joseygirl Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Ok... well I'm back. I ironically hoped to be one of the few that had the happy ending. (I know.. I know) When I say I'm back, I never really left. As much as many comments upset me when I initially posted, I have used this forum for encouragement, and advice silently, and have come to respect many of the posters that originally may have offended me. For those of you who don't know me... I met my MM while we both M. We both thought somewhat happily or at least weren't planning to leave. Well, we fell head over heals and I was a goner. Staying up chatting online til 2am... texting constantly, walking away to take phone calls, devising schemes and lies all to be together. I was not good at this... and I fell in love quickly. (We both thought we could give each other something that was missing at home without getting our hearts involved. I know that is wrong but it is what we thought.) I knew I would get caught... and I had to find a way to leave my marriage as I was not capable of this deceipt. My husband and I started having some problems and I saw an out and took it. He (MM) on the other hand stayed. He said he wanted to be with me... was living for our life together... but he had 2 children 12 and 13 and felt they needed him at this time. I agreed (for a while). So... flash forward 6months. I am alone.. officially seperated and missing him. I start to tell him this can't be. He promises me that he will start to move things towards ending in his marriage and he feels that he can do this within 3 months. He was married for 17 yrs... Me 10. He tells her he's not happy... tells her he thinks of leaving... yada yada. It takes til the day I gave him (end of 3 month period) to tell her that he is moving out of the bedroom. He moves into the spare bedroom. She is upset... wants to work it out. They have not had sex since we have been together. Prior to us.. it was maybe once or twice a month prior to that at his request. She didn't seem to miss it. So he just kept going to see how long it would last and of course he is using that against her as a reason she does not care about this marriage. That time frame past and of course like a doofus I extended. He "needed" more time. That he felt he owed it to her and his kids to make this as painless and as seemless as possible. I granted... 3 month extension... til our 1 yr. anniversary. Well..... guess what.. that came and went, as well as the next 2months. I finally said that's it. We have been no contact for 3 wks other than some texts and phone calls. I know some of you would say that is not NC.. but we would see each other weekly for often 3 nights a week... so I feel it is. I need to cut that off but I am having such a hard time. I want to let go. I am truly trying again.... I just wind up crying and feeling so alone and abandoned. I have never been this person. I've always been able to be strong and move forward..... wtf is the matter with me????? Does this happen to everyone?
Summer Breeze Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Ok... well I'm back. I ironically hoped to be one of the few that had the happy ending. (I know.. I know) When I say I'm back, I never really left. As much as many comments upset me when I initially posted, I have used this forum for encouragement, and advice silently, and have come to respect many of the posters that originally may have offended me. For those of you who don't know me... I met my MM while we both M. We both thought somewhat happily or at least weren't planning to leave. Well, we fell head over heals and I was a goner. Staying up chatting online til 2am... texting constantly, walking away to take phone calls, devising schemes and lies all to be together. I was not good at this... and I fell in love quickly. (We both thought we could give each other something that was missing at home without getting our hearts involved. I know that is wrong but it is what we thought.) I knew I would get caught... and I had to find a way to leave my marriage as I was not capable of this deceipt. My husband and I started having some problems and I saw an out and took it. He (MM) on the other hand stayed. He said he wanted to be with me... was living for our life together... but he had 2 children 12 and 13 and felt they needed him at this time. I agreed (for a while). So... flash forward 6months. I am alone.. officially seperated and missing him. I start to tell him this can't be. He promises me that he will start to move things towards ending in his marriage and he feels that he can do this within 3 months. He was married for 17 yrs... Me 10. He tells her he's not happy... tells her he thinks of leaving... yada yada. It takes til the day I gave him (end of 3 month period) to tell her that he is moving out of the bedroom. He moves into the spare bedroom. She is upset... wants to work it out. They have not had sex since we have been together. Prior to us.. it was maybe once or twice a month prior to that at his request. She didn't seem to miss it. So he just kept going to see how long it would last and of course he is using that against her as a reason she does not care about this marriage. That time frame past and of course like a doofus I extended. He "needed" more time. That he felt he owed it to her and his kids to make this as painless and as seemless as possible. I granted... 3 month extension... til our 1 yr. anniversary. Well..... guess what.. that came and went, as well as the next 2months. I finally said that's it. We have been no contact for 3 wks other than some texts and phone calls. I know some of you would say that is not NC.. but we would see each other weekly for often 3 nights a week... so I feel it is. I need to cut that off but I am having such a hard time. I want to let go. I am truly trying again.... I just wind up crying and feeling so alone and abandoned. I have never been this person. I've always been able to be strong and move forward..... wtf is the matter with me????? Does this happen to everyone? Darling you're in love and breaking up hurts. If he was single and had to move to another country and you broke up it'd still hurt. I personally don't like NC. I found that LC was best because it was still a touch of contact and it just wore off. Eventually the dynamic changed and it wasn't a priority to talk to him. It's never easy in any break up. You're still strong and you're still that person just plod through and let yourself feel sad and angry and all of the emotions a break up throws at you. Try NC cause it might be just what you need. We're all different and it looks like LC isn't working for you.
Hazyhead Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Josey, it's only been three weeks and you're bound to be hurting right now. I'm going to be honest with you, it takes a lot of time and effort to recover. Six months out, I have moved forward but I still have my moments and though far fewer, they are still intensely painful. BUT, you say you haven't officially ended contact. It sounds to me like this is heading towards starting up again - a little message to check in at first, test the waters, and them back at square one. Are you ready for NC? You have to choose it for you, because you feel you're ready to start healing. If you are, make that decision and stay strong. It'll hurt like Hell at first but is doable, and you're already three weeks in. Really examine what you want from here and what you think is best for you. Hugs to you, hon.
LostintheMidwest Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Yep. I'm struggling with NC. You'll probably go throuh some weak moments but stay strong. I think you are doing a pretty good job though. It's only been a little over a week for me and sometimes I get really depressed. Me and my MM usually never go this long without talking. And lots of crazy things will go through your head during NC. For me it's like 'why hasn't HE tried to contact ME yet... like he always does by now' Or I am trying to list reasons (in my head) why we probably would never work and then I go back to telling myself I love him and how much other things we have in common. Then.... not to mention, anything and everything reminds me of him. We have lots of 'inside' jokes and I want to call him when something reminds me of one. So.... in a nutshell if you think what I just posted above a bit crazy... then YES! The answer to your question is Yes....and... it it totally normal.
TinaniT Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Breaking up hurts always, and for someone you still have feelings for--- world of pain. Best of luck to you. Stay strong for what you need.
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