An important question...

[awful]

Two months ago, I asked a stranger on an internet forum for revealing pictures. More specifically, 'body pictures.' I had spoken to them before, but didn't know them really and certainly didn't have feelings, they had pictures up and I got carried away and asked for this.

 

But I've had a girlfriend I truly love for 2 years, and I would never cheat on her.

 

Why did I do this then? I know this is going to sound crazy and that I am lying but I truly, truly didn't see this forum as part of the real world and I honestly didn't see it as cheating until now, 2 months later.

 

I know I didn't think of it as cheating because it took me 2 whole months to get the realisation and begin to feel bad - I know that if I ever willfully betrayed the girl I loved that I would instantly feel awful.

 

 

 

But now I do feel awful. I really really love her, she is the best thing in my life by miles, we're both 18 and have been going out 2 years.

 

I know I'm never going to do this again, I know the only reason I did anything like this in the first place was because of an accidental lack of judgement - which I know sounds absolutely stupid, but it is the truth. I know I can be a better boyfriend from this experience, surely this is a good thing.

 

However.

 

I know that if I ever told my girlfriend (she can't technically find out another way, because it occurred on the internet with a stranger.) That she would feel very hurt and have a lot of questions, she might even leave me straight away. I know she'll always want to know why someone she loved did this to her - And I honestly don't know why I did!! The only way I can rationalise it, is because I must not have seen it as a betrayal of trust at the time.

 

This was an absolute one-off thing, I am wondering if I should tell her in the interest of honesty - but maybe all I'm doing is getting rid of my guilt. But I feel like I'm living a lie if I don't tell. She deserves to have an fully informed choice over who she spends her future with - however - I know I would never willingly forsake her, i have resisted temptation in real life, and even told other women who have come to me to go away. And I know I will never do anything even remotely like this again.

 

Should I try and forgive myself or should I tell her so she can make an informed decision? I'm worried if I tell her she will never understand the nature of my betrayal - that I would never willingly set out to hurt her like she might think!

 

Sometimes I think forgiving myself and moving on is the best choice - especially since I know I am a better person now, who has learnt his lesson and this all occurred through a fundamental mishap in thinking to begin with.

[awful]

Please someone i need advice.

 

I know what I did was awful.

[TaraMaiden]

Delete. Forget. Move on.

[awful]

Yes I did delete what i did after looking back on it two months later, i felt bad looking at it and wanted to get rid of it.

 

But I'm not sure if moving on is the right thing to do. If I can tell me conscience that it is then I think the guilt will go but I am torn.

 

If I move on there are benefits: suffering in general is decreased and our lovely relationship is continued. Not to mention I have come out of this much wiser, and it has given me a greater understanding of how much I love this girl.

 

But like I said I'm torn because I wonder whether she would ever forgive this if she did know, and thus, if she had a total picture of me she wouldn't love me.

[awful]

Really you know hon, the only person beating themselves up with all this guilt crap is you. Why, does it make you feel better? Are you beating on yourself to stop her doing it?

What purpose does it actually serve, I ask myself.

The answer is - it doesn't serve any purpose. You're beating yourself up with no good reason, because you already know you're never going to do this again, so really all this angst and chest-beating is completely pointless. don't be such a drama queen. if you're showering this girl with affection, and all evidence is wiped, then really that's all you need to do.

 

I definitely wont do it again. But I did do it, I think that's where the guilt is coming from. I did something that could have really hurt the most important person in my life.

 

The more you focus on your mess-up, the more you deprive your girl of all the attention she deserves, all of the time. Your guilt is holding you back. jeezus, just let it go, will ya?

 

She's on holiday right now. :/

[Cee]

I call shenanigans on all this guilt stuff. Your girlfriend is away and you are feeling lonely and you want attention from her. You want to confess your sin, create a huge fight, and then test her love.

 

Seriously, this drama you are creating is stupid.

 

You want to test her and I think that sucks. Does she really need an image of you getting off on a naked picture of a stranger?

 

Instead of finding ways to hurt your girlfriend to assuage your "guilt," why don't you do something nice for her? Like write her a poem or a song. Or plan a surprise trip. Or buy a nice gift to give her when she comes back.

[TaraMaiden]

I definitely wont do it again. But I did do it, I think that's where the guilt is coming from. I did something that could have really hurt the most important person in my life.

You could have.

But you didn't.

You had no intention of hurting her then.

You have no intention of hurting her now.

Tell me frankly, what is the POINT of all this guilt, exactly?

do you want to confess to your GF to add a bit of drama, show her how wonderful you are, come clean and assuage your own guilt just to show her what a catch you are?

 

Or is there some other reason for continuing with it?

Because it is frankly utterly POINTLESS.

 

 

 

She's on holiday right now. :/

 

yeah..... and?

[awful]

I do admit that it is tempting to confess and see if she loves me enough to stay, if she could still trust me I know it must be true love.

 

By the way, i never actually got naked pictures so that didn't happen. The conversation i had with the person on this forum was actually quite a jokey tone and it was shrugged off lightly.

