terrific Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Why is it that I am carrying on fine...thinking that I am moving on, trying to not worry about him or what he is doing...not looking online, not picking up the phone, not doing anything to break contact....then boom, one song and all I can think of is that I hope he is missing me too and that he will eventually be the one to break NC...please tell me this is normal.
Author terrific Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 This is a bowl not a cup of ice cream moment....what the heck, I will just eat it right out of the container.
September Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Songs.. He said to me a while ago, he can't listen to a song on the radio that didn't remind him of us. I was watching something last night that I thought he would love and the old "itchy fingers" were wanting to send him something. I held off... It passes in time. Just breathe and remember it doesn't get you anywhere; except more heartache. Try and be strong...
Hazyhead Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Hope you're feeling a bit better Terrific. Blips happen... that's what I tell myself anyway. Feel it for a moment, then pick yourself back up. It'll be nice for you soon to get to the point at which you do not want him to break NC, although I understand how you feel. Think of how much it'd wreck your head if he got back in touch and you were plunged right back into the trauma. Hugs to you.
jennie-jennie Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 So the OM is single and you are married. What is it that keeps you in the marriage?
Author terrific Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 Thanks for the support ladies....What keeps me in the marriage...well, my husband was my first love and we have been together for 26 years total. Honestly, we don't have a bad relationship, we have just grown apart. He travels extensively for his job and we have 4 kids, 1 in college, and 3 in HS. I am home and the stable keep things running smooth and on schedule parent. No one knows about the other man and I and truthfully, I am ashamed to say, it had become very easy to live a single life when you see your H for about a total of 8 days a month. It is very easy to be "normal" in your home with that type of schedule and it has been this way for so many years that our kids, family, and friends don't know any different. So why do I stay, well, I don't want my kid's life to change, and truthfully I know my leaving would crush our families. I do not know what will happen when the kids are out of the house. For now, I wear a mask, and no one but me, him, and now you, know that there is even an issue. This morning I looked at my husband and realized that the man I fell in love with is still in there, but time, and obligations, and a million other things have pulled us apart. I think and hope that once the other is behind me, that I will be able to reconnect with him. I will say, that it is not just me. He knows that being apart is a huge strain on the marriage, and his days and time are filled with a million obligations. The other man did not ruin or even really change the dynamics of where we are. The H and I did it to ourselves. We created a life around or kids and somewhere we lost each other. There is a quote from the "Bridges of Madison County" about building a life of details and forgetting about who you are....that is about what happened. So back to why I stay, I stay for 9 million reasons, and my happiness at the moment is not one of them, but I am good at hiding that.....if I weren't I would not be in this mess to begin with. The sane part of me wants the other to get married and move on with someone and just be happy, because in my head he just be a memory that I can smile about. It is my heart that needs to catch up to my head. So last night I had an ice cream moment and felt sorry for myself for a bit...then told myself to pull it together. Hopefully today will be a better day.....I think I will bake and that just makes everyone here feel a whole lot better!
jennie-jennie Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 The sane part of me wants the other to get married and move on with someone and just be happy, because in my head he just be a memory that I can smile about. It is my heart that needs to catch up to my head. Be careful of what you wish for, terrific. I have seen several MM and MW posting here on LS, who months and even years after the OW/OM found another partner are hurting extensively. Many MM/MW in this situation seem to not be able to get over their love for their OW/OM. And once the other person has moved on, it is too late to do anything about it.
cavedweller Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Thanks for the support ladies....What keeps me in the marriage...well, my husband was my first love and we have been together for 26 years total. Honestly, we don't have a bad relationship, we have just grown apart. He travels extensively for his job and we have 4 kids, 1 in college, and 3 in HS. I am home and the stable keep things running smooth and on schedule parent. No one knows about the other man and I and truthfully, I am ashamed to say, it had become very easy to live a single life when you see your H for about a total of 8 days a month. It is very easy to be "normal" in your home with that type of schedule and it has been this way for so many years that our kids, family, and friends don't know any different. So why do I stay, well, I don't want my kid's life to change, and truthfully I know my leaving would crush our families. I do not know what will happen when the kids are out of the house. For now, I wear a mask, and no one but me, him, and now you, know that there is even an issue. This morning I looked at my husband and realized that the man I fell in love with is still in there, but time, and obligations, and a million other things have pulled us apart. I think and hope that once the other is behind me, that I will be able to reconnect with him. I will say, that it is not just me. He knows that being apart is a huge strain on the marriage, and his days and time are filled with a million obligations. The other man did not ruin or even really change the dynamics of where we are. The H and I did it to ourselves. We created a life around or kids and somewhere we lost each other. There is a quote from the "Bridges of Madison County" about building a life of details and forgetting about who you are....that is about what happened. So back to why I stay, I stay for 9 million reasons, and my happiness at the moment is not one of them, but I am good at hiding that.....if I weren't I would not be in this mess to begin with. The sane part of me wants the other to get married and move on with someone and just be happy, because in my head he just be a memory that I can smile about. It is my heart that needs to catch up to my head. So last night I had an ice cream moment and felt sorry for myself for a bit...then told myself to pull it together. Hopefully today will be a better day.....I think I will bake and that just makes everyone here feel a whole lot better!Good Lord..Life is too short..Don't worry about your kids..Divorce your husband and spend the rest of your life with the man you love...
chalkfarm Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Be careful of what you wish for, terrific. I have seen several MM and MW posting here on LS, who months and even years after the OW/OM found another partner are hurting extensively. Many MM/MW in this situation seem to not be able to get over their love for their OW/OM. And once the other person has moved on, it is too late to do anything about it. I agree. Often, we wish for what we believe will make for a quick fix. It's not until we are in that "fix" that we know how we are affected. I know a woman going through a startling divorce who just wishes her STBXH would simply die because she believes it would be so much easier. In truth, we all know it wouldn't erase the past, it wouldn't erase the pain, and wouldn't answer any questions.
Author terrific Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 Well, it is an exercise in self-discipline to cut the cord right? I told him I would not contact him, and I won't. I believe he is trying to see someone and I want him to be happy, and he had said that he felt my kids would not accept him and that "us" would be like a nuclear bomb going off in my family. The bomb part is true. I know he loves or loved me (who knows now, I have not spoken to him) and because of that, I doubt he will try to contact me. So, it is letting him go, fixing my head, and re-connecting with my husband. One baby step at a time...
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