serenityinlove Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 (edited) I have known a guy online for about 2 years and have been in love with him almost as long, but he has never felt anything for me. And during that time, I've seen him go through several online relationships, feeling jealous every time. It's the first time I've ever loved anyone, which is odd considering my age. I'm 42 and he's 20. He says it's an age difference thing but recently he confessed that he isn't physically attracted to me either. He said it, even though he knew it would hurt me because he said it would "bring me closure", but all it's done is spiral me into depression and be even more self conscious about my looks. Later he said things like I'm "not a bad looker" and I'm "really not that bad looking" but I think he just said that to kind of soften the blow or something. In his past he has been in love with a girl who pretended to be someone really beautiful, using someone else's pictures and even after she revealed what she really looked like...not very attractive at all, he still said he loved her. So I thought this guy might be different than other guys I have met, maybe not so worried about looks, but obviously I was wrong. I said goodbye to him about a month ago to take time to get over all of this. (I spent about 3 months away in the past but it really did no good. I came back, thinking I was over him, but fell right back into it.). I still want to be his friend and get to some point where I can accept that we will only be that and be fine with it. But right now, it's hard to get over all the anger and disappointment I feel. I know most people will think it's obvious that I shouldn't have felt anything for someone so young anyway, but I guess it's since I never really had any relationship to emotionally mature me, I still sort of see myself in that younger age range, if that makes any sense. I don't exactly know what to do at all now. I would miss him so much if I couldn't go back to being his friend, because over the past 2 years, he's been the person I've talked to the most. But if I do, I'm afraid it would always remind me of how much I wasn't worth his love. Edited August 29, 2010 by serenityinlove
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