elm302 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 So this is my first post but I need some help. So here it goes I have been with my wife since 9th grade im 21 now she is 20. We have been best friends since 6th grade and I never had any doubt that we would be togeather forever. I am a traveling welder so Im gone alot:( which i know is hard on a marriage. So in feburary I went to Memphis for one day and when I got home she was with one of my friends I thought it was really weird because he was always flirty with her. I questioned her alot but she didnt give so I let it go. Then about a month later I had to go to San Antonio for a week. When I got back I could tell something was off so I started questioning her and she ended up telling me that her and my so called friend had sex twice when I was gone busting my azz. My world came to a screching halt I was devistated. Well I got over it cause I didnt wanna loose her so she agreed that she would never do this again. Well about three months later when I was in alabama she did it again with another guy I didnt know. I just couldnt believe it that she would that to me. Its been about two months since all that and I have agreed to take her back and try to work threw it again. But the biggest thing I cannot get over is the mental pictures i get when I think about it. She is the only person I have ever slept with and now she has done it with three people that might not seem like alot but thats huge to me just how I was raised I guess. So what can I do to get over this and move on cause its really starting to hurt our relationship with my mind going crazy because I cant let it go. I want this to work so bad but I cant get over what she did to me. Please help me I need some much needed advice on how to go get over this so we can have a great relationship again I really dont want to loose my best friend Thanks everybody.
Bryanp Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Good grief - what do you mean 3 does not seem like a lot. You are married and she had numerous sex with 3 separate men behind your back and put your health at risk for STD's. You forgave her and she continued to screw other men behind your back. Do not be a fool. You are only 21 years old. Do not waste your life on someone who has disrespected and humiliated you in such an awful way. You both need to be tested for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you have been? You gave her a chance when you forgave her. Clearly she saw this as weakness from you and had no problem screwing another man behind your back. She feels that you are so weak that she will be able to continue to screw men while you are working because you continually forgive her. Clearly there seems to be no consequences to her actions. Look my friend - in a very few months she has screwed at least 3 different men. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes about the amount of distain and disrespect she has for you. She probably had sex with these guys in your home since you found one of them at your home when you came home. Clearly she has no respect for you and perceives you to be a complete fool. Nobody respects a doormat. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Please don't waste your life on someone like this. See an attorney and get out while you are still very young. I wish you luck.
Author elm302 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 thanks alot for the advice I really want this to work out and Im doing my best and she is too. Just to get things straight she cheated on me with two guys not three not that it matters but I was saying including me thats three guys. I didnt find them in the house it was was I got home and she wasnt there that I called her I guess it happened in a field. Thanks for all the replies everybody.
Bryanp Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Elm, You forgave her and then 3 months later she screwed another man while you were in Alabama. Why did she do this again? If you had said that if she did it again it would automatically lead to divorce do you honestly think she would have done it again with the second man? What were the consequences to her actions after the first time? It is not a question of how many men she has been with in her life. The question is what gave her justification to cheat on you while being married to you? The question is why after you forgave her and apparently she showed remorse did she have no problem having sex with another man again 3 months later? I am sorry Elm but one can only assume that she did it with the second man because she knew you would forgive her again. This is ridiculous that she would have no problem cheating on you 3 months after cheating on you previously and you forgave her. What is wrong with this picture?
Author elm302 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 I know what your saying I judt wish it was that easy. I mean can it just not work from now one I know it will take a very long time to deal with this. Would counseling be worth the time.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Sounds like your wife's a serial cheater. At 21 she's most likely got a lot of growing up to do yet. Honestly..your 21..which is great! Get out now..find yourself a real woman in like..ummmm 10 years and save all your hard earned money on yourself! Think of it this way..what if you had a kid with her and she did this to you? Think of how much harder it would be for you to leave? I say dump her now while your oh so young. Theres so many good girls out there. Take your time and find HER!
michelangelo Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Leave her, do not even let her get pregnant before you do!! I wish I know the truth of my wife's attitudes as soon as you have. Mourn what could have been, but get away form her. She does not love and respect you.
Darren Steez Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Elm probably cried a lot and took her back wondering what the hell he did wrong, just when he's about to go out of town she's planning her nights out. Come on dude what are you trying to save here? She's cheated at every opportunity she'd had, and you know what she'll continue to do it because you my friend just want to make this work...whatever that means. So you can go to all the counselling, whisper sweet nothings and promise things will change, watch her like a hawk and tie that poor woman down...but as soon as you take your next trip she'll be out that door screwing the next man..or maybe she might be at home doing nothing but you'll always be wondering what's she's up to, if she has another man in the house..you see what I'm saying here. Her actions have no consequence because you have no backbone, and it's not a male macho thing, its a you've been cheated on twice and she did it wilfully and let's be truthful she's not sorry at all because you're so desperate to keep her she can do what she wants. I'm afraid no one can give you advice my friend, I'm pretty much disgusted for you, shame you're not disgusted for yourself because you'll make up some lame excuse for her, like you love her or she had problems as a kid or her puppy died.
thinkfast444 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I see shades of my own recent hell in this story...but if my W ever an EA or PA then she would be out on her ass in no time flat. Once is forgivable...maybe. Repeating within a few months -- forget it. Three times -- I can't imagine a scenario where I'd stay in the M. I think she want's to be free of you anyhow. It doesn't sound like she's made any effort to hide her As. This advice is either a pearl or a goat turd. You decide.
fltc Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 You may forgive her but you can never forget. If you can live with images of her with the other guy, good luck because they'll never go away, you'll see them in your mind the rest of your life. Sorry, that's the way it is... I'd divorce her and look for someone you can trust.
Binster Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Sorry mate I know this is bad but your only 21 you've no kids or real responsibilitys, do yourself a favour and get out. Listen to what your being told, it's the best advice your gnna hear.
Darth Vader Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Sorry mate I know this is bad but your only 21 you've no kids or real responsibilitys, do yourself a favour and get out. Listen to what your being told, it's the best advice your gnna hear. Get with it Elm! Your wife is a cheating whore! Drop the Bitch's ass! Before she gives you AIDS!
TaraMaiden Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I know what your saying I judt wish it was that easy. I mean can it just not work from now one I know it will take a very long time to deal with this. Would counseling be worth the time. This isn't love. It's not devotion. It's not even neediness, clinginess or dependency. It's clear out and out masochism. She is a cheater. She is an habitual cheater. She cheats like a pastime. You leave, she cheats. Once is questionable. Twice is unacceptable. Three times , you need your head examining. Really, she may be a cheater, but you're just blind, hun. Counselling won't help, except to try to clear up why you are even considering staying with her. Really, cut your losses, now.
Recommended Posts