Parents think that we are having sex, when not??

[kayebug]

My mom said that I could bring my boyfriend home to my house alone. So I did. We were kissing and stuff, normal stuff I thought and laying down on my bed. I thought we were home alone and my dad got out of work early and knocked on my door. We had been hearing knocking all night which freaked us out and It took me awhile to open my door and go see what it was. It was dad and he was so mad with me, because he thought we were having sex, and he told my mom and now both parents just want me dead. They both told me months ago that they would never be mad if I had sex. So, Now i don't know what to do. Helppp???

(BTW I am 17)

[Tayla]

Welcome to LS new poster!

 

Unable to help at this time, perhaps after a few posts from you then it will be clear what advice to give.

 

Look forward to reading !

[tantus]

Its one thing for parents to give permission to have sex and another for them to actually let you. They probably were hoping when u choose to have sex you would come to them first so they can explain the sex talk. Using a condom, being on birth control incase condom breaks. Even using condom and birth control theres still a chance that you could have a baby. Having a baby at 17 how will that effect ur future? A baby comes first before yourself, and what about college?

So, what Im trying to say is your parents dont want you to have a baby this young and they dont want you to catch an std. they want you to be honest and always come to them with ?'s or mistakes or problems. Maybe you feel you cant go to your parents for that and they feel your growing up to fast and they are loosing you as a child b/c they r trying to let u grow up but they arent ready.

I beileve your not having sex yet but it could lead up to it. Think about the conceques of sex before choosing to have it. If you want your parents to believe your not having sex keep talking to them and be open to anything they ask. Maybe explain that you dont want to have sex at this time b/c you want to wait til later in the future when are in your career and have went thru college. Explain why you dont want to have sex yet and make an agreement that the door stays open while your alone with your boyfriend.

Hope i helped! sex is very complicated and your parents know that.

[turnera]

It's a parent's job to keep their daughter from getting pregnant before she becomes a self-sufficient adult. In other words, if you get pregnant while still living at home, in school, without a full-time job, guess who gets to support you AND the baby? Not only that, your parents likely have BIG plans for you. High hopes. And my 50 years of experience is here to tell you that having sex as a teenager and getting pregnant is the absolute biggest roadblock you could possibly put in your own path. Your parents are trying to protect you from that. Not only that, a teenager's brain isn't done developing, forming its neural pathways, until you are at least 20 - until then, you simply don't have the mental capacity to look at all aspects of a situation and make wise choices. You may THINK you do, but research shows otherwise.

 

There is honestly no reason for you and your boyfriend to be lying down on your bed, with the door closed. There isn't. If you want to make out, do it on the couch, or on the patio, or at a park. Not on a bed, where things happen faster than you expect, and a boy's 'destiny' to see how much sex he can get will overpower his own logic and feelings for you.

 

If you want your parents to trust you, act in a trustworthy way.

[kayebug]

The thing is, I wasn't doing anything bad but laying in bed watching tv. I've thought this stuff through, I want kids just not now. Maybe in like 5 years.

[turnera]

Here's what I taught my daughter about that: As a teenager, it is a boy's job to see how much sex he can get from girls. As a teenager, it is a girl's job to say NO.

 

Just because YOU think you were just lying on your bed watching TV, that in no way means that your bf was 'just watching TV.' I guarantee he had sex on his mind at least 85% of the time. Wondering if he was going to get it, wondering if he'd have to wait til next time, wondering if he'd have a chance to make a move...it is what they do. Even adults do this - if a woman tells a guy he can come into her apartment, he automatically thinks he's going to get some.

 

Girls have this glorified image of what romance is. They usually have NO IDEA that the boys have a completely different idea of romance. A boy's idea is that if he does the right things, makes the right moves, he will GET SOME.

 

NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS TO YOU. His hormones are raging. It is literally all he thinks about. Ok, maybe 80% of all he thinks about. That's not a dis on him; it's biology. Remember, it's his 'job' to figure out how to get you to 'want' sex. If he has to be romantic, he will. If he has to be forceful, he will. Mysterious. Loving. Sensitive. Trust me. Teenage boys spend HOURS discussing this with each other, figuring out what works best.

 

Your parents know this. Remember, we used to be humans once, too!

 

All they are doing is protecting you from yourself and your lack of knowledge and experience.

[Lucky_One]

Go to your parents (either the one that you can be most frank with, or both of them, if you have that sort of relationship), and say "I am upset that you both seem to think that BF and I were having sex. We were not, and I don't like feeling that you don't believe me or trust me. I am going to make an effort to regain your trust, and in return, I would appreciate a bit of trust in me to make the right decisions."

 

But - if you do that - you need to know in your heard that you are being absolutely honest. If you weren't having sex right at that minute (but had earlier, or were just getting ready to and your pants were off and that is why you couldn't answer the door) - then you are lying to yourself and trying to be disingenuous with your parents. Your dad knows what sex smells like, the aftermath of sex, and he knows how long it takes to put yourself back together from foreplay, and he knows what boys are like and what kissing teenagers are like. If you can't be 1000% honest with them about the lack of sexual activity in your bedroom, then just hush about the incident and try to regain their trust.

 

Two pieces of advice:

 

1. There is no reason to have your bedroom door shut unless you are doing something you don't want someone else to see. If you want your parents to trust you from now on, stay out of your bedroom (duh, there is a bed in there) and hang out in the family room with them.

 

2. If I were your parent, I wouldn't believe you either when you said you had heard knocking all night directly on your door. If you had heard unexplained knocking on your bedroom door, then you should simply have had your door open anyway, so that the knocking would stop. Also as a parent, I would expect that the INSTANT your BF heard knocking, that his butt would be up to investigate and protect you from whatever was trying to enter your room. so, your story doesn't fly from the get-go.

[turnera]

For the longest time, my daughter wasn't allowed to have boys in her room, period. She understood why. In 11th and 12th grade, they were allowed in with the one rule that the door was never EVER to be shut. Again, she understood why. It wasn't until 12th grade that she was allowed to have boys over when we weren't home. That was to protect her from the subtle ways boys have of getting you to 'do it' when you never intended to in the first place. Removing the opportunity is the biggest thing.

 

Anyway, because she respected the rules, I respected her privacy and did not come snooping around, so that she was free to speak her mind in her room and be herself, without me around. It worked for everyone.

 

Go to your parents and tell them you can understand how they were concerned, and to prove you can be trusted, you're going to keep the door open.