How do you deal with it ?

[morea7]

Hi,

 

I have followed the forum for some time but this is my first post.

This could be long but I try to keep it short:

I have been married for 7 years now and we have a child together and we both work.

I always wonder how do other men deal with the situation when their wife do not seem to have any desire for sex. I mean how do you take care of your sexual needs ?

In my case there is hardly any sex and to my wife it seems like a burden. Either she is tired from work or she is not in mood in general or she says she has no desire for it, although sometimes she says she feels bad about it but doesn't know whats wrong. Then she forgets about it. She mostly doesn't seem to be concerned either.

Its almost become a chore between us - I bring it up - she sounds like I am always asking for sex and that thats the only thing on my mind all the time - she promises to have sex at some time - and when that time comes something else comes up or she is tired or some such thing.

I help around the home as much as possible and try to be calm in conflict situation to keep a good environment. Separation is not an option for me for the sake of my child.

I wonder if many others are in such situation. My main concern here is -- ok if I do not get enough sex how do I take care of my sexual needs. Sleeping with them would end up in disaster for my family so even though there might be several chances, I refrain from that. Going to prostitutes is not an option. I end up thinking about sex a lot due to lack of sex and I do mast..bate and it seems like I end up doing it too much and it starts to affect my whole life. I really do not know how to handle this situation.

How do you guys deal with it and keep things in control?

Do women also have suggestions from their husbands' point of views ?

 

Hope I was clear and hope I do get some helpful replies.

 

Thanks

[giotto]

Hi,

 

I have followed the forum for some time but this is my first post.

This could be long but I try to keep it short:

I have been married for 7 years now and we have a child together and we both work.

I always wonder how do other men deal with the situation when their wife do not seem to have any desire for sex. I mean how do you take care of your sexual needs ?

In my case there is hardly any sex and to my wife it seems like a burden. Either she is tired from work or she is not in mood in general or she says she has no desire for it, although sometimes she says she feels bad about it but doesn't know whats wrong. Then she forgets about it. She mostly doesn't seem to be concerned either.

Its almost become a chore between us - I bring it up - she sounds like I am always asking for sex and that thats the only thing on my mind all the time - she promises to have sex at some time - and when that time comes something else comes up or she is tired or some such thing.

I help around the home as much as possible and try to be calm in conflict situation to keep a good environment. Separation is not an option for me for the sake of my child.

I wonder if many others are in such situation. My main concern here is -- ok if I do not get enough sex how do I take care of my sexual needs. Sleeping with them would end up in disaster for my family so even though there might be several chances, I refrain from that. Going to prostitutes is not an option. I end up thinking about sex a lot due to lack of sex and I do mast..bate and it seems like I end up doing it too much and it starts to affect my whole life. I really do not know how to handle this situation.

How do you guys deal with it and keep things in control?

Do women also have suggestions from their husbands' point of views ?

 

Hope I was clear and hope I do get some helpful replies.

 

Thanks

 

there are no helpful suggestions... welcome to the club! I take care of myself watching a little porn from time to time. Hardly satisfactory, but the alternative is divorce, and I have 4 kids I don't want to leave.

 

BTW, how's the rest of the relationship? Mine used to be very good, but then resentment builds up and ruins everything... we tried MC, to no avail. Does your wife know how serious this is for you?

[TaraMaiden]

Actually, to my mind, you have several options:

 

She could go to the doctor to evaluate her health, hormone levels and general lifestyle.

 

After that, if nothing inherently significant comes back, you should both seriously consider Psychosexual Counselling.

A very good organisation called Marriage Care will help you, or seek a referral through your doctor.

 

Remember that Psychosexual Counselling is not a way to play a Blame Game.

You have a problem within the marriage.

Providing you both recognise that, and both want to work on that, then, psychosexual counselling will help fathom the cause, not focus on the symptoms.

 

If none of the above seems feasible, you then have further sub-options:

 

Cheat, with a willing FwB;

 

Divorce; (Trust me, kids are resilient, and do survive, it happens a lot....)

 

Find a sexual partner with your wife's agreement, consent and tacit understanding that this is never referred to, discussed or alluded to. This is your release, it's not an emotional involvement and should it become one, you stop and end it immediately,

 

Or finally - get used to it, and get over it.

 

Roughly 50% of women go off sex at some point in their lives, it happens and the reasons are legion, but the fundamental fact is the same, They go off it, their men go without.

