sarah42 Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 I posted a message earlier this week regarding my ex finishing with me. I am very grateful for your replies, but I'm really, really struggling. I'm trying so hard to get a grip and look after myself but it feels like things just aren't getting any better. I despise him for what he's done to me but at the same time I love him so much and just want him back. It feels like he's moved on and living a happy life while I'm suffering big time. God help me, I feel like ending it all.
jester Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Alright, Sarah, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I know it feels like the end of your world but it's not. Believe me, it's not. All of us have been where you are now. Heck, I was there some months ago. But we all eventually climb out of that blackest pit and breath the fresh air and enjoy the sun once again. Time is the great healer. Friends, loved ones and this LoveShack community are here for you. I'm here for you. And i f you feel particularly depressed call your doctor, or visit your clinic, and perhaps he or she will prescribe medication to get you through these blackest days. Your mind and emotions will recover from this ordeal. A year from now you'll look back and ask yourself, "Why was I feeling so bad?" You'll think about this while you get yourself ready to go out with your new boyfriend.
Arabess Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 It's only been a week Sarah....it takes longer than that to get over a broken heart. It won't hurt as much as it does right now for very long. That first couple of weeks is excruciating! Almost everyone in here has went thru the very same feelings at one time or another. It's like a horrible flu and everything hurts. The good news is....you will get past it. It may seem like the end of the world but it isn't. Hating him and loving him at the same time is normal. They are so closely related while you struggle to figure out what went terribly wrong. A wise poster in here once wrote: Hate is not the opposite of love....indifference is the opposite of love. (Thanks Moimeme!) That really turned my own heart around. I realized as long as I hated him....I still loved him. I was determined to get over it and began working on NOT hating him. That's when my true healing came. You will get to the point of making the same decision. Just not today. For today, all you can do is try to find other things to do...go to a movie....hang out with some friends...post....whatever it takes to get you thru it. Each day will get easier. I promise!!!! However, if you really feel the depression is bigger than you are....call a friend, family member or a help hot line.
Durden Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Dont do it sarah, ive just gone through hell. My ex finished with me, I thought my whole world had ended. Its been over a month now, I'm still hurting but not as bad. IT does get better trust me. Nobody is worth ending your life for. Just try to keep yourself occupied, sitting indoors wont help. If you feel really bad then go to the doctors. Dont neglect yourself either. Make sure you eat properly as well, you starve your stomach, you starve your mind. Keep posting here as lots of ppl on here helped me when i was feeling low.
prettyconfused Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 Each new day is a challange isnt it? I so know how you feel. I know its not much of good advice but keep coming here an posing how you feel. When I feel down thats what I do. The people here are so genuine and have all been in a situation where your are. These guys are great. We all have to move on...its just part of life. It sucks doesnt it? But you will be ok...we all will be...sooner or later.
monkey Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 It's so hard but strength & wisdom you will gain from this, it's mabe not what you need to hear, but it does. Indifference being the opposite of love is true in someways i feel, but the reason people initially get together & go on that second & third etc etc date is because you enjoy each others company & share things in common, like me & my s/o enjoyed the outdoors & views on life & all seemed perfect, it's only over time that other little things come out that cause friction, sometimes needless & these escalate into rows & we tend to then find opertunities to row. This is the sad thing, the taking of things for granted. Each day should be treated like the first date.
jmargel Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 Sarah don't end it. I was sucidal when my ex left me, I had it planned out. Not even the thought of my family and my small nieces who adored me could stop me from doing it. I never knew how someone could be so selfish to end it when you have loving family around until I saw from their own eyes. Its devestating, and all hope & thoughts of trust are gone. Its like you don't want to give anymore because nothing gets appreciated. You go through the same stages of someone dying as you do in losing a long term relationship. I mean the other person is living, but its like they are dead. Everything you have is gone. This is what you will go through: Death of a spouse or breakup of a marriage or long-term relationship can trigger similar responses in a person. Each person mourns a loss differently. However, there are 5 common stages of grief a person goes through when mourning the loss of a relationship. These were adapted from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, 'On Death and Dying' You may not experience these stages in one fluid order. You may go through some of the stages more than once. Sometimes an event will trigger you to experience one of these stages again. For instance, cleaning out the basement and finding an old shirt of your deceased spouse or hearing your ex-partner is to remarry might cause reoccurrence of certain stages. The five stages of grief are: 1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage. This stage is filled with disbelief and denial. If your partner has died you still expect him to walk through the door. If your partner has asked for a break-up you think that she will change her mind. 2.Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage. Anger at the situation, your partner and others are common. You are angry with the other person for causing the situation and for causing you pain. You might feel anger at your deceased partner for dying. You may feel anger at your partner for asking for a divorce and breaking up the family. 3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage. You try to negotiate to change the situation. If you’ve lost a spouse to death you might bargain with God, "I’ll be a better person if you’d just bring him back". You might approach your partner who is asking for the break-up and say "If you’ll stay I’ll change". 4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage. You realize the situation isn’t going to change. The death or break-up happened and there is nothing to bring the other person back. Acknowledgement of the situation often bring depression. This could be a quiet, withdrawn time as you soak in the situation. 5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage. Though you haven’t forgotten what happened you are able to begin to move forward. Thing is you may be within' two stages at once during some point of time. Also there is no time table to this, it all depends on the person. People like you with big hearts might take longer to reach stage 5. Its not fun to go through and you aren't the blame for what happened (at least not all, I dont know your situation). During this you need to do the following: Nurture yourself. You need to care for your spiritual, emotional and physical health. No one else will do it but you. Take care of yourself as well as you take care of your child. Eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself as much time as you need to adjust to what has happened. There's nothing wrong with greiving and taking things at your own pace. But it is probably better to not have contact with him, otherwise the healing process will take longer to start. Hang in there it DOES get better Trust me!
