xxSRMxx Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Im not new to loveshack, However I am new to this thread... I work in a busy restaurant, lots of staff, I have made amazing friends there and id consider myself popular, I always kept my love life private and never got myself in the scandal that goes on there! Then along came a christmas party, *Mark is 25 years old, he has another job so he only works in the kitchen a couple of days a week, I never used to speak to him until the xmas party when we discovered we had loads in common, He made me laugh and feel good, Sadly he had an engagement ring on his finger... Still, that didnt stop me and i slept with him that night. I gave him my number that night and when i woke up i expected to not hear a thing from him but i did, him asking me not to mention to anybody about last night and how am i etc. I assured him i wouldnt, I did feel a bit bad but I have NEVER met the fiancee etc, I didnt think anything of it....still he texed me everyday asking how i was, we exchanged chit chat and this is when our fling started. The xmas party was in jan and he got married late feb, In the run up to him getting married (TWO DAYS before to be exact) we spent a few nights together, the day he got married I backed well off, I put myself down to a little pre wedding fling, I texed him wishing him all the best etc and i was ok to just leave things. We didnt speak for about a month, he wasnt at work due to being off etc with his wedding and honeymoon....On march 26th During this month my older brother was killed in a car accident, aged just 29 this broke my heart.. I started trying to rebuild my life and just before my brothers funeral he texed me asking how i was....I told him what happened he said if i ever needed a friend etc, I kept it short and appreciated it, I started receiving texes off him saying he would love to spend time with me again, I told him to respect his vows and that i wouldnt do it....A few days later i buried my brother, My absolute hero... I miss him now and always will.. A few weeks went by and my family life hadnt been very nice, the grief had consumed us all and i guess I jus needed a bit of love and attention, our fling had started again...He came back to work part time, Working with him made me fancy him all ova again etc. Its now been 9 months, weve slept together about 10 times in that period, we talk everyday, text all day etc... The past month i have developed massive feelings for him. I was a girl who hated females who dd things with other womans men, I was always the first to judge until I got myself into this... The other woman is a soul destroying life to live and he is eating away at me each day, Weve never said we love each other or anything....His wife is young, 24, a year older than me, she doesnt suspect, shes a lovely looking girl, I feel like ****. Its got to the point now where a few people at work have started talking and he rang me this afternoon saying ''im gonna lose everything'' etc and that people are gonna find out, whys he done it? can someone shine some light on this shower of ****? Im desperate to leave, but I cant.....
tantus Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 come clean before u end up with a baby and no boyfriend or husband or fling. meet someone who isnt taken. IF u hated other girls doing what you have done, then its not okay to lower your vaules and do the things u hated about others. If ur not going to church, I reccomend that will help u get in a better direction or start counseling to deal with the griefing process. even better yet do both. What ever happens learn from ur expereinces and mistakes. good luck!
desertIslandCactus Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I am so sorry about the loss of your precious brother. And sorry also for the hurt and desolation you are going through with the MM.. These affairs are addictive and sex is the greatest intimacy of all anyway, making it harder. I know how much you are hurting in wanting to stay with him, while wanting to remove yourself and feel complete again, and with no hurt. All I can say is, plan your escape. Could take days, months - but plan on leaving this destructive relationship.
Author xxSRMxx Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 thanks for your feedback.... But how can i escape? I was thinking about blocking his number but i will see him once a week at work (he works sundays) hes always apologising to me saying he knows he is a ****head etc. I really have thought about confessing, not because I want him, but bcus I hate walking around with this on my head. But i dont want to say anything, Ill be the one who looks just as bad, which I am. I know no contact will hurt but maybe its for the best, but im so weak inside right now anyway that I dont think im strong enough for it.
