Question for the guys...

[willowthewisp]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here but would like to ask the men in particular a question. Why did you marry your wife? What was it about her over other women you have dated that made you want to make them your wife?

 

Probably seems an odd question, but I would like to see if there is a common answer, or theme, there is a lot of "relationship" info on the web but lets hear it from real people.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

That's an interesting question. I'm not married now...but divorced. When I think back and strain my brain as hard as I possibly can to answer your question, the only thing I can come up with is that I was just plain crazy as hell, insane and mentally incompetent at the time. Of course, there are some excellent reasons why men get married but when I did it I didn't really have a "good" reason at all. Yep, I was pretty stupid...but chemicals can take over your brain big time. That's why nature inserted them in our make-up.

[Shakz]

Of course, there are some excellent reasons why men get married

 

What are those?

[TaraMaiden]

Both my ex- husband, and a good (male) friend of mine basically (to summarise) put it this way:

They both found a woman who would have them. It was something akin to desperately settling for whatever they could find would take them.

 

Both are now divorced.

My ex has met a new partner but yet again, it seems, settled for whatever he could get.

 

Which actually, believe me or not, saddens me.

[Gfkr2]

It's not an odd question at all. As I best recall, I was very much drawn to the closeness of her family and their immediate acceptance of me an dating their daughter and sister. My own family wasn't as close and that drew me in like a moth to the open flame...

 

We used to have these giant gatherings around the dinner table with overflowing food and laughter. I not only connected with her emotionally and physically during this time, but I also bonded with my futue inlaws who were the real deal. I was told at a young age to see how the woman you are dating treats her Dad because that is how she will treat you as you get older. She treated her Dad like a king and the rest, so to speak, is history:)

 

She was very beautiful and somewhat naive young woman. I really like the fact she was outgoing and had many friends of all ages and backgrounds. I am more of in intovert and her genuine friendliness was another big plus for me. Physcially, she had ALL the looks (blue eyed , blond, all american girl) and dynamite in the sack. She was smokin' between the sheets for the entire duration of our 26 year marriage, with a body that caught the attention of other men.

 

Unfortunately for our M, she took to sleeping with a few of these OM who lusted over her and she lost her ability to say "no":( We are in the process of getting a divorce...

[stillafool]

It's not an odd question at all. As I best recall, I was very much drawn to the closeness of her family and their immediate acceptance of me an dating their daughter and sister. My own family wasn't as close and that drew me in like a moth to the open flame...

 

We used to have these giant gatherings around the dinner table with overflowing food and laughter. I not only connected with her emotionally and physically during this time, but I also bonded with my futue inlaws who were the real deal. I was told at a young age to see how the woman you are dating treats her Dad because that is how she will treat you as you get older. She treated her Dad like a king and the rest, so to speak, is history:)

 

She was very beautiful and somewhat naive young woman. I really like the fact she was outgoing and had many friends of all ages and backgrounds. I am more of in intovert and her genuine friendliness was another big plus for me. Physcially, she had ALL the looks (blue eyed , blond, all american girl) and dynamite in the sack. She was smokin' between the sheets for the entire duration of our 26 year marriage, with a body that caught the attention of other men.

 

Unfortunately for our M, she took to sleeping with a few of these OM who lusted over her and she lost her ability to say "no":( We are in the process of getting a divorce...

 

Ooooooooooh. That's so sad.

[Gfkr2]

Ooooooooooh. That's so sad.

 

I am now in the recovery phase now. Don't see forgiveness anytime in the future. Too many open wounds still to heal

[seibert253]

I fell head over heels totally in love. Wanted to spend every minute of everyday with her.

 

18 years later I'm still totally in love with her, even after what she did. None of us are perfect, we all fall from grace.

 

Now, as far as spending every minute of everyday, well, let's just say I enjoy my "me" time.

[keane2010]

I'll assume you understand that many come here because of problems, so the sampling group will be biased towards that end (sorry - the engineer in me slipped out).

 

When I grew up, I had never seen examples of a good marriage. I wanted a different life. I dated so many girls where it became very apparent that we were only dating for the wrong reasons.

