The proper etiquette of saying 'no second date for you'

[The Collector]

Hello everyone, just curious what you all think about this. A few months ago I had a date with a girl who I'd been flirting with on Facebook. I asked her out for a drink, and the date went ok... not amazing though, the spark was missing and nothing happened.

 

Anyway a few days later I text to say 'thanks for the nice evening, not sure how it went, maybe 7/10? Anyway, let me know if you want to try again.' Something like that anyway. And days went by with no response. Eventually I caught her on FB and said it was rude not to respond, even if she wasn't interested. She said something about how it was 'weird' to have rated the date - I said I was just joking - so decided not to reply. Hmmn. Bear in mind this isn't some stranger, she's friends with lots of my friends and I'll doubtless see her around again, so I wanted to make sure things were friendly when that happened.

 

Anyway, in her situation, do you girls (or guys) think it's ok to send the message you are not interested by not replying to a text- or do you think the polite thing to do is reply, even though it might be difficult to say you are not interested in taking things further? I know when I was younger I'd not return phone calls from girls I had no further interest in... but is it the right thing to do? Thoughts please!

[denise_xo]

Yes, I think the 'right thing' to do is reply - basic respect IMO.

[carhill]

Well, I don't respond to date requests via text, so that answer is a foregone conclusion. The interesting part is you could have avoided the whole dynamic by not asking her out again, via text or any other means. Since you evidently felt no mutual interest or 'spark', there really was no reason for a second date.

 

However, if, at the end of your first date, you ask her out on a second date and she says 'let me check my schedule and get back to you' or something like that, then, yes, she should give you a firm answer one way or another. Try that the next time and see what happens.

[Billzebub]

I have to say, I've been guilty of going the route of just not contacting someone if there was no need. I don't feel I owe anyone a review of how date one went and they can assume by my lack of contact that I'm not interested. It avoids me making up some lame ass excuse or being uselessly cruel by being blunt.