overseas2004 Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 we broke up a few weeks ago. I finally decided to take mild sedatives. It works like a charm.. I don't reccomend though that you do this for really long. But it has really helped me work and function.
meanon Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 When you feel like this you need to find ways to increase your ability to cope. Be with people you can talk to or who can provide some comfort. Be reassured that how you are feeling is entirely normal but that this stage of absolute despair will pass soon. If you are simply unable to go on, get help quickly. If getting through the night is a particular problem, do visit your doctor who will be able to prescribe you something to help you sleep. You will come through this and be a stronger person for it. I do so hope you are feeling better soon - post again when you need to.
Arabess Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 THANKS Jmargel.....that was great! It's absolutely true too.
Hendrix Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Hate is not the opposite of love....indifference is the opposite of love thats actually really good heh
pinkroses Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 I had a harsh e-mail from and suspicions that my ex bf is back with his ex all in one day this week. I feel traumatized, disgusted and like my heart has been ripped out and torn up. I just know that when I've felt like this in the past, each day gets a little easier. The pain that has you out of your mind and ill one day, begins fading a little at a time, much like physical pain. Although I would prefer physical pain any day. I wish there were answers to why people can change so fast or be so cruel or sabotage their own lives...even willingly.
UCFKevin Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 You would really want to kill yourself over a guy? Think about how your family and friends would feel. Think about how let down and saddened and disgusted they would be. If you kill yourself, it doesn't just affect YOU, it affects MANY people around you. Many people that love you. No one is worth suicide. No one. Do you think a part of you is thinking this suicide thing because you know it'll devastate your ex? It'll make him feel horrible? I'm not sure if you're religious or not, if you buy into that stuff, but people who commit suicide spend their existence in eternal damnation. Not exactly worth it, is it?
Dixiecron Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Sarah, This is the time when you will discover just how strong you really are. Anyone who would hurt you like this person has is not worth your own life. Had my mother chosen wrong, I cannot say where (or even if) I would exist right now. What -IS- worth your life is a man that you will meet in the future. I don't know his name and I can't tell you what he looks like, but he is alive right now, breathing, and wondering where the hell you are. You probably haven't met him yet. He will love you more than you could believe anyone could love you, and you will feel the same about him. If you need to crawl on your hands and knees with your guts hanging out to get through this and get to him, then that it what you must do. Pinkroses, I just had a similar thing happen to me. Funny thing is, a week later I feel like a new man, or maybe just the person I really was all along, just with fewer extraneous bits in my heart, head, whatever. Here's hoping that your recent troubles have triggered the final storm that brings you to a new place that is unfamiliar yet beautiful all the same.
Mollyanna Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Originally posted by sarah42 It feels like he's moved on and living a happy life while I'm suffering big time. God help me, I feel like ending it all. Sarah, I know just how you feel hon. My boyfriend left my bed on Tuesday morning, kissed me goodbye and sometime while he was at work decided to break up with me. About a half hour ago, one of my friends calls me from the bar we all hang out in, and says that my ex is there. (God that just hurt to say ex for the first time!) I immediately started crying again. I mean, how can he be out having a good time with our mutual friends while I have been in bed sick and crying for 2 days?!? I know exactly how you feel. As for ending it all, let me tell you a story... A little over 10 years ago, when I was 20 years old, I took a bunch of pills and tried to kill myself - over a guy. Believe me, before that I thought what everyone else has been saying - that you have to be selfish and stupid to do something like that to people you care about. My own parents and friends yelled at me afterwards about that too. But when you are severely depressed, you don't care or you rationalize that everyone will be better off without having to deal with you and your drama anymore. REMEMBER THAT! I still have suicidal thoughts when things like this happen to me - but I remember that these feelings will subside and that I tried to rationalize it before and it made good sense then to me - but not later. I remember that I didn't have a clear head then and probably don't anytime that I am suicidal. Then I get help. Yes right now I feel like it isn't worth it to feel this pain over and over again in my life - and this time is the worst. But as my mother told me this morning, I am one of the strongest people she has ever met because I have had to go through so many bad things in my life and yet I still come back for more. And each time I really think I am a little bit stronger and more capable of dealing with hurt. Hopefully you will find this comforting and as everyone phrases it to me "don't do anything stupid". Yes this hurts like hell for all of us going through this right now. And I am scared of what tomorrow will be like - but I know that it has to be better than today. And each day will get better if I let it. It will for you also. Please believe that. Take care of yourself.
Darkangelism Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 You wil be ok, it just takes time I know it hurts and you think that ending it will stop the pain, but it ont, it would only cause pain for your family. But soon enough you will start feeling better and wll be able to go find a new guy that will be good to you, it just means that he isnt the one for you.
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