 

I'm happy that I wasn't in the position one of the previous posters mentioned - marry the first one who would take him. My school allowed the girl's club to vote on a title they called 'beau', and this guy got to attend all of their dances. I was the school Beau for my last two years.

 

After high school, I met a woman who moved to my neighborhood from another country(she was American, but from a military family). She refused to date me because she knew I was a troublemaker. But it seemed that her biggest problem was when I admitted that before I met her, I had a relationship with my teacher while I was her teacher's aide (she was much older).

 

I pursued her and married because I knew she was a good woman and could always be trusted. Really though, I wish I had put a little more thought into compatability.

[GoodOnPaper]

What was it about her over other women you have dated

 

Well . . . she pursued me and actually wanted an LTR with me. I wish I could say I fell madly in love, but things didn't work out that way. I was terrible at attracting women. Anyone I pursued either shut me down immediately or -- the few that didn't -- waded half-heartedly into a relationship while constantly keeping an eye out for something more exciting. In stark contrast, I couldn't shake this cute but overweight girl. As we dated, I thought that if I moved to the relationship's next step, I would start to "get it" -- before long, we're married with kids.

[redtail]

Why did you marry your wife?

...

 

I'm on my second marriage, so I can answer this twice. My first marriage was a negotiation, not a proposal. My ex-wife, GF at the time, even though we never discussed it, it seemed to me that she felt it was time for her to be married. We went out to dinner and discussed the pros and cons and settled on a date to be married. Seesh, I really wish I would've seen that one coming but she's not to blame, I said yes. Fast forward 21 years and we got a divorce. She cheated on me twice before we got married but I figured a ring on her finger would curtail that activity, NOT! So, she got caught, and I got the house!

 

After a few years of living on my own, which I loved by the way, I had dated only a few women. I started to date this woman at a wildlife rehab where I volunteered. We hit it off because we had so much in common, loved to do the same things, go to the same places and could talk for hours. We fell in love but also became best friends. Our talks were deeper than I had ever had with anyone, let alone a partner, so I knew, she was the one. And that's why I proposed to her. We were married 10 years ago.

[willowthewisp]

Thanks for all the responses. Yes Keane2010 I get that the sample population is rather biased, still nice to hear what a man is looking for even if it isn't of hasn't worked out so well in the long term.

 

 

 

After a few years of living on my own, which I loved by the way, I had dated only a few women. I started to date this woman at a wildlife rehab where I volunteered. We hit it off because we had so much in common, loved to do the same things, go to the same places and could talk for hours. We fell in love but also became best friends. Our talks were deeper than I had ever had with anyone, let alone a partner, so I knew, she was the one. And that's why I proposed to her. We were married 10 years ago.

 

Ahhh, now Redtail, this just makes my heart sing to hear, married her because she is your best friend - now folks...that IS how it is supposed to be surely????? :love:

[Stung]

After a few years of living on my own, which I loved by the way, I had dated only a few women. I started to date this woman at a wildlife rehab where I volunteered. We hit it off because we had so much in common, loved to do the same things, go to the same places and could talk for hours. We fell in love but also became best friends. Our talks were deeper than I had ever had with anyone, let alone a partner, so I knew, she was the one. And that's why I proposed to her. We were married 10 years ago.

 

 

This is lovely, Redtail, and the bolded is true also of my own marriage.

 

Also, I love that you and your wife volunteered at a wildlife rehab, that's something I used to do with my dad.

[mem11363]

She was attractive - oh and she still is 21 years later. I was attracted to her physically. Not the lose your mind - insane physical attraction - but the - damn she is cute kind.

 

Personality wise:

- Smart

- Funny - is even funnier now - A+ sense of humor

- Upbeat

- Excellent conversational skills - reads a lot - can discuss just about anything

- Adventurous - willing to try anything

- Very good with money - always lived within her means

- Playful

- GREAT in bed A++

- Organized and responsible/mature where it mattered

- Honest and straight forward

- Open minded

- Strong willed - this can be painful at times but I wouldn't change it a bit

- Considerate of others - genuinely kind

- Able to apologize when she is wrong - this would have been a deal breaker for me I have no tolerance for people who can't apologize.

