Silvaria Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 In a nutshell...I was in a LD relationship for a year and a half. We met in a MMO RPG, and it was "love at first chat". We were instantly attracted....I've never felt that kind of attraction and rapport with another person in my entire life. We met in person, and the connection was incredible. He asked me to marry him, and of course, I said yes. We had a rather rocky relationship, but through it all, he promised that we were soul mates and that we had an unbreakable bond. Fast forward 17 months to about a month ago...I could feel him starting to grow distant. Not quite as loving as he used to be, fewer and fewer sexy texts, no more emails, getting angry easily...and being the normal human being that I am, as I felt him slipping away, I tried to cling harder. He resisted, and finally, he broke up with me on August 7. His reason? He simply wants to be single, and free to flirt. I know he's not with anyone else, because he would throw it in my face, LOL...he's quite sadistic during our breakups, though he always apologizes for it when we get back together. He's contacted me a few times, but has made it clear our relationship is in the past. This is very difficult for me to digest, as this was the 5th time he's broken up with me, and has said the same things each time: "You're part of my past, we'll never get back together, etc.". Naturally, I don't even know what to think. In any case, assuming for the moment that he doesn't come back this time, I truly don't know how in the world I am ever going to trust a man again. Some of the many, many things he said to me over the last year and a half in emails include: "Know one thing to be true, and, always true.. I LOVE YOU!!! Ya, I'll have days when you feel that I no longer love you.. But, you need to learn somehow.. To keep a cage open and ready to shove those words deeply inside.. Cling to them, and understand them to be true, no matter what happens.." "I love you.. With all that makes me who I am.. I am yours.. Forever" "I'm not an easy man to be around, let alone be at your side every moment of every day.. So, if you want out.. Tell me.. But, I don't want out.. I would never want out.." The sad part is, I believed his words with all my heart and soul. When we met in person, our first hug was amazing...he often called it the greatest moment of his life. We both cried when we had to part...we swore we'd be together again as soon as possible. And for many months after we met, we talked about our meeting a lot, how wonderful it was, how we'd be together again as soon as we could afford it. I guess the question I ask myself now is, how in the WORLD am I ever supposed to believe someone who says these things to me ever again?!? I am not a trusting person by nature, as it is...I have abandonment issues, like so many of us...but I gave myself to him. I trusted him with everything that I am. I told him things I've never told anyone. And to reiterate the most important part: I -believed- him when he said he would never leave. I know that no one really has any answers...I guess the question is mostly rhetorical. I'm intelligent enough to know that I'll get over him eventually, though I honestly fear it's going to be an extremely long time. I'm just very, very afraid that I'll never be able to believe anyone who promises their love to me ever again. I'll always remember him, and how he betrayed the promise that he made to never leave me. Anyhow, thank you for reading my story. I'm glad to have a place to post my thoughts.
skydiveaddict Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 All I can tell you is I'll never trust anyone again, but I can only speak for myself
boltsfan17 Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Unfortunately that's the heartache of love. When you are together, both of you share feelings of the want to spend the rest of your lives together, but sometimes that all comes crashing down. LD relationships are tough. The best thing for you is take time to yourself and I'm sure one day you will be ready to open up your heart again to someone else. I would recommend finding someone locally instead of another LD relationship.
Author Silvaria Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Heh...I'm such a goof, I only just found these replies. Bi, I hear what you're saying, but I play MMO RPGs, and I actually consider myself quite a catch, so...I can't quite agree with you. bolts, I totally agree about trying to find someone local...unfortunately my circle of friends is quite limited, but I'm certainly open to meeting someone new, if it happens. That being said...my ex- has been texting me, every single day, more and more and more...it's obvious that the pattern is happening all over again: He breaks up with me, blocks me, then unblocks me, then starts writing me a little, then starts writing me a lot...I respond to every text and IM because I have that stupid "h" word..."hope" that he'll want me back. Why? I don't know. It's not like I'd ever be able to trust him again...but for some dumb reason, I keep hoping that -this- time, things will work out...that -this- time, he'll stick to his original promise to never leave me. I read about you guys doing the NC thing...I don't even know how to stick to that, LOL...if I ignore his texts and IMs, there would be no chance of getting him back. And I can tell he still has feelings for me, because if he didn't, he would cut me out of his life entirely. If I ignore him, there is no hope at all...
Sambo Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 When you never trust anyone again, your ex keeps on winning and she has power over you. Do you want that ? F that action !!!
missner Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 He seems rather insane, to be honest. 5 times he broke up with you? I have a story of my own regarding an MMO relationship and long distance, you can find it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t243933/ (beware, it's long!) While you may still love him, he doesn't appear to be even remotely emotionally ready for something truly serious. That probably hurts to realize, but you have to look at the long...long pattern of experiences
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