 

The way round it is to understand that this isn't about fault, resentment, animosity or hostility. It's a dynamic, it happens and it's the way it is.

 

Go to it, pick an option.......

 

Oh and by the way: You may get a member on here (fowler) who will make a flaming troll post about no woman liking sex and it's completely natural and he won't know why you're surprised. Leave him be and ignore him, he's just bitter and somewhat resentful, but it's purely personal.....

[keane2010]

One thing that wasn't clear in the post was how you would describe your current attempts at increasing her interest. I know you mentioned that you help around the house, but I assume this was not related to the sex issue, but just the overall relationship.

 

Don't want to assume you haven't tried, but the post wasn't clear. My personal situation is almost the opposite. My wife is very upset that three to four times a week is enough for me, but I've assumed it was due to her insecurities.

 

Still, you should probably accept that whatever tact you take will take time. And, if its worth it, you'll likely have to stretch your creativity to find what works. Some would ridicule - but hey, it works for me. Never once had to ask for sex. There is no recipe that works for all people, so most people just don't really stretch themselves or they tell themselves they shouldn't have to try.

 

When I'm in the mood, I start as soon as I get home from work, or if she is not working, I like to call her during the day to let her know I'm thinking about her (but let her know I can't tell her how because people might overhear.) When I know she'll be home alone, I might call her and warn her that there are some hidden messages in her china that she wouldn't want the kids to read. In between the plates, I'll insert coupons good for sensous massages, bubble baths, etc.

 

During the evening, does she respond when you whisper in her ear? As the evening progresses, whispering and compliments turn to touching? Are there areas she is particularly sensitive? My wife has a birthmark on her neck. It drives her crazy when I go after it while I'm cooking. Some nights, I'll just give a massage and then just kiss her and tell her goodnight.

 

My wife responds to the captured glance, where I look at her meaningfully during dinner as though I'm implying more.

 

More importantly, if she expreses that she's feeling used, you can let her know that sex is off the table for a while, then focus on driving her crazy under the blanket some nights while you watch television. Ultimately, if she senses that the focus is more her than you, it might work.

 

Lastly, does she respond better when you come off as self-confident as opposed to begging? My wife said it drives her crazy when I sometimes introduce a little conflict. Or after following her into the restaraunt because I enjoy the view, then telling her that I'll let her follow behind on the way out (she likes my butt).

 

But its always possible that the issue is medical, and if so, at least you tried.

[giotto]

One thing that wasn't clear in the post was how you would describe your current attempts at increasing her interest. I know you mentioned that you help around the house, but I assume this was not related to the sex issue, but just the overall relationship.

 

Don't want to assume you haven't tried, but the post wasn't clear. My personal situation is almost the opposite. My wife is very upset that three to four times a week is enough for me, but I've assumed it was due to her insecurities.

 

Still, you should probably accept that whatever tact you take will take time. And, if its worth it, you'll likely have to stretch your creativity to find what works. Some would ridicule - but hey, it works for me. Never once had to ask for sex. There is no recipe that works for all people, so most people just don't really stretch themselves or they tell themselves they shouldn't have to try.

 

When I'm in the mood, I start as soon as I get home from work, or if she is not working, I like to call her during the day to let her know I'm thinking about her (but let her know I can't tell her how because people might overhear.) When I know she'll be home alone, I might call her and warn her that there are some hidden messages in her china that she wouldn't want the kids to read. In between the plates, I'll insert coupons good for sensous massages, bubble baths, etc.

 

During the evening, does she respond when you whisper in her ear? As the evening progresses, whispering and compliments turn to touching? Are there areas she is particularly sensitive? My wife has a birthmark on her neck. It drives her crazy when I go after it while I'm cooking. Some nights, I'll just give a massage and then just kiss her and tell her goodnight.

 

My wife responds to the captured glance, where I look at her meaningfully during dinner as though I'm implying more.

 

More importantly, if she expreses that she's feeling used, you can let her know that sex is off the table for a while, then focus on driving her crazy under the blanket some nights while you watch television. Ultimately, if she senses that the focus is more her than you, it might work.

 

Lastly, does she respond better when you come off as self-confident as opposed to begging? My wife said it drives her crazy when I sometimes introduce a little conflict. Or after following her into the restaraunt because I enjoy the view, then telling her that I'll let her follow behind on the way out (she likes my butt).

 

But its always possible that the issue is medical, and if so, at least you tried.

 

 

This is the funniest post ever!