 

She is NOT perfect. She can be ridiculously impatient at times. And PMS makes her tense and combative for 1-2 days a month. But I am skilled at not igniting world war 3 on those days and she has enough respect and a healthy fear of what will happen if she is too difficult that she exerts some self control. She can be a bit jealous at times - not crazy - but mildly jealous in a way that is a bummer.

 

Still if I could go back in time I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. She is an incredible life partner and my best friend. Oh and did I mention she is still hot and still great in bed.

 

 

Hi all,

 

I'm new here but would like to ask the men in particular a question. Why did you marry your wife? What was it about her over other women you have dated that made you want to make them your wife?

 

Probably seems an odd question, but I would like to see if there is a common answer, or theme, there is a lot of "relationship" info on the web but lets hear it from real people.

 

Thanks

[finding_serenity]

Both my ex- husband, and a good (male) friend of mine basically (to summarise) put it this way:

They both found a woman who would have them. It was something akin to desperately settling for whatever they could find would take them.

 

Both are now divorced.

My ex has met a new partner but yet again, it seems, settled for whatever he could get.

 

Which actually, believe me or not, saddens me.

 

same as my H... what sucks is ive fallen hard for him only to find out he married me to pissed off his ex... i was one single naive woman who was so stupid not to see the red flags in front of my face.

[Stung]

same as my H... what sucks is ive fallen hard for him only to find out he married me to pissed off his ex... i was one single naive woman who was so stupid not to see the red flags in front of my face.

 

 

I'm sorry, that's awful. People do terrible things to each other when they lie about their feelings like that.

[2.50 a gallon]

SEX

 

I was a player, and thought that I could never be satisfied with just one woman, until she came along. She was one of the sexiest woman that I had ever been around and could have been a fold out girl. She was not the best in bed but was close to it, very experimental.

 

I was the bad boy she decided to change me and chased me for over two years. She slowly lovingly weaned me out of my playing days and I went for over a year without cheating one her. We sort of straightened each other out, as I insisted she finish her college education.

 

We had several common interests, outdoors, photography, canoeing, fishing, animals, cats, dogs and fish, kids, science, and going for the brass ring.

 

The deciding factor was when I had to go in for surgery, it was supposed to have been and in and out thing and home by the afternoon. My parents took me in, in the morning, while she attended classes. Due to a police shoot out, my surgery got delayed, until late in the afternoon, and then it took longer than expected. I came out of surgery about 6 in the evening, and my parents under advice of the doctor has me assigned to a room. My mother put me in a non smoking room, when I came out of the fog, the first thing I wanted was to light up, a soda, to hit the head (I still hurt too bad to use a bed pan), something decent to eat and another blanket as the AC was blowing directly on me. I was in pain and misery for over an hour. Then my future wife after returning home from work and finding I was not home took a cab to the hospital. This 21 year old angel took over, she chewed them out for putting me in a non smoking room, and lit me up one. Then went off and found a nurse who helped me to the boys room, got me transfered to a smoking room, got me a soda, and some crackers, and an extra blanket. In short when I needed her most, she went to bat and fought for me , and to hell with the regulations. She had passed the test. After that the love began to grow and I knew that I had found somebody special.

[2.50 a gallon]

The above marriage only lasted 6 months, as I caught her kissing a guard where she worked. I threw her under the bus, kicked her out and went back to being a player, swearing I would never love again.

 

I lasted for another 15 years, when I met my present GF. She likes animals, we have 9 cats, have had dogs. She still believes that Santa's reindeer can fly!

 

We both like cartoon charcters. If you should dine at our place it will be off of Taz, Tweetie, Bugs plates, glasses and cups. We both enjoy the holidays and decorate with lights for Halloween, Christmas (we have over a dozen containers of Christmas decorations) and Easter. We also have cutout cookie baking nights for each of the holidays, plus Thanksgiving, 4th of July and when ever we feel like it, more Mickey Mouse, Tweeties, etc. We both like wearing blue jeans and T-shirts, especially Mickey, Taz and Grumpy from the 7 dwarfs shirts.