lilbunny Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Hugs to you SRM, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. This isn't what you need right now. Look at it this way, this guy was cheating on someone just before the wedding and has continued it immediately after. He hasn't been married for 20 years, found himself in an unhappy M or met someone out of the blue, he has entered married life cheating it seems with every intention of carrying on. I can't see anything to explain this man's actions other than selfishness. Is this the sort of man you would want to be with full time? I understand it isn't easy to walk away when there are feelings involved and at least it doesn't sound like he has made you a load of promises. I suspect you are a little vulnerable at the moment, he knows what you have been through and has carried on regardless. Is he worried about how you might be feeling? Has he even asked? He is certainly worried about getting caught. Again, would you want that sort of a guy full time? I hope you can find the strength to get out of this. Take care of yourself.
desertIslandCactus Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Yes, I agree w lilbunny .. It could be worse, you could be married to him. Try to busy your personal life with projects, self improvement etc. By busying yourself, you may be able to get through the Sunday workshift better, and with the knowledge that there are better things to focus on, while building your confidence, self esteem back up. You are too whole, complete of a woman to suffer through this love w an unavailable person, and his fraction of the available life.
Author xxSRMxx Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 This is the thing that annoys me about him.... He keeps saying he wants to be my friend and doesnt want me to hate him, i said to him today to lets just stop speakin altogether, and he was like but i dont want you to hate me. he is selfish your right, But i do genuinely believe hes messed up and doesnt know why hes in his situation himself!! I told him hes cheated on her once and hell do it again with someone else but hes said he doesnt think hell do it again. Im glad im not married to him, but that doesnt stop me being stupidly jealous of his wife!! They had a big expensive wedding, nice house and I just cant help but be jealous! Losing my brother definately weakened me and I guess I just wanted him back in my life to make me laugh etc....But now feelings are involved and im the only person who will be hurt. i was super cool about it at first and even joked about my situation...Until i started to fall for him... The other day i was having a bad day with my family after wed been to my bros grave, I was in bed moping about and he called me, I asked him what he was doing, he said ive just left work to check on how u are etc. I just thought u wanker dont be nice to me it makes me love u more!!! I will try my hardest, but my hardest right now isnt good enough.
desertIslandCactus Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 It is true, when we are vulnerable - and they are nice, it is appreciated and as a replacement. It is common to be jealous of the W and especially jealous of the life they live. Try to remember that this is Your life. You were most probably satisfied before he came on the scene - and his being in your life has given you a False discontentment. When you are over this, you will no longer be envious of his wife or their life. If it can be done to not speak at work, it would be good. I think that it is only with NC that you can back away and go into healing - also this causes you to see the fantasy for what it wasn't. Remember that he is Using you to enhance his life. When married people (or those in a relationship) go into outside relationships - it is all about using others to ingratiate their lives.
Darren Steez Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Ask yourself this question? What is the future of this relationship? You have feeling for a man who cheated on his fiancée, now is cheating on his wife. He's got you all figured out, as long as he keeps contact, sends you little texts or calls you WHEN HE'S AWAY FROM HIS WIFE, then he's got you...try this why don't you call him at home, see how much of a concerned friend he really is, most likely he'll tell you to never call there again, then call you back apologizing with all his nonsense. Now you're a smart girl, and right now you are vulnerable and seeking comfort in the wrong way, but why are you swallowing his bull? Step outside your shoes and read your post again as if this were someone else, I bet you'd be pissed off with the girl. I know it's hard but you need to draw a line on this, he's married and you're his bit on the side and that will never change. Be civil when you see him but cut him off, he's not a friend and he's using you, but more importantly he has a wife at home who has no idea her husband has been cheating on her. Instead of being jealous, why don't you think of her and how devastated she will be when she finally finds out. I hope it works out for you.
Author xxSRMxx Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Hmmm.....I agree.....I did say i am jealous of his wife but I have also thought about how much it would hurt her, Im not heartless, I know if it came out it would destroy her. I said to him today alot of the things that have been mentioned, that hes not a true friend etc, all he could do was deny it, but hes a liar so.... Thought about blocking his number? I dont have to speak to him that much at work to be fair....
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