However I do know that if I did receive them, I would have looked. I did want them.

[TaraMaiden]

I do admit that it is tempting to confess and see if she loves me enough to stay, if she could still trust me I know it must be true love.

This is a huge red flag and extraordinarily immature.

 

Ok, let's get this straight:

You dabbled with a form of cheating.

You were in the wrong.

You admitted you were in the wrong.

You back-pedalled like mad, knowing you were wrong, and feel guilty about the whole thing.

Yet - you feel like confessing to her TO TEST HER FEELINGS OF TRUST AND LOVE FOR YOU??

 

What kind of twisted warped egotistical logic is that??

 

 

By the way, i never actually got naked pictures so that didn't happen. The conversation i had with the person on this forum was actually quite a jokey tone and it was shrugged off lightly.

However I do know that if I did receive them, I would have looked. I did want them.

 

so what's this all about then?

Yes I did delete what i did after looking back on it two months later, i felt bad looking at it and wanted to get rid of it.

 

I actually don't think you're mature enough to be in a relationship, when you're thinking of playing manipulative little mind games like this.

if I was your GF and you pulled a stunt like this with me, I'd slap you so hard your wisdom teeth wouldn't even bother showing up.

[2sunny]

why is this in the marriage forum?

 

IF you never intend to do this again, then NEVER do it again! if you even THINK for a moment you MIGHT do it again - break up with her. in other words - let the intent and actions do the repair work... or not.

[awful]

This is a huge red flag and extraordinarily immature.

 

Ok, let's get this straight:

You dabbled with a form of cheating.

You were in the wrong.

You admitted you were in the wrong.

You back-pedalled like mad, knowing you were wrong, and feel guilty about the whole thing.

Yet - you feel like confessing to her TO TEST HER FEELINGS OF TRUST AND LOVE FOR YOU??

 

What kind of twisted warped egotistical logic is that??

 

No that's not the reason, but I've been thinking a lot of things and that's one thing that has popped into my head.

 

 

so what's this all about then?

 

I deleted my requests, there was still messages of me asking - I was really ashamed of that.

 

I actually don't think you're mature enough to be in a relationship, when you're thinking of playing manipulative little mind games like this.

if I was your GF and you pulled a stunt like this with me, I'd slap you so hard your wisdom teeth wouldn't even bother showing up.

 

This isn't what I was thinking tho, it has crossed my mind during my process of thinking but it would never be a reason for a confession.

[TaraMaiden]

Then really, your only sensible, sound and logical option is to let it go.

Have you looked at any other threads here?

Have you seen how devastated some people are because of the actual, real and very evident cheating their partners really actually indulge in?

 

This really is trivia by comparison.

Just drop it, stop agonising and forget it.

Move on.

trust me. in time other situations will rear their ugly heads and this will fade into the dim and distant past.

You're making a whole range of mountains out of a teeny-tiny molehill....

[thinkfast444]

This is one shade worse than jerking off to porn. What would be accomplished by exposing your GF to this? If you are willing to completely go cold turkey and NC with this internet "person" then do it and be happy you learned an important lesson.

[SidLyon]

I'm assuming you are a male?

 

Was the other person whose pictures you wanted, male or female?

 

If the pictures were of a male then you really have a different issue and I'd suggest this does need addressing with your girlfriend. Simply forgetting about it possibly won't be the best thing for her or you. It isn't fair on either of you to continue a long term relationship knowing your desires lie elsewhere than with the opposite gender.

 

If female, and if you feel out of control with some sort of internet porn addiction then you probably also need to address this too with your girlfriend and possibly counseling.

 

If it was just a once off (and she was female) and you are not struggling with other sex addiction type issues then forget about it (I think). If you really must tell, then do so, accept that she may not forgive and be prepared to move on with your life.

[awful]

Just came back on, thanks for the advice.

 

No, it wasn't a male it was a female.

 

I don't think I am a porn addict but come to think of it I do watch porn quite a lot ... I wonder how much is average for an 18 year old? My computer is downstairs and I live with my family so I'd say whenever they're out + I'm bored i would watch some porn.

[awful]

Well, it's been a little while since I posted this now...

 

 

Your comments really helped me. I was too nervous to talk to anyone about this in the real world, it's good there are places like these.

 

 

I managed to get over my feelings of guilt - like most of you advised - for quite a long period .... but the feelings began to resurface again after I finally found a job. I guess the long evening shifts got me down enough for the negativity to thrive in my mind.

 

Well I still feel like a ****ing idiot. Because it happened on the internet in such short moments it's easy to dismiss it as not being real at all. Part of me thinks it would be easy to say 'i deleted the messages' so therefore it's in complete thin air, not part of the real world, and so not part of our relationship.

 

But it did happen, and somehow I managed to **** up bad enough that I've been rotting in guilt again all week.

 

Some of you asked what the point of the guilt is. Well emotions aren't rational, I can't turn this off. There are moments and period where I can see a little more clearly, but at times I feel like I'm suffocating.

