How do I tell him I dont like flying?

[mercedesgirl]

Hi, I have just started dating a wonderful guy. I have known him for years but we have only just started going out together. I asked him to send me a picture and he sent me one when he was on holidays last year. He said, he'll take me there next year!!!!! How do I tell him that I hate flying, havent flown for over 20 years, and Im not sure that I could do it to be honest. He was so excited to think we could go away together that Im scared to tell him that it is a problem for me. I have other things that make me anxious, like driving through tunnels, going on trains and lifts, do I tell him all these and get them off my chest?

 

I know you'll say that if he cares he'll understand blah, blah blah, just need to know whether its best to come clean now?

[kickintheaz]

 

I know you'll say that if he cares he'll understand blah, blah blah, just need to know whether its best to come clean now?

 

Absolutely... none of these are particular dealbreakers for guys, but whats the harm in holding back with them?

 

you never know, he may know others with similar phobias and be able to help!!!..

 

tell him... be honest and upfront... don't make a big deal of it with a 'we have to talk' speech.. just drop it into conversation.. easy peasy! he won't think less of you.. its all about getting to know one another.. next time he mentions flying anywhere just say you actually are 'afraid of that'...

 

you'll be fine Merc...

[TaraMaiden]

Why not overcome the fear? Talk to a psychologist about controlling the fear effectively, maybe look at hypnosis. Also, I hear a homeopathic remedy has been very effective in helping those who fear flying. Think of taking the Bach Rescue Remedy too...

 

See a professional. I had a desperate phobia once upon a time. I still have the fear, but I can control it. It doesn't Control ME.

 

It's a common fear, and nobody's going to laugh at you. My partner has the same fear, and he's pretty well together about it, though sometimes he still cuts off the circulation in my fingers when he holds my hand.....!

Edited August 27, 2010 by TaraMaiden

[tman666]

First of all, I would be honest and up front with him about your fear. However there are several things you can do to possibly help. There are meds you can take to help mellow you out on a flight. I really like TaraMaiden's suggestion of hypnosis. Also, try to sit in a isle seat located over the wings. Theoretically, you should experience less movement than in other parts of the plane.

 

If you are able to overcome this fear, you'll be opening a new door to freedom of movement that is otherwise impossible to achieve.

[Pink Cupcakes]

I don't think you should tell him yet because you have just started dating. When he stated "I will take you to XXX wonderful place, we'll have a wonderful time together"....he may have been facetious. Who knows if next year you will still be together.

 

If he suggests something more in the near future (like within the next few weeks and is solid about actually booking plane tickets, etc.) then tell him.

"Next year" is very vague. Guys tend to say things like that when they first start dating a girl, especially when you've had sex. Deep down he knows you might not be together, but he is trying to impress you and keep you interested at this point.

 

If you broach the topic of your feelings on flying, reality might hit him internally (that you are "calling him" on his "offer" to take a trip with you somewhere) and he might bolt or become distant.

[Cee]

I have a mild case of agoraphobia and I battled my fears a little at a time. Initially, I went into cognitive behavioral therapy & then worked on it on my own. I do rely on sedation for certain things like flying. Pretty much I feel like a regular person, but I need extra help.

 

Flying is a tough phobia because you can't do it a little bit at a time. I flew for the first time in 5 years this summer. I swore I would never fly & I can't believe I did it. I was mildly sedated for the trip. Being in a plane gave me the most amazing feeling of accomplishment. I nearly cried with joy.

 

I think it would be good to tell your boyfriend, but he may or may not be helpful. Some people in my life have helped me overcome my fears. Some people have allowed me to avoid things, which didn't help me get better. But in the end, I did it myself. I traveled by myself & I was alone on the plane, which I liked better because I don't like people see me panic.

 

Last thing: there's a lot of online support for anxiety/panic/phobia. My favorite site is Panic Survivor. The discussion forum is really friendly and there are a lot of recovered people on there. Good luck

[TaurusTerp]

As long as you're not a pain in the ass if HE wants to fly somewhere, I dont see how this would be a dealbreaker.

[Star Gazer]

I dont see how this would be a dealbreaker.

 

It would be a major dealbreaker for me, because world travel is something I absolutely must experience with my partner.

[Stung]

It would be a major dealbreaker for me, because world travel is something I absolutely must experience with my partner.

 

I have to admit, it would be a big problem for me, too. I LOVE to travel, I need it in my bones, if I stay in one place too long I am consumed with an almost painful wanderlust. And I wouldn't want to have to do all my traveling for the rest of my life by myself, instead of getting to share adventures with my partner and our family. It might not be a dealbreaker for him--and of course it wouldn't be for a LOT of people--but it could be a big deal.

 

I had a fear of driving, and had to work very hard to overcome it to improve my quality of life. It's still hard for me honestly and I drive only when I have to, but I am so glad I don't have to drag my kids and all the baby junk around on the buses all the time. My best friend developed a fear of flying when she was in really heavy turbulence, but she has always been a world traveler and she went into therapy to overcome her anxiety so she would not be limited.

 

You can do the same. And won't it feel better to tell him you're going to work on your fear and overcome it, than to just tell him you're crippled by it?

[SadandConfusedWA]

This would be a major deal breaker for me. I love to travel and I enjoy flying....Same as a partner who hates the beach and swimming (or can't swim). I practically live on the beach during summer.

 

BUT it may not be as important to your guy.

[mercedesgirl]

Thanks for all your replies and opinions. Today we were chatting and the conversation just led into talking about holidays and flying and thats when I said, I dont like flying! He said oh I dont enjoy it either but I get through it so I can go abroad. We were also talking about driving and I then said that I drive a certain way to avoid driving through the tunnel.

 

It felt so good that I had told him about these things (all be it not in depth) , but I feel that I could easily bring up the subject again and not feel worried.

 

Thanks again