 

I like football and she doesn't bitch about my being a couch potato, she likes her shows and I go out of my way to let her watch them. She makes the most awesome turkey stuffing, and does all of the cooking on Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am on for the rest of the year. SHe actually likes doing my laundry, and I actually like doing most of the cooking, and washing all of the dishes.

 

Both of us have gone through bad marriages and neither of us care to ever remarry again, so we share our lives. Having been through the bad times with a bad spouse we both appreciate what we have found in each other. The only time we argue is when it is time to pay the cashier, and then it is "I got it" / " No, you paid last time, it is my turn"

 

In Romeo & Juliet, Romeo speaks of the more I give the more I get, and that is our relationship. But I do not give her more so I can get more, I just love giving to her and her to me.

 

Daily she will walk up to me to give me a kiss and a hug, with an ILY and I do the same for her.

 

And last but no least, I think she is beautiful! She is a grandmother who still has an hour glass figure. She takes cars of her skin, when I met her I thought she was still in her mid 20's and not her late 30's. I still remember the night I met her, and my first thought was "look at them legs"

 

In two months we will have been together for 15 years.

Edited September 1, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon

[taiko]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here but would like to ask the men in particular a question. Why did you marry your wife? What was it about her over other women you have dated that made you want to make them your wife?

 

Thanks

 

To paraphrase a saying of women from my wife's homeland because she loved me in spite of the simple man I was.

[kuma]

The above marriage only lasted 6 months, as I caught her kissing a guard where she worked. I threw her under the bus, kicked her out and went back to being a player, swearing I would never love again.

 

I lasted for another 15 years, when I met my present GF. She likes animals, we have 9 cats, have had dogs. She still believes that Santa's reindeer can fly!

 

We both like cartoon charcters. If you should dine at our place it will be off of Taz, Tweetie, Bugs plates, glasses and cups. We both enjoy the holidays and decorate with lights for Halloween, Christmas (we have over a dozen containers of Christmas decorations) and Easter. We also have cutout cookie baking nights for each of the holidays, plus Thanksgiving, 4th of July and when ever we feel like it, more Mickey Mouse, Tweeties, etc. We both like wearing blue jeans and T-shirts, especially Mickey, Taz and Grumpy from the 7 dwarfs shirts.

 

I like football and she doesn't bitch about my being a couch potato, she likes her shows and I go out of my way to let her watch them. She makes the most awesome turkey stuffing, and does all of the cooking on Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am on for the rest of the year. SHe actually likes doing my laundry, and I actually like doing most of the cooking, and washing all of the dishes.

 

Both of us have gone through bad marriages and neither of us care to ever remarry again, so we share our lives. Having been through the bad times with a bad spouse we both appreciate what we have found in each other. The only time we argue is when it is time to pay the cashier, and then it is "I got it" / " No, you paid last time, it is my turn"

 

In Romeo & Juliet, Romeo speaks of the more I give the more I get, and that is our relationship. But I do not give her more so I can get more, I just love giving to her and her to me.

 

Daily she will walk up to me to give me a kiss and a hug, with an ILY and I do the same for her.

 

And last but no least, I think she is beautiful! She is a grandmother who still has an hour glass figure. She takes cars of her skin, when I met her I thought she was still in her mid 20's and not her late 30's. I still remember the night I met her, and my first thought was "look at them legs"

 

In two months we will have been together for 15 years.

 

I love your story! I hope you have many more wonderful years together.

[TRaczaj]

I'm not married... but there's a girl in my life right now who I would propose to in a second if I knew she would have me.

 

With her... it's that she sees the side of me that most other people don't see, and she accepts it. So many people only see my humor. They expect me to always be the funny guy, and some people even act like that's all I'm capable of.

 

She doesn't just expect me to make her laugh all the time. I can actually have a serious conversation with her. Her and I are on the same level a lot of times... and I feel like she really understand me, on all levels, not just one or two.