 

I've become part of what I hate. I ****ing hate cheaters, people who throw away what they have for small measures of personal enjoyment. But that's exactly what I did.

 

She's the ****ing love of my life.

 

We live in separate areas. I spend a lot of time on the internet and on forums discussing games, things separate from the real world when I'm not with her. Maybe it is easy to get lost in it all, to forget about real life and the commitments that come with it, and make these mistakes. I lost my sense of judgement. I messed up. I might have made the mistake that ends my great relationship, that I'm so lucky to have.

 

Maybe the only good thing that has come from this is that I realised something so clearly. My GF really means everything, she really is everything. If this relationship ends, I think I'll be a bachelor.

 

It seems contradictory to say how much someone means to you when you've gone and made a horrible error elsewhere. But I would never **** another girl, or touch another girl, or kiss another girl, or even ****ing dance with another girl. I didn't make the decisions most people make when they cheat. I feel like a lost a grip of reality on the forum, and didn't recognise my error until two months later. Now I'm dying over it. Maybe there is no escape from what I've done even if everything about it is wiped.

 

At least I can always say I've never got intimate with another person. I'll always have that. My GF is the only person I've put my lips to, that will always be true even if she leaves me.

 

-----------------

 

Tomorrow I'll see her again. And we'll smile and hold each other. Tell each other how much we love one another. But inside will be that tugging feeling. That I've wronged her and she's oblivious to it.

 

How am I supposed to make this right without ruining everything? Or ruining the trust I know I can deserve.

 

I know most people wouldn't have read all of that, but it was really for me more than anything. It felt good getting it out, even on a forum like this. I do respect the advice I got. But it's hard to let go, damn hard. I feel like I can't just forget. I even wake up to these sour feelings in my stomach. But I know I don't deserve sympathy.

 

All I can do is wonder endlessly why I did it, why I foresaked my morality and my principles and her.

[Dexter Morgan]

Two months ago, I asked a stranger on an internet forum for revealing pictures. More specifically, 'body pictures.' I had spoken to them before, but didn't know them really and certainly didn't have feelings, they had pictures up and I got carried away and asked for this.

 

But I've had a girlfriend I truly love for 2 years, and I would never cheat on her.

 

bull....if you wanted to see pictures of some other girl on the net, you damn well know that if you found yourself in a hotel room with her 1000 miles away from your girlfriend, where she'd never find out, you'd cheat.

 

and in a sense, you already cheated.

 

Why did I do this then? I know this is going to sound crazy and that I am lying but I truly, truly didn't see this forum as part of the real world and I honestly didn't see it as cheating until now, 2 months later.

 

here we go with the "why did I do this" thing. its simple, you wanted to see another girl naked and you found it exciting because it is a real person and not some magazine. this is kind of an ego boost because you'd think to yourself that she wouldn't show you if she wasn't interested in you as well.

 

 

 

I know I didn't think of it as cheating because it took me 2 whole months to get the realisation and begin to feel bad - I know that if I ever willfully betrayed the girl I loved that I would instantly feel awful.

 

ah, so because you didn't "instantly" feel awful, its not cheating? how old are you??

 

 

But now I do feel awful. I really really love her, she is the best thing in my life by miles, we're both 18 and have been going out 2 years.

 

I know I'm never going to do this again, I know the only reason I did anything like this in the first place was because of an accidental lack of judgement

 

accidental? huh?

 

 

- which I know sounds absolutely stupid

 

just remember, you said that, not me.

 

 

I know I can be a better boyfriend from this experience, surely this is a good thing.

 

I dunno...tell your girlfriend what you did and see if she thinks its a good thing. I mean afterall, you don't think you cheated, so there is nothing wrong with what you did....right?

 

 

However.

 

I know that if I ever told my girlfriend (she can't technically find out another way, because it occurred on the internet with a stranger.) That she would feel very hurt and have a lot of questions, she might even leave me straight away.

 

well why do you think she'd be hurt and leave you if you, in your mind anyway, didn't do anything wrong?

 

I'm serious here, think about it, and answer that question.

 

 

I know she'll always want to know why someone she loved did this to her - And I honestly don't know why I did!!

 

yes...you do. you are just playing dumb.

 

 

Should I try and forgive myself or should I tell her so she can make an informed decision? I'm worried if I tell her she will never understand the nature of my betrayal

 

she'll never understand? what is to understand?

 

 

that I would never willingly set out to hurt her like she might think!

 

most cheaters don't do it intentionally, doesn't make it hurt or make it any less of a betrayal

 

 

Sometimes I think forgiving myself and moving on is the best choice - especially since I know I am a better person now, who has learnt his lesson and this all occurred through a fundamental mishap in thinking to begin with.

 

 

what would you do if you found out your girlfriend was exchanging picutres with other guys and she enjoyed seeing other men's massive members?

[Dexter Morgan]

Delete. Forget. Move on.

 

no consequences, got away with it, will think he can get away with it in the future.