[keane2010]

This is the funniest post ever!

 

Maybe that's why you've had so much trouble getting laid!!!

 

Seriously, you said in a previous post that you are now up to two times a month??

[Distant78]

Hi,

 

I have followed the forum for some time but this is my first post.

This could be long but I try to keep it short:

I have been married for 7 years now and we have a child together and we both work.

I always wonder how do other men deal with the situation when their wife do not seem to have any desire for sex. I mean how do you take care of your sexual needs ?

In my case there is hardly any sex and to my wife it seems like a burden. Either she is tired from work or she is not in mood in general or she says she has no desire for it, although sometimes she says she feels bad about it but doesn't know whats wrong. Then she forgets about it. She mostly doesn't seem to be concerned either.

Its almost become a chore between us - I bring it up - she sounds like I am always asking for sex and that thats the only thing on my mind all the time - she promises to have sex at some time - and when that time comes something else comes up or she is tired or some such thing.

I help around the home as much as possible and try to be calm in conflict situation to keep a good environment. Separation is not an option for me for the sake of my child.

I wonder if many others are in such situation. My main concern here is -- ok if I do not get enough sex how do I take care of my sexual needs. Sleeping with them would end up in disaster for my family so even though there might be several chances, I refrain from that. Going to prostitutes is not an option. I end up thinking about sex a lot due to lack of sex and I do mast..bate and it seems like I end up doing it too much and it starts to affect my whole life. I really do not know how to handle this situation.

How do you guys deal with it and keep things in control?

Do women also have suggestions from their husbands' point of views ?

 

Hope I was clear and hope I do get some helpful replies.

 

Thanks

 

Its very unlikely that you're going to remain faithful until your kid goes to college so quit with the "divorce is bad because of my kid" talk. If you guys haven't been to counseling then you need to go to it and hash out these issues. If that doesn't work and she continues to be ignorant to your needs and you can't take it any longer then you need to file for divorce before you end up cheating and opening up another can of worms. Filing may wake her up but if it doesn't then you need to leave her. Unless she has a medical/mental problem regarding sexual activities then she's probably cheating. There's an old saying: "If you are getting too much or too little something's going on."

Edited August 30, 2010 by Distant78

[TaraMaiden]

Its very unlikely that you're going to remain faithful until your kid goes to college so quit with the "divorce is bad because of my kid" talk.

If things go on like this, I agree.

 

If you guys haven't been to counseling then you need to go to it and hash out these issues.

Well yeah, I suggested this too.... so I agree....

 

If that doesn't work and she continues to be ignorant to your needs and you can't take it any longer then you need to file for divorce before you end up cheating and opening up another can of worms.

Yes, I mentioned it would be better to divorce....

 

Filing may wake her up but if it doesn't then you need to leave her. Unless she has a medical/mental problem regarding sexual activities

Which I did suggest should be investigated as a possibility...

 

then she's probably cheating.

This is crap, however.

Women who don't want sex with their husbands over a prolonged period of time, are off sex. I know this, and the statistics quite plainly bear this out. it's an altogether fr too common problem.

You need to research this....

 

There's an old saying: "If you are getting too much or too little something's going on."

Rubbish. Utter tosh, there's no such saying. You made it up, or if you didn't, then find a quotable source. Otherwise stop inventing things simply to apparently back up your own flawed assumptions.....

[giotto]

Maybe that's why you've had so much trouble getting laid!!!

 

Seriously, you said in a previous post that you are now up to two times a month??

 

sorry, made me smile and it's quite astonishing there can be such different relationships amongst married people. If I did that with my wife, she would think I'd had a brain transplant! But it's great to see that on this board that there are so many different dynamics and I'm genuinely glad for the people who make it work or are just lucky they were able to maintain their chemistry after many years...

 

In my experience, the OP has two options: he can try to fix it or divorce. He might be able to fix it, but then he will have to live with the doubt that his wife is doing it for him... and that's not nice...

[Distant78]

If things go on like this, I agree.

 

 

Well yeah, I suggested this too.... so I agree....

 

 

Yes, I mentioned it would be better to divorce....

 

 

Which I did suggest should be investigated as a possibility...

 

 

This is crap, however.

Women who don't want sex with their husbands over a prolonged period of time, are off sex. I know this, and the statistics quite plainly bear this out. it's an altogether fr too common problem.

You need to research this....

