jennie-jennie Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 You'd be surprised how many "good decent MM/MW" fail to share key things about their past, particularly things that might raise red flags like "I've done this before". Usually you hear "I've never done this before", which is dismally typical. The only difference is your perception of them. It seems evident to me that these MM/MW's perception of themselves differs greatly from your perception of yourself. So to say it is only my perception that differs seems quite far fetched to me. If it would indeed be my perception of them that was different, then what you are saying is that there is only one kind of MM/MW: the dishonest one. I have been reading on LS for a year now, and from what I have seen, the majority of the MM/MW posting on LS differ from your stereotype. Is it so unreasonable to believe that at least some of the MM/MW actually fall in love and behave as everybody else who falls in love, ie honestly share their past and present? What proof to you have that that is not the case? We can't build our perception only on your sample of one.
In_Repair Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 (edited) LucreziaBorgia I appreciate your posts, it's an unique insight that you share with us. Thanks! Me too. I wouldn't describe her posts here as unique(maybe for LS), but rather realistic, logical, and truthful. Edited August 31, 2010 by In_Repair ...
torranceshipman Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 BS's have no more permission to speak on behalf of their H than you do of your/a MM. Everyone does it, rightly or wrongly, because it is their opinion, and there is nothing wrong with that. The only problem, of course, is seeing really bad actions on the part of a MM, and the OW seeming to believe something completely different - almost as if the guy can do anything, and just say I love you, and it will be believed. Of course this is something that a BS might do too....MM aren't the most honest creatures lets face it!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 It seems evident to me that these MM/MW's perception of themselves differs greatly from your perception of yourself. Of course they do. Most are posting from within the context of the affair, or fresh out of it. Once the dust settles, the coals settle into ash and eventually blow away over the years and the affair is nothing more than a memory you'll hear something different than the sentimental stuff that most like to hear, particularly if they are done with that type of life. I don't know of very many other 'cheaters' who post from such a distance from their affairs. I guess you could say I'm the ghost of ended affairs in the future. what you are saying is that there is only one kind of MM/MW: the dishonest one No amount of perception in any direction can change the fact that a person who cheats IS dishonest to someone, often themselves included. You only get a clear idea of exactly who they were dishonest to and to what extent long after the affair ends. It is easy to explain away or make excuses for people when you are in love with them - but make no mistake about it: people who cheat are not honest minded people. Period. Simply being on the benefitting end of it doesn't make the MM/MW any less of a dishonest cheat. Perceptions allow for certain 'ranks' of married cheaters, but underneath it all there are no ranks. Cheaters are cheaters. Can they change? Certainly - but can they change while they are married to someone and cheating? That would be like a crackhead who smokes crack in rehab. I don't speak from the POV of a married person who is in love with someone else. I suspect if I did, it would sound much like what others here want to hear. I can only speak from years later, when passion dies and logic is all that is left. Things look remarkably different in that light. Is it so unreasonable to believe that at least some of the MM/MW actually fall in love and behave as everybody else who falls in love, ie honestly share their past and present? What proof to you have that that is not the case? I never said they don't fall in love or behave like someone in love. That is evident. As for honestly sharing, well - I've seen enough 'endings' stories over the years that are pretty consistent: the MM/MW rarely turns out to be nearly as honest as they were leading their OW/OM to believe.
In_Repair Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Of course they do. Most are posting from within the context of the affair, or fresh out of it. Once the dust settles, the coals settle into ash and eventually blow away over the years and the affair is nothing more than a memory you'll hear something different than the sentimental stuff that most like to hear, particularly if they are done with that type of life. I don't know of very many other 'cheaters' who post from such a distance from their affairs. I guess you could say I'm the ghost of ended affairs in the future. No amount of perception in any direction can change the fact that a person who cheats IS dishonest to someone, often themselves included. You only get a clear idea of exactly who they were dishonest to and to what extent long after the affair ends. It is easy to explain away or make excuses for people when you are in love with them - but make no mistake about it: people who cheat are not honest minded people. Period. Simply being on the benefitting end of it doesn't make the MM/MW any less of a dishonest cheat. Perceptions allow for certain 'ranks' of married cheaters, but underneath it all there are no ranks. Cheaters are cheaters. Can they change? Certainly - but can they change while they are married to someone and cheating? That would be like a crackhead who smokes crack in rehab. I don't speak from the POV of a married person who is in love with someone else. I suspect if I did, it would sound much like what others here want to hear. I can only speak from years later, when passion dies and logic is all that is left. Things look remarkably different in that light. I never said they don't fall in love or behave like someone in love. That is evident. As for honestly sharing, well - I've seen enough 'endings' stories over the years that are pretty consistent: the MM/MW rarely turns out to be nearly as honest as they were leading their OW/OM to believe. That was great. Everyone here should read this over and over a few times.
jennie-jennie Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I don't speak from the POV of a married person who is in love with someone else. I suspect if I did, it would sound much like what others here want to hear. I can only speak from years later, when passion dies and logic is all that is left. Things look remarkably different in that light. I understand this is how it is for some people. For me - when the passion died and logic was all that was left, my relationships still looked the same to me.
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