How am I supposed to deal with breaking up with him when I love him so much?

[MissVegas]

I need help please...I am devastated, my heart is in my stomach. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. There have been good and amazing times where he shows me he loves me *takes me on a romantic weekend, spends time with my family* and respects me but also bad times. We go on vacation together, i spend time with his family he spends time with mine, we are best friends. My boyfriend is like Jekyll and Hyde though and it's killing me. One minute he's sweet but the minute i want to discuss something or become upset or emotional or we have a slight disagreement he's swearing at me, disrespecting me, calling me names and disregarding my feelings completely.

 

I have done nothing but love this guy and do everything I could possibly do to show him how much i cared for him. I love him dearly, i do loving things for his family, i am so loyal to him, would never be unfaithful, would NEVER turn my back on him in a time of need, and would do anything to work things out and make him happy. That is why I've been in this for four years, I keep trying and justifying. He's broken trust by admittedly flirting with girls on facebook and also sending scandalous pictures via text which he never really worked this out with me just kinda left me to deal with on my own, he goes out drinking often with his friends in the club and leaves me behind which also hurts. But thats not the issue it's the name calling and disrespect and the total disregard for my feelings.

 

He was leaving for Vegas Thursday and I came over wednesday in lingerie and he hadn't packed yet and basically treated me like a nuisance so I started to cry because I was already anxious about trust with Vegas. He said I was being a bitch and psycho and slams the door/kicks me out of his condo when I cried, like shut the door on my sobbing face and said i was embarassing him infront of his neighbours, phoned me after and told me to "stop effing crying". When I phoned him the next day before he left to tell him how hurt he made me feel he said "are you seriously calling me to bitch right before I leave for Vegas?"

 

I know I cannot stay with this man. But what do I do? I love him so much but he will not change I've asked him to not swear at me and to work things out but I'm always the one making the effort and somewhere he decided I was beneath him and worthless. How do I deal with this? How do I heal when I love him and don't want to break up but have no other option?? I feel completely devastated and depressed..

[Iconoclast]

How do you deal with it, very slowly, very painfully, just like everyone else. Sorry.

Now imagine that instead of being a vicious a**hole, imagine he held you and gave you a kiss on the head and said "you're adorable". Well, that guy is out there waiting for you to find him, he keeps wondering why all the nice girls are dating a**sholes.... funny ain't it?

[9Lives]

my heart is bleeding for you. but the truth is its gonna be okay. I dated a man like this and my heart was ripped out my chest too so I know what u are going thru.

its a form of betrayal. its like evrything is wonderful theñ he becomes a ******* and u are confused like why. so u try to fix what u didn't break and it gets worst and now your vrying cause u been treated like ****!

 

when your this deeply inlove with someone and they handle u like this..it is best to stop talking to him and go get help. this board has a lot of truly wonderful people on here who really care. I'm serious. they have pulled me thru some very dark times in my life with this man.

 

the sad part is I'm afraid he is not going to change. I don't want to tell u to walk away but this is not a good relationship. his up ans down ways is going to tear u apart and u not going too be your lovable self anyway. I would go see a therapist if u could. if you are strong enough, end the relationship. he is a jackass

[TaraMaiden]

MissVegas, stop - posting - multiple - threads.

 

For your on good!!

This is the 2nd one today....

 

You're in pain, we get it, honest we do, but really you can't keep doing this.....

You simply have to bump your thread, but you have to quit flooding the forum with virtually the same post every time. This doesn't help you!

 

Stop this.

 

you just dig the knife in deeper, and keep twisting it this way.

 

Stop ripping yourself apart, please!

[Sambo]

I need help please...I feel completely devastated and depressed..

 

 

 

 

First off you need to STOP crying and breathe.

 

Long slow breathes .... just focus your mind on your breathing for 1 min. at a time and then slowly build up to 20 mins at a time where you just release all of your tensions.

 

You are not thinking clearly right now and your mind is scattered.

 

So first priority is all about YOU thinking clearly again ok?

 

I'm going to tell you what I see from a man's perspective, you may not like it but it will help you if you listen with an open mind.

 

First off,

 

You are way to over sensitive to be with this man. He simply isn't the right guy for you. We can discuss the WHY's of this forever but the bottom line is he's not the right man for you.

 

He's obviously got issues but so do you.

 

So let's deal with yours right now because we can't control him right.

 

Your in a relationship that's border line psychotic why ?

 

 

Why are you attracted to a man that behaves like this?

 

Why haven't you left his ass the first day he pulled a stunt like this?

 

Jerks always get the amazing women why ?

 

I don't know the answer but my guess is it has something to do with you and your past or your personality.

 

This is not a disaster at all ... It's an incredible opportunity !

 

It's an opportunity for you to fix yourself so that an amazing woman like you (and trust me you are amazing) can grow and learn how to find an amazing man.

 

There are men out there that would kill for a woman to treat them the way you treat him but your not attracting that kind of man into your life because your not ready yet.

 

There is a big life lesson in this for you and if you take the time to work through it and fix yourself you will eventually find the happiness you want and deserve.

 

 

 

You have a lot of things to learn and figure out about yourself right now and that's your number one priority.

 

The man of your dreams, the man that deserves you is right around the corner and you will find him when your ready and healthy enough to appreciate that kind of man.

 

I really hope you seize this opportunity the real tragedy would be for a good woman like you to let a jerk ruin your future.

Edited August 29, 2010 by Sambo