 

 

Rubbish. Utter tosh, there's no such saying. You made it up, or if you didn't, then find a quotable source. Otherwise stop inventing things simply to apparently back up your own flawed assumptions.....

 

I wasn't talking to you so i'm asking you to leave me alone.

Edited August 30, 2010 by Distant78

[hopesndreams]

I wasn't talking to you so i'm asking you to leave me alone.

 

Touched a raw nerve eh?

[Distant78]

Touched a raw nerve eh?

 

No she didn't. Its just getting irritating.

[You Go Girl]

I'm of the opinion that when sex is missing from a marriage, more than likely something is missing in the intimacy dept. I'm talking about really knowing each other, really being close emotionally.

I think women go off sex (and they do quite often, and without a replacement of any kind) that they don't feel emotionally close to their H's.

Women's libido is often lower than a man's, particularly when their focus is raising children.

But women have been wooed since the dawn of time I'm sure...and their interest is there when they feel very close and truly loved by their man.

Kind of like the saying that men are always ready, women need to be warmed up...well that warming up for a woman starts in her heart.

I don't mean buy flowers. I mean take the effort to really be emotionally close to her.

[Distant78]

Whatever you do, don't cheat. Keep the urges at bay.

[morea7]

Thanks everyone for your replies. All that made me think. Here are my responses:

 

As per our relationship in general, its kind of fine. We do not fight over things in general except about how to manage things. Since we both work, managing home is always on our nerves....as it is mostly unorganized etc. However, that does not prolong and we make up mostly. Sometimes we mind each others' remarks and that goes back and forth but I eventually make up. So in a way we are compatible but there is still a lot of scope for improvement.

 

I guess intimacy department has problems. Initially, I never paid attention to it and took everything for granted as we got married and she wanted to be more intimate (as I think back now sometimes) and close. But once I realized, I have made all efforts in last several years to do things with regards to more romance and intimacy (though I guess I could do more) but she has become almost nil on that. She appreciates those things but seems like she forgets. I am sure she is not taking any revenge but eventually I feel it insensitive to me.

Eventually, I guess it culminates into less sexual desire. I do not think its medical issue (though we haven't gotten checked) as she does get aroused when we have sex. But the thing is that she says she gets aroused only when she is nearing her periods (which is understandable due to hormones) but it feels bad in the sense that it would be so nice if she felt aroused due to being with me (irrespective of periods or not) rather than just because of hormones. Further, I do not want to have sex with me just for the sake of it or just as a duty but as a real "want and desire" to do it with me....So you see all this can be somewhat hurtful for self esteem. Wonder if she is attracted to me although I keep letting her know that I am always so much attracted to her.

 

Sometimes I wonder it could be also because of her mind on our situation - as we work, we have stress - and to add to that we are in academic work which does not have its long term sureity and there can be long hours. Probably the uncertainity affects her too much-- she talks about it many times.

 

I have tried to explain her how it affects me but I wonder if that had any effect.

 

As I said earlier, separation is not an option for me as I am not at that stage yet (I do not hate her) and I personally might find it difficult to leave this marriage and get emotionally involved with another woman ( just for sex ?)..

 

I am also sure she is not cheating or anything.

 

My problem is that because of lack of sex, I end up thinking about it (my situation and sex) too much and it affects my daily life. Could there be a healthier and controlled way to find an outlet -- and of course it would be best if my wife's desires increase.

 

All your comments have made me think more positively and I think you might have more to comment based on what I have written. Its probably a good way to look into my situation by talking to you guys. Please keep sending your thoughtful comments and I hope other join in. I believe, what we go through in life makes us what we are and hope everyone has a positive life...

 

Thanks

[morea7]

Whatever you do, don't cheat. Keep the urges at bay.

 

Yes thats what I try to do. There can be many chances but I try to not cheat - cheating emotionally is out of question in my current situation but cheating just for sex - so far the urge is in control and I think it will be....

[xxoo]

What happens on the "no sex" days? Is there a lot of touch? Skin to skin cuddling and snuggling before sleep?

 

I have a few days a month that I am thinking of and wanting sex just for sex. Those are hormonally "horny" days. For me, this is around ovulation.

