Milkchoc Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Would appreciate an oppionion or two here - being buried in the midst of it all certainly clouds your vision! My on/off boyfriend (currently off!) break up over my lack of tollerance of his bad habits. He is a wonderful man and when it's good, it's really good - we're very close and we share every emotion together - proper soul mates (or so I believed). I have a huge trust issue whereby I absolutely hate things being kept from me. This stems from my father cheating on my mother for years and her not knowing about it. The problems with my partner started off when I found out he was frequently comunicating with a woman on the internet during the early months of our relationship. One night I caught him whispering on the phone, I questioned him and he told me about her. I went absolutly livid!. It's not the fact that he was communicating with this woman, it was the fact that he'd kept it from me. That made me feel he had something to hide. Since then it's gone pretty much downhill. I find it impossible to build any trust in him because of his actions - He turns his phone off and leaves it in the car most of the time before coming to see me; he deletes all his texts and call history on his mobile; He switches the channel on the TV when I walk into the room; If his phone rings, he lets it go to voicemail most of the time; I accuse him of playing mind games with me. he denies this and denies he's hiding anything from me. I feel like I'm getting paranoid. He loves porn and often stares (propper stares) at women whilst we are out together. I've stopped holding his hand whilst we are out and about now so I don't feel so inferior and humiliated. But whenever I confront him about his habits (staring at women or looking at Porn on the internet) he always denies it. Thing is, I found out that it's not the act itself that narks me off, it's him not fessing up - the fact that he lies about what he does or withholds stuff from me - it sends my mind racing and I shake with anxiety. I yell some stuff at him and end our relationship every time. We've been apart now for nearly a year but I really miss him. Although he is eager for us to get back together I refuse to because the cycle had to be broken. I am honestly scared stiff of going back to him because of the way my self esteem fell every time. He suggests I should see a therapist to overcome my 'obsessiveness' - he assured me that all men look at porn and women; that the problem is with me. I'm not entirely sure that I am fully to blame here. what do you think ?
FryFish Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Hmm... The porn thing, all guys DO watch porn. He might be an addict he might not. As for staring at other women while out... NO, MOST guys have the decency to NOT do that. It is really just kinda mean. The cell phone thing, turning it off, hiding it, deleting texts, ignoring calls...: He is cheating on you. Dont take him back. edit: he is also gaslighting you with the suggestion of you getting therapy...
Author Milkchoc Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 ... As for staring at other women while out... NO, MOST guys have the decency to NOT do that. It is really just kinda mean. The cell phone thing, turning it off, hiding it, deleting texts, ignoring calls...: He is cheating on you. Dont take him back. edit: he is also gaslighting you with the suggestion of you getting therapy... Thanks for the opinion FryFish, you kind of confirmed how I felt. Some guys (and girls !) do these kind of things to boost their own self esteem. He knows his actions drive me insane yet he continues to do them. Yep, I know I'm better off without him. thanks again
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