Pippi Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 My MM's wife has figured out that her man is having an affair. She figured out the password on his phone and read all about it. She confronted him yesterday. This morning I got a txt from her, telling me how rosey their marriage and life is. I took the high road and didn't respond. I was so tempted to burst her bubble with information she doesn't know. MM has told me that he needs time to figure things out, as to whether he's going to stay with her or leave. I'm not holding my breath that he'll leave, but I'm having a hard time holding back and telling his wife everything. Any advice?
jj33 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 You have information she doesnt know and she has information you dont know and MM doesnt know what he knows. Her world has been blown apart. Really good you didnt "burst her bubble" You burst her bubble by being in an A with her H. And I say that as someone who had an affair with a married man. Why be cruel to someone whose world is crumbling at her feet (and I say that even if he stays). She may have sent the text out of bravado to show you she is standing by her marriage and not kicking him out the door. Regardless it it THEIR marriage. This man will not thank you for "bursting his wife's bubble" and its very unkind. And as you move forward waiting for him to make a decision, dont rationalize that you are doing her a favor by telling her the truth by way of details she has not requested. You arent. Unless she asks, telling her details is simply mean.
bentnotbroken Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 My MM's wife has figured out that her man is having an affair. She figured out the password on his phone and read all about it. She confronted him yesterday. This morning I got a txt from her, telling me how rosey their marriage and life is. I took the high road and didn't respond. I was so tempted to burst her bubble with information she doesn't know. MM has told me that he needs time to figure things out, as to whether he's going to stay with her or leave. I'm not holding my breath that he'll leave, but I'm having a hard time holding back and telling his wife everything. Any advice? The high road huh? Hmmm. Tell her and get of the "high" road.
jj33 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Oh Im sorry I thought she knows there was an affair. If hes gaslighting her and saying there was no affair then definitely tell her. Dont be a party to that.
lilbunny Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 You have information she doesnt know and she has information you dont know and MM doesnt know what he knows. Her world has been blown apart. Really good you didnt "burst her bubble" You burst her bubble by being in an A with her H. And I say that as someone who had an affair with a married man. Why be cruel to someone whose world is crumbling at her feet (and I say that even if he stays). She may have sent the text out of bravado to show you she is standing by her marriage and not kicking him out the door. Regardless it it THEIR marriage. This man will not thank you for "bursting his wife's bubble" and its very unkind. Dont do it. And dont rationalize that you are doing her a favor by telling her the truth by way of details she has not requested. You arent. Unless she asks, telling her details is simply mean. I have to agree with all of this. This woman is hurting, she is angry, try and put yourself in her shoes. If I ever get a phone call I am more than prepared to take everything she wants to sling at me on the chin, I might not like it, but I can understand it. Also, if you want a future with this MM this action could backfire badly and make him see you in a different light.
jj33 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Bent I so respect your views if the W knows why do you think that Pippi should give details? Or did you think the W doesnt know for sure?
Minnie09 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I agree with jj. There's no more bubble. You've already burst it. What exactly can be more devastating than finding out that your SO has been unfaithful? All further details are probably irrelevant to her. If he wants to save the M, he will downplay them and make you look like the culprit and liar.
desertIslandCactus Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I think when a wife trys contact with the OW, she is really fishing for information - no matter how she words her message. I wouldn't respond to her unless she asks you questions. Then I go with the thought that if a wife has been left in the dark by all (keeping her from going forward with her life) .. then she deserves answers. But that is just my opinion.
Author Pippi Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 I agree with jj. There's no more bubble. You've already burst it. What exactly can be more devastating than finding out that your SO has been unfaithful? All further details are probably irrelevant to her. If he wants to save the M, he will downplay them and make you look like the culprit and liar. Thank you everyone! I guess the one I should be pissed at, other than myself, is the MM. You're right, her world has been shattered and she is putting forward a brave face.
bentnotbroken Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Bent I so respect your views if the W knows why do you think that Pippi should give details? Or did you think the W doesnt know for sure? I don't know if she knows. I just think that if you are going to do the deed, then one should be prepared and at least show some respect by not avoiding the truth...all the truth, so that she can make an informed decision about her life. I think ignoring her calls is more gas lighting. Letting her mind imagine the worst and wonder what she doesn't know.
jj33 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Makes sense. Pippi you heard the woman, she knows what shes talking about. Shes been there. You need to find a polite way of filling her in. Dont compound the situation.
pollyanna22 Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 wow this all sounds too familliar...For me tho I burst the OW's bubble when I told her of the great sex my H and I had the night before he was supose to tell me everything and leave...wich was never happening.