 

But, we have a lot of sex throughout the month. On the other days, I get into bed wanting to cuddle and touch and snuggle with my H, and, sure enough, the touch and intimacy generates the sexual desire. Sitting in the living room, my desire for sex is very low, but my desire to cuddle is high. Once we get skin-to-skin, my desire for sex magically appears

 

I think something that happens, though, is that women who've felt pressured for sex start to resist the skin to skin cuddling, fearing it will just lead to pressure for sex. So my advice for you would be to introduce a lot of touch WITHOUT pressure for sex. My advice for her, if she were asking, would be to cuddle up naked and THEN decide if she is in the mood for sex. You, however, need to be prepared to accept "no" when naked together sometimes (maybe a lot of times at first), and just enjoy the cuddles.

 

Tara, this article is great! I think the suggestions in this article are really, really good--for both men and women.

 

common problem.

[Distant78]

Yes thats what I try to do. There can be many chances but I try to not cheat - cheating emotionally is out of question in my current situation but cheating just for sex - so far the urge is in control and I think it will be....

 

Have you recently tried romancing her? If that doesn't work then you and her may need some sex therapy.

[fltc]

Eventually, I guess it culminates into less sexual desire. I do not think its medical issue (though we haven't gotten checked) as she does get aroused when we have sex. But the thing is that she says she gets aroused only when she is nearing her periods (which is understandable due to hormones)

 

Get her to a doctor, her/your problem might be easily fixed if it's a hormone thing....

[TaraMaiden]

No she didn't. Its just getting irritating.

 

I'm really sorry you find it irritating. I honestly am. Send me a PM to tell me why....

But maybe the only reason you find it irritating is because my comments are based on fact, logic, research and broad professional experience. I've worked closely in Relationships counselling. I've heard so much in my time, absolutely nothing surprises me or shocks me at all, and nothing is as 'abnormal, unusual or uncommon' as people suppose.

 

You should block her if she's harassing you.

I truly am harassing nobody. I just think too much inaccurate information and biased advice hits this forum. Many members post advice from a position of emotional experience and pain, rather than giving an impersonal and informed opinion...

 

Whatever you do, don't cheat. Keep the urges at bay.

Again, I completely agree with you.

 

Have you recently tried romancing her? If that doesn't work then you and her may need some sex therapy.

And we're agreed here, too....

 

Get her to a doctor, her/your problem might be easily fixed if it's a hormone thing....

 

Zinc food supplements may help. Many women with a low libido find they are deficient in some essential minerals, and Zinc deficiency is extremely common.

It's found in a lot of fish, and it's not a common dietary item.

[giotto]

I think something that happens, though, is that women who've felt pressured for sex start to resist the skin to skin cuddling, fearing it will just lead to pressure for sex.

 

This is what happened to us... the intimacy's gone because of deeply rooted fears of what it might happen and what it might not happen. At the end, we erected our defence mechanisms and at the moment we are in stalemate, really. It would be nice to have the relationship back, as it was, but I'm now too scared! I hate the whole waiting for sex thing. For example, it's been 10 days now and last night I was maybe expecting it a little (wife's been away for 3 days on a leisure trip with her sister, to a theatre festival and I was here on my own with the kids still off school and working full time...), but not only it was off she didn't even mention it... like, ok, maybe Thursday... So, I'm really piss off at the moment. How can I re-initiate contact when the situation is like this? You, know, it's bloody difficult. And do I really want that? Why would I want sex with a woman who has no respect for me and my feelings? How can you repair that? And how can you forget? I think it will be the same for the OP...

[xxoo]

This is what happened to us... the intimacy's gone because of deeply rooted fears of what it might happen and what it might not happen. At the end, we erected our defence mechanisms and at the moment we are in stalemate, really.

 

It is sad

 

I've read it advised to have set days with: "no sex today, but lots of touch" to reset the system. Days when you, as a couple, agree not to have sex no matter what--even if you both get turned on. Just get back into the habit of touching a lot, unrelated to an end of sex. Because, for me, at least, it IS the touch that generates sexual thoughts outside of that one hormonal week a month that my body screams for sex.

 

I always ask "what happens on the days with no sex?" because I think it is an important question. My H and I have a lot of sex, so obviously I have a libido, enjoy sex with him, want him, love him, etc. But--if we've gone a week with little sex/low touch (say, work schedules have cut into our couple time), it is awkward for me getting "back on the wagon" on the weekend. If it is awkward for me, after only a week low-intimate touch--I can only imagine how awkward it is for a wife in a generally low-intimate touch relationship. Quite frankly, I can't imagine maintaining a sex life with a man who I only touch intimately a few times a month, and always when we have sex. It would be way too awkward for me.

