September Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 We read a lot of stories on here about the struggles and anxiety the OW/OM goes through after the relationship ends. But what about the xMM/MW? Do they question their decision? Do they feel awful for throwing their OW/OM under the bus? If they are still in love with their xAP, how do they disguise it? As most appear to go NC, the one's left behind, really want and need answers but are left with very little.... (For some reason, the old song "torn between two lovers" is now playing in my head. Oh crap! won't be able to get rid of it now...:laugh:)
Capris Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 (edited) We read a lot of stories on here about the struggles and anxiety the OW/OM goes through after the relationship ends. But what about the xMM/MW? Do they question their decision? Do they feel awful for throwing their OW/OM under the bus? If they are still in love with their xAP, how do they disguise it? As most appear to go NC, the one's left behind, really want and need answers but are left with very little.... (For some reason, the old song "torn between two lovers" is now playing in my head. Oh crap! won't be able to get rid of it now...:laugh:) I really dont know how they feel after but i guess it isnt good for them either. In some cases it must be worse for them. Knowing they dont have the guts to fight for their happiness and making at least 3 people sad by their actions. Men are supposed to be "providers of happiness" (using the old movie trailer voice), so i guess it hurts their ego too. Serisouly it must feel bad leaving the love of your life (in that case) to go back to the life you chose when you were young and doesnt suit you at all now that you are older. It must be bad even if you are doing it for the sake of all except yourself. Yes i do believe some MM can be selfless in a common selfish situation as an A. In fact i wish my MM was more selfish than he appears so we can go on with a life together. So i dont know if the above describes how some might feel or how i would like my MM to feel if we ever part. I too would love some xMM views. edit: i meant ex-on having an affair MM Edited August 27, 2010 by Capris
piscis Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 hello september!!! I met my MM at work a couple of months after that while we were just friends he ended his 10 year R with OW and he was devasteted looking for answers, very depressed, I can not tell you if this is completly true but he told me they had to end the R because she was ready to leave her H for him but he could not leave his little daughter so as much as he was sad and depressed he knew he did the right thing and that gave him a lo of peace. After a year we started our R. So, for what I saw with him, he was sad but in his mind leaving was never an option so he felt like he did the right thing by syating home. I think they feel sad becasue the r is over but as they are not willing to leave they will tell to theirselves that it was over abd that was nothing they could do about it.
herenow Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 IMO if a man's mind is set on being with a woman he loves, then that is what he will do. A MM who has a affair only has one thing on his mind and that is himself. So, what is on his mind is him doing exactly what he wants. If he wanted to be with the OW, he would. If he stays, it's because that is what he wants to do. IMO, men who have affairs are not ones to sacrifice what they want. This idea that these men are doing anything "sake of all except yourself" or there is "nothing they could do about it" sounds silly when they are already doing exactly what they want without regard for who they may hurt including the BW, OW and/or their kids.
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