delias Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hello everybody Im a new member here and been lurking for a couple days and finally today decided to post!!! Heres my story: My husband and I started dating since we were 16 and got married when we were 21 we are now 29 we have two adorable kids 6 -8 .... this past may I discovered him on a single phone call with someone for 1 hour and i confronted him on the spot and he told me it was an old girl friend and that they had a long talk and that was it! he swore up n down he wasn't planning on calling back and blah blah so i let go and didnt make a big deal of it... fast forward to july him and my cousin went to store and when they came back home they were giglin and laughing and I asked my cousin if i could borrow his phone (i had a gut feeling something was up) so he gave it to me and sure enough there it was a phone call to the same person i took my cousin to the side and asked if he knew something and he got really nervous and said he would give me his password to check his phone usage online and so that i could see myself.... and there it was the whole thing dozens of texts and phones made to her...... so the ******* didnt use his phone to do that he used my cousins phone or whoevers phone except his!....fast forward he lied about so many things we are going to MC to see if the helps he has stated he loves me and he wants to stay and he also swears he has not contacted her since july..... awwww this just hurts so much...... but I love him so much
elow_IN _LOve Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Go with your Gut feeling inside, and believe it bc its always right. Your story sounds like mine. My gut says hes cheating on you. get ready to move on
Owl Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 So your cousin was helping your husband maintain this affair by letting him do it on the cousin's cell phone to hide it from you? Time to tell the cousin to get lost...obviously not someone who gives a darn about you or your marriage. So what's your plan to recover your marriage?
Author delias Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 So your cousin was helping your husband maintain this affair by letting him do it on the cousin's cell phone to hide it from you? Time to tell the cousin to get lost...obviously not someone who gives a darn about you or your marriage. So what's your plan to recover your marriage? YES................... and this cousin was abandoned by his parents when he was a baby and my parents took him and so he grew up with us and he was like a brother to me ............. We are doing MC but will see how that works... somedays I feel great but somedays I feel I would never get over this.. Someone please tell me this gets better
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 YES................... and this cousin was abandoned by his parents when he was a baby and my parents took him and so he grew up with us and he was like a brother to me ............. We are doing MC but will see how that works... somedays I feel great but somedays I feel I would never get over this.. Someone please tell me this gets better So have you had a conversation with your cousin about this and how much he knows about whats been going on? And your husband? How much has he let you know whats been going on? Do you know the extent of everything at this point? I am 4 months out of D-Day and it still hurts. Does it get better...that all depends on the type of guy your husband is. Everyone has their ups and downs and for us being the BS's its really hard for us to gulp it. I still have a lot of up and down days..and am basically taking it one day at a time. You have to vent your feelings..as I still do from time to time..and letting nature run its course at this point. Don't make any decisions at this point..and let him be aware that this is YOUR choice now...whether you want to be with a cheater or not. I know you love him and all..but your my age more or less and sometimes when these things happen you may not want to make it work as your still young enough to live life. I'm at that point now..even though my h has done a 180 ..it really feels at times its a little to late to be that perfect h. How remorseful is your h?
ragegnst Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I have to concur with others, what is up with your cousin? blood thicker then water? I would be really upset with that person as well
2sunny Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 let's stop with the cousin and pay attention to what her H did and the M. no MC is going to help unless your H feels dome heavy hitting consequences for his cheating ways. what have you done to set a solid boundary for YOURSELF? what consequences has he had? IF he has none - he will continue... and i mean for a lifetime. is that what you want? give him what he asked for - kick him out. make him earn you and the M back. see IF he makes an effort. you want him to be uncomfortable! IF he's comfortable with no consequences he won't change a bit. if he's uncomfortable he may start changing if he wants you and the kids. he might get scared that he's lost his love and his family. pain is a great motivator. get busy making it painful - for him. he created this and he needs to be the one begging to fix it.
Author delias Posted August 28, 2010 Author Posted August 28, 2010 let's stop with the cousin and pay attention to what her H did and the M. no MC is going to help unless your H feels dome heavy hitting consequences for his cheating ways. what have you done to set a solid boundary for YOURSELF? what consequences has he had? IF he has none - he will continue... and i mean for a lifetime. is that what you want? give him what he asked for - kick him out. make him earn you and the M back. see IF he makes an effort. you want him to be uncomfortable! IF he's comfortable with no consequences he won't change a bit. if he's uncomfortable he may start changing if he wants you and the kids. he might get scared that he's lost his love and his family. pain is a great motivator. get busy making it painful - for him. he created this and he needs to be the one begging to fix it. How do I get busy making it painful? without kicking him out? I've always said.. Once he walks out the door he is not coming in... that said , i still want him to see consecuences... but how ? someone please teach me
2sunny Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 How do I get busy making it painful? without kicking him out? I've always said.. Once he walks out the door he is not coming in... that said , i still want him to see consecuences... but how ? someone please teach me put his things out front and change the locks. don't continue talking to him. he will get the message that if things need to change HE will need to be the one to make it different. the way it stands now - you are allowing him to treat you like crap. he won't change or be motivated to let her go if you don't show him that you aren't going to put up with this behavior. he has all his people making it easy to reinforce his bad behavior. that is so messed up. don't be THAT gal that shows with your actions that you are ok with it. be strong. take action. make it hard for him. he will either get busy trying to earn back your trust and love - or he won't. either way - you begin to move forward. action will show him more than words so there's no reason to talk. make him so uncomfortable that he starts to think - what the heck have i done? i better do something different to fix this and make it right! it's his to do - YOU can get busy taking care of YOU.
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