 

I can't go on too long with this... I'm not married for one... and unfortunately she's not even with me.

[vodkafan]

 

Why did you marry your wife?

 

 

She was completely different from my first wife. Very tough and independent, but also sexy and a little bit dangerous. No hang ups about sex at all. Yet underneath all that she was also vulnerable . Very warm and loving. There were times when she was completely crazy, then other times we had moments of perfect peace like the calm in the middle of a tornado.

I was hooked after the first two dates.

[tojaz]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here but would like to ask the men in particular a question. Why did you marry your wife? What was it about her over other women you have dated that made you want to make them your wife?

 

 

Wow, good thread Willow, I really hope it takes off.

 

I'll start by saying that i am divorced, which brought me to LS in the first place, it was something i didn't want so I think the answer is still valid.

 

For me it was the fact that we got along so well despite being so different. On paper we never would have lasted a week, nobody would have put us together to begin with, yet together we somehow meshed so well. Even before I had ever had any romantic notion towards her, there wasn't anybody I would have rather spent my time with.

 

I was a long haired car guy. Didn't get along with many people and was pretty stubborn in my thinking and pretty rough around the edges and I'll be honest, not particularly smart when it came to books and technology and such, but I had been around the block a few times .

 

She on the other hand was remarkably intelligent, computers, literature, science. Honor roll deans list all the way. Creative, Poetry, novels, and music seemed to flow from her fingers with ease, Knew a computer inside and out long before that was common.

 

She was different!!! Thats the best way to put it I guess. She was gorgeous, but not really the kind of girl I went for, but she stood out from the crowd, had her own style in everything she did, her clothes, jewelry, hair, the way she talked, things she liked. They all stood out. She danced to the beat of her own drum. In a crowded room or a busy hall, my eyes always seemed to find her, seemingly separated from the rest. Was always like that, from the first time i saw her before i even knew her name to the last time I saw her well over a decade later.

 

We spent a lot of time together as just good friends, and it didn't take long before we both were sharing things that neither one of us probably ever thought we would. I was reading novels and playing games i would have scoffed at before and was genuinely interested, and she had become pretty handy at passing wrenches and frequenting the pool halls. A trend that continued as we dated, fell in love, and eventually lived together and married. She was the college professor, riding her motorcycle and hitting the shooting range on the weekends, and I was the auto painter trying to hide his dirty fingernails from professors and deans at university dinners and presentations.

 

It was a strange match, but for quite some time we complemented each other, complete opposites that met in the middle to make a perfect match. For awhile anyway.

 

Thanks for making this thread Willow, it was nice to share some of the happy memories for a change instead of the sad ones, must be fate that i found this on her birthday and what would have been our anniversary.

 

TOJAZ

[Mr. Lucky]

With wife Number #1, I was young and stupid, confusing sex with love. We fought for 10 years and she eventually did me the favor of cheating on me and ending the relationship.

 

With my wife now (25+ years), she simply turned out to be the best person I've ever known. And more than physical attraction or sex appeal, that's what drew me to her and, despite the inevitable bumps in the road, what has kept us going. It took a while for me to mature enough to understand the concept of inner beauty ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[quankanne]

If you should dine at our place it will be off of Taz, Tweetie, Bugs plates, glasses and cups. We both enjoy the holidays and decorate with lights for Halloween, Christmas (we have over a dozen containers of Christmas decorations) and Easter. We also have cutout cookie baking nights for each of the holidays, plus Thanksgiving, 4th of July and when ever we feel like it, more Mickey Mouse, Tweeties, etc. We both like wearing blue jeans and T-shirts, especially Mickey, Taz and Grumpy from the 7 dwarfs shirts.

 

I think I've developed a bit of a crush here – this is so SWEET!

 

if I had to pick a reason why my husband chose me, I think of what he said during our ME weekend together all those years ago: He was impressed by my loyalty ... I didn't screw around on him like the first two wives did, I was committed to him and only him. At this point in time, I guess I'm a keeper because I think he's gotten used to odd little me ... and secretly enjoys it :laugh: