jamesfox Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Ok so basically here's the story: I'm a 26 year old guy who's real scared of rejection, can't talk to girls at all. The reason for this is that, in high school I was the fat pimply kid who couldn't seem to get a date if his life depended on it. I asked out TONS of people and always tried to stay positive but still got rejected. Then, after high school I tried to meet girls in all kinds of places: clubs, bars, libraries, work, even paid $30 for a dating service online. Still, nothing. I didn't even get one reply from the girls I emailed, not even for a cup of coffee, nothing. Felt like garbage. Made me feel really suicidal and lonely so I stopped talking to people altogether, and only spoke to people when they spoke to me first. This was when I was around 21. Fast forward to now- in the last couple of years I lost a lot of weight, grew my hair out and started dressing more "goth" and I found girls liked me way more. I maybe don't get hit on as much as the "jocks" but I've noticed enough of an improvement. Problem is, I still have that fear of rejection from the past. It's like no matter what happens for me I still feel like an ugly person inside and am scared of making the first move. Please help. I'm tired of being lonely and always having to wait for the other person to make the first move, but it seems like no matter what I do, EVERY SINGLE TIME I have made the first move, nothing happens. I don't want to feel alone but I don't want to feel rejected either. Thanks. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Mad Max Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 You are a guy. And guys have to make the first move AND initiate every contact and every date for the entire relationship, women never take any initiatives so you'll have to do all the "work"... get used to it or else you continue to be alone. In years past, that was the case. It's not like that anymore.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 So you're 26 and you look like a metal head? I don't know what kind of girls go for that, but most girls really want someone who's at least well groomed, not a guy who wears eyeliner. You should think about that.
Cee Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 There's a line in a Man or Astroman song that I love: "A man chases a woman until she catches him." The truth is most women will quietly pursue someone she likes or at the very least give cues of interest. Try to observe these cues and take a chance with a woman who seems to like you. But I think low self-esteem can blind us from seeing obvious attraction. Rejection isn't fun, but if you don't take a chance, you might miss something special. When I was 26, I saw a stranger across a crowded room and I had that love at first sight thing. I wanted to meet that man so badly that I hovered around him to get his attention. I know that's not mature, but I was so shy because of my attraction. Eventually we talked, exchanged numbers and dated for 4 years. He was one of the greatest loves of my life. What's funny about my pursuing of this guy is that he saw it as him making the first move. He did say the first thing to me, but I was the one hanging around. Also, he made some small comment to me & I used that to strike up a conversation. I admit there have been countless rejections in my life, but I don't remember those slights as much as I remember the success stories.
PJKino Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Im the same way im 30 and only been with one women who later said it was only becasue she was drunk.. I never get any social cues or signs of women into me because frankly they just arent into me.. Im afraid to approach strange women because every time i ger rejected its like another sign to me that women arent attracted to me.. As i said the logical thing would be to approach when a women shows signs but i never get them..
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