LostInTurn Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 So, one year ago I moved for a job. I lost my job and my relationship within a matter of days. I moved back home. I feel like a complete failure for all the loss. I have a new job I start in one month. I need to decide where I want to live. My family and friends are worried about me and think I should stay home for awhile and think about where I want to be. I don't know. I'm at a point where I don't feel like there is a place for me. I feel lost and distant. I have this life I used to think about. All these things I wanted and I don't feel like it will ever happen. I feel like the loss of the relationship was all my fault. I am starting to hate me.
flyguy23 Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I am sorry you feel this way. I feel the same way you do. Lost, lonely, etc. But I know it was not my fault and that I loved her more than anything. I am sure that you also did all you could do. Don't blame yourself and def. don't hate yourself. Focus on your new job, making money and being successful. Things will get better for both of us one day.
DustySaltus Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Lost, a little over a year ago I took a leave of absence from my job and moved halfway around the world to be with my ex fiance. What transpired afterwards was easily the hardest point in my life (read some of my earliest posts). I didn't hate myself as much as being disappointed in that I could never fulfill her bottomless pit of need and wants. It's easy to be angry at yourself, or disappointed in yourself but don't ever hate yourself. We all go through lulls in our life. We all go through periods where we question our very existence. But we find the strength to go on and continue to learn from our experiences and better ourselves. We can't let other people's actions define our happiness. There's a better woman out there for you. There's a better job out there for you. I'm not blowing smoke either, i'm living proof. Hang in there.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 I keep thinking about everything I did for him, day in and day out. I know he did a lot for me as well, I'm not trying to take away from that. He made life changes for me as I did him. It's just not ok. It's not ok that he expected me to just sit back and 'take a break' and have no idea what the h*ll was going on. And now it's 'my fault' because I didn't just shut up about the whole thing. Because I called and text him. Well, excuse me for being human. He can say he 'hates' me because I told him that he hurt me and that how he was treating me was not fair or right. Well, WTF. He hates me why? Because I was honest? Because he loved me and feels like I turned my back on him because I have feelings? Or does he hate me because he loved me that much and feels like I wasn't there for him or by his side? Or does he hate me because he actually had something fantastic and cannot deal with his feelings and process them like a normal human being?!?!?!?!?! NONE OF THOSE ARE GOOD ENOUGH REASONS! Maybe I hate him for what he did. Maybe HE should think about how I feel. Maybe HE should consider the impact this has had on me. Sh*t, I used to be fun. I'm boring as sh*t now. I don't even smile anymore. He has no idea how I felt. But if I had just 'waited' then things would be different right now. How is that fair to tell me? I'm sorry that I didn't just walk away and go about my life like nothing had happened. I'm sorry that I told him how I felt and how I was feeling. I'm sorry I picked up the damn phone and called him. Well, it's pretty freakin' difficult to not pick up the phone when you talk to someone all day everyday and see them almost everyday either! WTF! And here I am again, feeling guilty. What a surprise. I'm always the one who feels guilty. Not ok. I am not ok with how I feel right now. HE SAID MEAN THINGS TOO AND IS TAKING NO RESPONSIBILITY!!! I HATE HIM TOO!!!!!!!!! SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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