 

i mean, usually the kids can go to the next of kin if they are able. the other parent certainly fits that bill.

[xomissraddox]

The fact that you and your H are expecting another child should support your case though right? If you are capable of bringing up one child aren't you capable of supporting another one?

 

So sad, poor little baby caught in the middle of it all. I hope you are taking care of yourself too, with a little one on the way.

 

that is exactly what i would think. my H and i live in a perfectly stable household along with my parents (who raised 4 children). food and such will never be an issue, my dad makes 100g/yr, my H has a stable job. i think maybe with me being a first time mom, taking care of 2 children would be overwhelming for me? idk, this whole situation really sucks :[

 

perhaps an OPEN adoption would be an option. She will know and have relationships with all of you but have the stability that kids kinda need.

 

im just afraid id he signs away his rights, we could be totally screwed over and we wont watch his little girl grow up, and that she will resent us bc in her mind mommy is still there, and daddy went off, got married, and had another baby. plus her mom is manipulative, and was abusive to my H when they were together. i cant help but think she will put bad things about my H and i in her daughters head.

 

im not a product of a broken family, so idk the feelings the children have. i have a lot of friends who resent one parent for not being there while they were growing up, or were never there, so idk what to expect from all this. i dont want us to be hated by his daughter when we are trying soo hard to have some custody and when we want to be in her life :/