dlr1010 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I was dating this person from the time I was 25 to 27. At the time, I was working two jobs six days a week and she was working middle shift, so quality time was hard to come by at times. Long story short, she felt that she wanted more from someone, moved on, and got married eventually. I was devastated by this and it took me a long time to get over. I really felt this was the person for me and was hoping to marry her. I didn't see it coming when she decided to part ways. Fast forward 11 years later, she contacted me on facebook. We had some great conversations and we both were able to answer the questions that we never got answered back then. It was a great feeling to be in contact with her again because I always wondered how she was doing all these years. It turns out she was now separated pending divorce and had two boys ages 4 and 6. For me on the the other hand, I never married or had children. I dated here and there throughout the years, but never felt the connection I had with her. I actually got to the point where I haven't been dating at all and was just fine with that. Within a few weeks of talking on the phone, we decided to meet. We started seeing each other regularly for about 4 months. However, I didn't feel like I could give her 100% with a long term relationship because I didn't feel I could eventually live with her children. I wanted to be upfront with that and I told her. She was initially upset about it, but agreed that we could be friends. She did mention that she was going to date other people and if I had a problem with that, that I would have to deal with it. I had no problem with this. For the last 4 months or so, we have been just friends, talking everyday on the phone and going out to lunch or dinner weekly, she was even telling me about her dates. Once again, I had no problem with this and continued to have fun just being a good friend. I haven't been dating and just don't have the urge to at the moment, so just seeing her and doing various activities with her and her children was a nice chance to go out and do things on occasion. However, the last two weeks I started noticing that she wasn't returning my calls/texts until a few days later and then stood me up for a dinner that we had planned. When I asked her what was going on, she said that she resented that I could not accept her children. I love her children and her as one now, but I don't feel that I would want to have that scenario in my household down the line. I've never been married, never had children, I haven't even lived with someone. I'm an only child, so I've been living by myself for a long time and I guess I got set in my ways along the way. Currently, she is not talking to me. She texted me yesterday saying that she needs time alone and she will call me when she is ready. She also deleted me off of facebook, which at almost 40 years old, I find a little immature. My question is, will we ever be able to be friends? She definitely has a special place in my heart and always will, but I don't feel I can't commit to someone that has children and an ex-husband that can be threatening at times. I feel like we have taken different paths with our lives and it's just not a good match at this point. That being said, I would do anything for her and her children, I love and care for them very much. I'm kinda confused with myself as well because here was my "second chance" after all this time and after giving it a go for a few months, it turned out to be more than I can handle. Any help would be appreciated, thank you.
K'aycie Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Well ultimately, she has children, and that is something that can't be changed. You have decided that you can't and do not want a committed relationship, with someone who has children from a former marriage. Everyone has their limitations. Given she has children, and given your feelings on the matter, I don't see where a "second chance", would really apply to your situation. So, the best outcome you could hope for, is friendship. If you're okay with that, then you also have to be okay with her dating other people, her not including you in other aspects of her personal life, her living her own life separate from you.
WhatsThisNow Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 DLR1010, are your initials EBT from Allentown PA ?
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