The lies

[Capris]

Well one thing i hate is lying.

I specially cant understnad the so small ones.

I recently caught and confronted my MM with a lie he told me, more like half a lie, which are worst. It was about a common friend knowing of us or not.

he kept changing his story.

I asked him how does he expect me to believe him if he keeps changing his story? Anyways bottom line is this: i trust him but i can not believe him. Ever felt like that?

 

Like if my life was depending on him i would trust him till death but i cant believe his words. He lies about the smallest things too. The other night a friend of ours told me he erased a certain girl from his fb account (total b**ch) and i was happy about it, so he immediantly said he did it too. I believed him well cause it really didnt matter if he did or not. I logged on facebook just browsing and i found out he hadnt erased her. Or the other day he told me "i keep sending you emails but you dont check them". No email what so ever.

 

Why does he lie like this? A friend told me plain and simple "well cause he is used to it." Im serisouly checking out mental health sites about personality disorders to figure this out. He really is a good person but i think he is caught up with all the lying and "being" a different person just to please others than himself that he is confused alot more than i am. I dont know if he knows he is lying.

Id like to know if someone has ever met someone like this, and im not looking for the cheater-lier answer, again thats too easy.

[TaraMaiden]

Well one thing i hate is lying.

I specially cant understnad the so small ones.

I recently caught and confronted my MM with a lie he told me, more like half a lie, which are worst. It was about a common friend knowing of us or not.

he kept changing his story.

I asked him how does he expect me to believe him if he keeps changing his story? Anyways bottom line is this: i trust him but i can not believe him. Ever felt like that?

 

Like if my life was depending on him i would trust him till death but i cant believe his words. He lies about the smallest things too. The other night a friend of ours told me he erased a certain girl from his fb account (total b**ch) and i was happy about it, so he immediantly said he did it too. I believed him well cause it really didnt matter if he did or not. I logged on facebook just browsing and i found out he hadnt erased her. Or the other day he told me "i keep sending you emails but you dont check them". No email what so ever.

 

Why does he lie like this? A friend told me plain and simple "well cause he is used to it." Im serisouly checking out mental health sites about personality disorders to figure this out. He really is a good person but i think he is caught up with all the lying and "being" a different person just to please others than himself that he is confused alot more than i am. I dont know if he knows he is lying.

Id like to know if someone has ever met someone like this, and im not looking for the cheater-lier answer, again thats too easy.

 

Lying is lack of self-confidence. He says things to reassure you that he's reliable and trustworthy, because he believes the truth would make him go down in your estimation. Trouble is, when a lair is trying to build themselves up in this way, they don't superficially realise it's having the opposite effect. Yet deep down, they are kicking themselves because they realise this dishonesty is killing them.

 

Tell him to wear a rubber band round his wrist.

Tell him that every time he feels like telling a fib, he has to snap it, and say out loud - "I'm sorry, I was about to tell you a lie, I apologise. The truth is...<insert truth here>".

 

Problem is, one thing liars hate is being caught out and held to task. It's a defence mechanism. So you need to find neutral territory, and approach him gently. Tell him you love him with all your heart, and while you trust him with your life, all this petty white-lying is cutting you up and disappointing you. You feel belittled that he's treating you like a moron and telling you stuff you already know isn't true, or that a bit of checking up will expose.

 

How's that so far?

[Capris]

Lying is lack of self-confidence. He says things to reassure you that he's reliable and trustworthy, because he believes the truth would make him go down in your estimation. Trouble is, when a lair is trying to build themselves up in this way, they don't superficially realise it's having the opposite effect. Yet deep down, they are kicking themselves because they realise this dishonesty is killing them.

 

Well that is on spot. In public he shows a full confident man, when we are alone he shows his insecurities.

 

Tell him to wear a rubber band round his wrist.

Tell him that every time he feels like telling a fib, he has to snap it, and say out loud - "I'm sorry, I was about to tell you a lie, I apologise. The truth is...<insert truth here>".

 

 

Problem is, one thing liars hate is being caught out and held to task. It's a defence mechanism. So you need to find neutral territory, and approach him gently. Tell him you love him with all your heart, and while you trust him with your life, all this petty white-lying is cutting you up and disappointing you. You feel belittled that he's treating you like a moron and telling you stuff you already know isn't true, or that a bit of checking up will expose.

 

How's that so far?

 

Yeah neutral territory may help, last time i tried at my house and he went almost running out the door.

I want to show him how i feel about him. I am not like most of the people he deals with. Im not saying i am special in some way, im just not the person that needs to be lied to. I can handle the truth on small and big lies. He doesnt seem to understand that im guessing cause he has to live his way through life with lies.

I will try today to confront him with his lying, not the lies themselves. I hope i have good news to post tomorrow, they will be

interesting at least.

[TaraMaiden]

(I hate the word 'liars'. I always type it as 'lairs'. Same a 'from' comes out as 'form'...both missed by spellchecker because they're both legit words!!)

 

Anyway.....

 

Hold his hands. Be gentle. Reassure him.

 

I'm not saying this for you to appease him and make him think "I could lie to this girl and she will forgive me for ever! Yay me!"

 

I too, hate liars. But there's always an underlying psychological reason. On the one hand you need to show him that you love him, you're compassionate and you want to be there for him. But on the other, you have to show him that you see why he's doing it, but unless he can begin to implement a remedy for himself - it's going to eventually lead to being a deal-breaker.

 

How does he feel about that?

[Capris]

(I hate the word 'liars'. I always type it as 'lairs'. Same a 'from' comes out as 'form'...both missed by spellchecker because they're both legit words!!)

 

Anyway.....

 

Hold his hands. Be gentle. Reassure him.

 

I'm not saying this for you to appease him and make him think "I could lie to this girl and she will forgive me for ever! Yay me!"

 

I too, hate liars. But there's always an underlying psychological reason. On the one hand you need to show him that you love him, you're compassionate and you want to be there for him. But on the other, you have to show him that you see why he's doing it, but unless he can begin to implement a remedy for himself - it's going to eventually lead to being a deal-breaker.

 

How does he feel about that?

 

This is are some real nice advice you are giving me and i am thankful.

I've always been kind and gentle with his feelings and rights. I never wanted to "change" him and he gives me credit for that , alot. He says though that i have changed him and i dont know it. He says i made him a better person in many ways. The lie thing is the one i do want to change about him and not for my own comfort but first of all for his.

 

I love him for what he is but the lies are ruining his life. If he would stop lying things would be much better for him, i have tried to tell this to him in different ways that didnt work. Or maybe did work according to what he says about me.

 

Anyways im getting off subject. To get back on i have to say if i confront him of his lying, one responce from him would be "i know im lying but it makes everyone happy so why is it bad?"

He has a whole theory about lying so my statement on not knowing he is lying is not that accurate after all.

He says that for a lie to be a lie it depends on what you want to believe in.

To make it clear: if i tell a lie it would only make me a liar if you dont believe me. That is so confusing,manipulating and honestly i dont know how he isnt stressed out of all the lying. Or maybe his depression is because of all of it?