Lili 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Hi, please help me I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years, living together for 4 years. Our relationship is great, i love him so much but will we ever get married? 2 years ago we got engaged and that lasted for about a year untill we broke up, well things between us weren't so good back then so we decided to live apart for a while, but before he even move out he broke up with me. I was devastated; Anyway he moved out and on that same week he kept calling me, aked me to come over to his flat, and i did, he kept saying he broke up with me because he wasn't sure about hislove for me anymore but we still had a chance he just needed time, but i couldn't let him go and it seemed like he couldn't let me go either. On that same week he came over to my house and he slept over, we had sex, next morning i was so happy because i thought maybe we were back together, he was really loving untill he said he had to go home and he wouldn't be able to meet me later because "Bill" (his friend) was coming over. I said ok but i kept thinking something is wrong here, specially after we talked on the phone later and he seemed so cold, that night i couldn't sleep, i kept thinking he had another girl, i was sure of it some how. I decided to go to his house in the morning and surprise him, i was hoping i was going mad, that nothing i was thinking was true, but it was, i got there he let me in and i went straight to the bedroom, i saw her staff there, her watch and bag, i saw a condom on the bed, i think she was in the bathroom so i didn't see her. I left the house right away, just told him "have a nice life" and left. It was the worse day of my life. He kept calling me and when i finilly answered he said sorry that i'm the one and he knows it now, that he didn't cheat on me because he broke up with me first, and so on. I was so hurt and angry, but i forgave him and we go back together. I moved in last year and things are great between us but everytime we talk about marriage he gets upset, he doesn't want to talk about it, he says that marriage is just papers and he knows i'd love to marry him. I read an article that says that if he doesn't want to marry you is because he doen't love you that much doesn't matter what excuse he gives you, is that true? He says he loves me everyday and he makes plans such as buying a house with me, but i want to get married, i want 100% commitment, is that so wrong? What made me think of leaving him was our conversation last time, i'm waiting for a visa to stay in the country, but it might not work out and i told him about it, and he offered to marry me, i didn't say anything because i never wanted to marry him for a visa, so we talked again about it and i said ok are you sure and he said if you need a visa i will marry you and i was so upset i said you sound like you are doing me a favor not marring me because you want to, and he said he wouldn't do this favor for anyone else. So i said No, i need no favors, if you love me and i love you i don't see why we can't get married, after 6 years i think we are better than this, anyway since that conversation i'm thinking of leaving him. please tell me what you think, thank you.
TaraMaiden Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Leave Leave Leave Leave Leave. I hope that's clear, unambiguous and direct enough for you.
willowthewisp Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 There is nothing wrong with you knowing your own worth and wanting someone to affirm their commitment to you by marrying you, that is your right. I think you know the answer, his lack of commitment combined with his cheating (yes, it was cheating, what kind of man tries to get out of that with a technicality), he's not listening to you, he's not taking your needs on board and he is not giving you a good reason why he is not ready for marriage, after 6 years he should know what he wants, you deserve so much better...
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Lili, the problem is not so much that he doesn't want to marry you (though that in itself is a huge sign). To me, the biggest issue was that he slept with you, left and slept with someone else within 24 hours. Thats just gross. He has no respect towards you at all, no consideration to your feelings and needs. Girl, I am known for going with my heart in most things, but one thing i have very clear, no woman should EVER have to put up with disrespect at any one point in a relationship. Cheating, in my book, is the biggest sign of disrespect. You deserve better than this, you deserve someone who would give anything to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you, You shouldn't have to be begging anyone to make that commitment. They should be counting their lucky stars that you chose to be with them. in other words, as Tara put it LEAVE NOW
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