 

Being penetrated by a man (and, yes, oral sex is penetration) can make a woman feel extremely vulnerable, and many of us really need to feel close, connected, and safe before sex--while men tend to need sex to feel close and connected. It's tricky.

[giotto]

It is sad

 

I've read it advised to have set days with: "no sex today, but lots of touch" to reset the system. Days when you, as a couple, agree not to have sex no matter what--even if you both get turned on. Just get back into the habit of touching a lot, unrelated to an end of sex. Because, for me, at least, it IS the touch that generates sexual thoughts outside of that one hormonal week a month that my body screams for sex.

 

I always ask "what happens on the days with no sex?" because I think it is an important question. My H and I have a lot of sex, so obviously I have a libido, enjoy sex with him, want him, love him, etc. But--if we've gone a week with little sex/low touch (say, work schedules have cut into our couple time), it is awkward for me getting "back on the wagon" on the weekend. If it is awkward for me, after only a week low-intimate touch--I can only imagine how awkward it is for a wife in a generally low-intimate touch relationship. Quite frankly, I can't imagine maintaining a sex life with a man who I only touch intimately a few times a month, and always when we have sex. It would be way too awkward for me.

 

Being penetrated by a man (and, yes, oral sex is penetration) can make a woman feel extremely vulnerable, and many of us really need to feel close, connected, and safe before sex--while men tend to need sex to feel close and connected. It's tricky.

 

difficult to reset the relationship after 10 years of this... and to be honest I don't really know if I want to! Sometimes she's just such a selfish cow I want to scream...

[morea7]

It is sad

 

I've read it advised to have set days with: "no sex today, but lots of touch" to reset the system. Days when you, as a couple, agree not to have sex no matter what--even if you both get turned on. Just get back into the habit of touching a lot, unrelated to an end of sex. Because, for me, at least, it IS the touch that generates sexual thoughts outside of that one hormonal week a month that my body screams for sex.

 

I always ask "what happens on the days with no sex?" because I think it is an important question. My H and I have a lot of sex, so obviously I have a libido, enjoy sex with him, want him, love him, etc. But--if we've gone a week with little sex/low touch (say, work schedules have cut into our couple time), it is awkward for me getting "back on the wagon" on the weekend. If it is awkward for me, after only a week low-intimate touch--I can only imagine how awkward it is for a wife in a generally low-intimate touch relationship. Quite frankly, I can't imagine maintaining a sex life with a man who I only touch intimately a few times a month, and always when we have sex. It would be way too awkward for me.

 

Being penetrated by a man (and, yes, oral sex is penetration) can make a woman feel extremely vulnerable, and many of us really need to feel close, connected, and safe before sex--while men tend to need sex to feel close and connected. It's tricky.

 

I see your points here (and in your earlier message) and can put things a bit into perspective.

 

I normally give her the benefit of doubt - things like tiredness, stress etc. However, even after several tries when things do not work, it starts to get to me and my efforts start to get converted to frustration which I guess ruins whatever little effect my earlier efforts might have had.

You say that your sex desire is high during ovulation time and so is with my W. This atleast is a relief in some way that other women too want sex just for sex (apart from love maybe) during that period... However, I see mostly her sex desire "only" during ovulation (which I happily oblige) but hardly at any other time. So I feel kind of used. I guess its my fault that I just slip at any chance of cuddling (she likes to cuddles but doesn't want to take clothes off -- so skin-to-skin is difficult to initiate) and try to initiate sex. I guess I should firmly try your "no sex" idea.

 

I guess eventually all this ends up in begging kind of as I do not want to force her and waiting for her to initiate can be highly frustrating. Sometimes I am almost skeptical to ask for the fear of rejection......

 

So I guess I try some ideas as a mini project and see how it goes. I guess it could be hard road ahead. I still believe that things can turn around - actually they must - she is a good woman and I do not want to lose her..

 

Just got her a coupon for full body aroma massage. She is happy (this would be her first time and she had been talking about how good it would be to be in some spa) but it has not translated into anything physical. I wonder if it might translate once she had the actual massage.... If it does not it would be a disappointment of some sort...

I guess in that case I'll have to satisfy myself by thinking that I gave that gift for her happiness rather than for anything in return.... so altruistic.... but practically confusing... anyway I'll see....

[Distant78]

Good that progress is being made, and you're doing things for her, but make sure you're getting your needs met also, because it seems as if you're putting in a lot of work and no playtime.