Fallen Angel Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 wow this all sounds too familliar...For me tho I burst the OW's bubble when I told her of the great sex my H and I had the night before he was supose to tell me everything and leave...wich was never happening. Polly, You seem like a nice lady who has been going through a rough time, and i am sure that this poster just gave you a twang with what must have felt like her alomst gloating with the wole "burst her bubble" comment. But twanging her back will not help you heal. Perhaps being more honest and saying that upon the revelation of the affair, both you and the OW had bubble bursted moments. And it has been taking years for everyone involved to heal from it. ((hugs)) I wish you happy recovery. Pippi, You are wanting to tell her "everything" out of feelings of revenge? Spite? She called you to tell you how rock solid her marriage is because she is desperately trying to save it, and part of that involves convincing both you and herself that you were never a real threat to it at all. I personally would answer any questions she may have, but I would not volunteer information. When she is ready for it, she will seek you out, but telling her to try to hurt her at a time when she fears her whole world collapsing is just cruel. Would you also want to call and twist the knife in her back further if your MM had left her to come to you on your D-day? Not likely I think.. so perhaps you should try and show her a bit of compassion now, while she tries to stabilize her world. **since you are both new, I will say that I was a BW for 15 years and have been an OW for three years, so I can understand where both of you are coming from. P.S. Welcome to the board.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I don't think you should tell her anything. I would tell her to ask her H. GEL
September Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I don't think you should tell her anything. I would tell her to ask her H. GEL Agree with you GEL but a lot of us know that the MM doesn't reveal much about the A relationship to the BS. If my xMM's wife knew half of the things we did, how often we got together, how much and how often we had sex, things he wanted and promised, the fact we had a joint bank account, looked for houses together the list goes on and on, she would have done a John Wayne Bobbit on him. I could easily have really damaged their relationship more with the tonne of emails, photo's and texts from him from our 2 years together but chose not to (even though sometimes the idea is tempting..) It's something they have to figure out themselves.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 My MM's wife has figured out that her man is having an affair. She figured out the password on his phone and read all about it. She confronted him yesterday. This morning I got a txt from her, telling me how rosey their marriage and life is. I took the high road and didn't respond. you were messing around with her husband.....and you took the high road? there is no high road about it. of course their marriage isn't rosey, but she is probably devestated and hurting. If she lashes out at you its understandable. For you to say you took the high road is 1) inaccurate and 2) doing so without realizing she is in a state of mind that you and her husband helped to create. I was so tempted to burst her bubble with information she doesn't know. undoubtedly because you would like to cause her pain. MM has told me that he needs time to figure things out, as to whether he's going to stay with her or leave. I'm not holding my breath that he'll leave, but I'm having a hard time holding back and telling his wife everything. Any advice? go ahead and tell her, whether it is out of vindictiveness towards him or her. Because as long as she has the information she should have to make an informed decision about her life, so be it. and hopefully she files and takes half of everything he has. and then you can have this wonderful, cheating, lying man all to yourself.
Mimolicious Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 My MM's wife has figured out that her man is having an affair. She figured out the password on his phone and read all about it. She confronted him yesterday. This morning I got a txt from her, telling me how rosey their marriage and life is. I took the high road and didn't respond. I was so tempted to burst her bubble with information she doesn't know. MM has told me that he needs time to figure things out, as to whether he's going to stay with her or leave. I'm not holding my breath that he'll leave, but I'm having a hard time holding back and telling his wife everything. Any advice? The information you may have could be as bogus as the life she lives. Don't think that you have more reliable info than what you feel she experiences or not at home. You don't live in her house to know what is true or not and she didn't live in your A to know what is true or not. To tell is really up to you. It's like a pandora's box, just be ready for what you are going on unleash. If you are going to do it, have some class. Don't get all grimmey and lose yourself on the wayside.
2themoon&back Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I don't think you should tell her anything. I would tell her to ask her H. GEL i agree with you gel!! that is the only thing to say .
torranceshipman Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 My MM's wife has figured out that her man is having an affair. She figured out the password on his phone and read all about it. She confronted him yesterday. This morning I got a txt from her, telling me how rosey their marriage and life is. I took the high road and didn't respond. I was so tempted to burst her bubble with information she doesn't know. MM has told me that he needs time to figure things out, as to whether he's going to stay with her or leave. I'm not holding my breath that he'll leave, but I'm having a hard time holding back and telling his wife everything. Any advice? Do what YOU want to do, and feel is right, not what HE wants you to do. What is your gut reaction?
Author Pippi Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 I'm just going to leave it be. Have had time to think about things and yes, I'm angry, but for the wrong reasons. I understand that her world as she knew it, is no more. She has a new reality to live with. Her husband has lied to her and now she needs to do what she needs to do to protect herself and their kids. Yes, my heart is broken, as I was okay with the way things were. I'm very independent and liked having a "part" man in my life. I don't expect that it will continue. MM and I haven't had any contact since Friday, although he did "like" one of my FB status' today. So he's still looking and I noticed that W now has a FB account as she came up as "friends I may know". Good thing my settings are to friends only. Thanks to all who shared their thoughts.
pollyanna22 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'm just going to leave it be. Have had time to think about things and yes, I'm angry, but for the wrong reasons. I understand that her world as she knew it, is no more. She has a new reality to live with. Her husband has lied to her and now she needs to do what she needs to do to protect herself and their kids. Yes, my heart is broken, as I was okay with the way things were. I'm very independent and liked having a "part" man in my life. I don't expect that it will continue. MM and I haven't had any contact since Friday, although he did "like" one of my FB status' today. So he's still looking and I noticed that W now has a FB account as she came up as "friends I may know". Good thing my settings are to friends only. Thanks to all who shared their thoughts. Why are you still on his FB...face book is the Devil..I swear!
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