bolase Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months 1 month ago, as he wasn't giving me much time or affection, and kept suggesting things which would only happen if I made them...but we are good friends. He has a lot of depression/anxiety issues and really opened up to me, said he would get help the first time that I nearly walked - after he asked me to ignore him. He is really wonderful in other ways. So now..I am really missing him. Weve cuddled twice (no sex) and he says he likes it but knows I don't feel comfy and dont want to sleep with him. He asedme to usehim until I find someone new (what the hell?!), but said he misses me, doesnt mind if we arent together, just wants to hang out with me. But when I broke up with him, he said "well I think we both know we aren't the loves of each others lives". Ouch. We are both going separate ways next year but I was open to what coudl happen with us. The other night he was bored apparently and texted me late - thigns like "I don't want to shade your light", "Just saying if you want to talk, I can, I know you like discussing things, I don't want to but wil if you do" and "I don't ever want to make you unhappy..cause you are a goddess". I asked him if we were on the same page after our cuddle as being still not together, and he said "all good, same page". But what do I do now? I want him back, but now I'm confused - it's like he doesn't care at all, is completely over me, but then treats me like gold. Do I just tell him I want to give it a try, if he is open to it, tell me and we can ive it a go? Or do I keep moving on? I fear that he has already, though I think if he has, he wasn't right anyway. Scared I jumped too soon..
Author bolase Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 ALso I am embarassed to admit that I did go on a date last week with a new guy, trying to move on, didn't even kiss - but when my ex and I were texting I told him, I guess in my effort to try to move on and stop feeling frustrated, but the reason i told him about the date was blatantly to make us both hurt, I shouldn't have. ... I don't want to date anyone apart from my ex right now. Argh I hate what these feelings turn me into. Any advice please.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I'm not one to urge moving on, but you have a problem child on your hands. It's hard to give up on someone that's gotten into your heart. But there comes a time when ya gotta look out for yourself and have to ask if you want to keep dealing with someone else's complex. Complexes can be kinda contagious. They can twist an otherwise emotionally secure and consistently even person into being a shaky emotional co-dependent that can lose him or herself. I've been through that and wasn't even wise enough to get it that my lover was seriously psychologically fragmented into a collection of sub-identities. I could not earn any trust or respect even though I was faithful and gave her no mixed signals. She couldn't take any responsibility for our ups and down because there wasn't one her--there were real walls between her collection of identities and she had lived a life of continually switching those identities as a defense mechanism for what one of them had done wrong for a long time before she met me (always making the other person seem like an aggressor when they weren't and were just trying to be happy). Her ex-husband pulled the plug on their marriage after two years and she was only 23 when she got divorced. I couldn't believe that when she told me but I was to find out why he had to let her go to keep his own sanity. I was a total mess when I finally had to shut her out for good. I wish I would have walked the first time I suffered one of her betrayals of my intimacy with her. I just wasn't prepared to deal with this complex obscured behind all of the beauty. I guess it's really most important for your guy to take responsibility and get help for anxiety, depression, mood swings--even if they don't result in overt hostility toward you and he keeps giving you signs that he "sorta" loves you. If he doesn't see that he's causing you emotional ill by giving you confusing signals, you might have to consider that it just can't work and move on--painful as it may be. Best wishes.
Recommended Posts