amythan Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hi, We used to be FWB for several months. I liked him very much but he was always clear about this going nowhere. He is very sweet and affectionate and he is always saying we are good friends (even if I do not think we are friends). Last time we spoke was two weeks ago, then I texted him but I got no reply. He is on holiday though. This week I knew I am pregnant and I am sure he is the father as I was just sleeping with him. I do not want to keep it. I am sure. But I do not want to tell anyone and at the same time I do not want to go through all this alone. But sometimes I think he would be with me because he is traped but not because he really cares about me. I feel very sad, confused and scared. Should I tell him ? Thanks for your advise, I don't really know what to do.
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hi, We used to be FWB for several months. I liked him very much but he was always clear about this going nowhere. He is very sweet and affectionate and he is always saying we are good friends (even if I do not think we are friends). Last time we spoke was two weeks ago, then I texted him but I got no reply. He is on holiday though. This week I knew I am pregnant and I am sure he is the father as I was just sleeping with him. I do not want to keep it. I am sure. But I do not want to tell anyone and at the same time I do not want to go through all this alone. But sometimes I think he would be with me because he is traped but not because he really cares about me. I feel very sad, confused and scared. Should I tell him ? Thanks for your advise, I don't really know what to do. Here's what you do. You contact him. You very matter-of-factly tell him that you are pregnant, you are sure he had something to do with it - but that you are in no position to keep it, and you intend to abort. Would he be supportive and at least come with you to go through with this? Look, if he's responsible, the least he could do is see it through with you. I'm not even going to go on the moral ethical obligation, what ifs, and yes buts. It's happened, you are decided on your course of action. All I know, is that if it was me, I'd want to know. You need a bit of a shoulder right now, and frankly, if you're both adult enough to ball without the chain, then you should both be in a position to face up to it, and deal with this together. Just my view.
LondonS Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Here's what you do. You contact him. You very matter-of-factly tell him that you are pregnant, you are sure he had something to do with it - but that you are in no position to keep it, and you intend to abort. Would he be supportive and at least come with you to go through with this? Look, if he's responsible, the least he could do is see it through with you. I'm not even going to go on the moral ethical obligation, what ifs, and yes buts. It's happened, you are decided on your course of action. All I know, is that if it was me, I'd want to know. You need a bit of a shoulder right now, and frankly, if you're both adult enough to ball without the chain, then you should both be in a position to face up to it, and deal with this together. Just my view. I agree with this post.. you say he is your friend so he should be supportive to the very least and if he doesnt than I am not sure if you should be "friends" with him regardless of the benefits..
Cracker Jack Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Definitely tell him. You should never face this alone. The least he can do is support you in whatever you choose to proceed with. I hope things go well for you.
alexlakeman Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Tell him.. you are the one going through it alone.. He was part of the situation.. he should support you through it. Also, thinkg of putting up for adoption option.. good luck
Lorelai Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hi, We used to be FWB for several months. I liked him very much but he was always clear about this going nowhere. He is very sweet and affectionate and he is always saying we are good friends (even if I do not think we are friends). Last time we spoke was two weeks ago, then I texted him but I got no reply. He is on holiday though. This week I knew I am pregnant and I am sure he is the father as I was just sleeping with him. I do not want to keep it. I am sure. But I do not want to tell anyone and at the same time I do not want to go through all this alone. But sometimes I think he would be with me because he is traped but not because he really cares about me. I feel very sad, confused and scared. Should I tell him ? Thanks for your advise, I don't really know what to do. I've been in a very similar situation. I knew there was absolutely no way I could face it alone, and at the time my mother was having mental health difficulties so even if I wanted to tell her, I couldn't. I told him, and I told him what my decision was about the pregnancy. I chose abortion. I was on some medication I could not stop taking for my health, and I knew that it was contraindicated is pregnancy -- so my decision was pretty straightforward. He was supportive and took me to the clinic, although I paid for it myself. I honestly think you should tell him. I'm not sure if your decision will be abortion or adoption -- but either way you are going to need support to deal with this. And you did not get pregnant all by yourself. One other thing I do recommend you do, after you deal with the current reality, is examine your current safer-sex strategy -- it was a wake-up call for me about my own sexual behavior (I was drunk and didn't realize he was about to enter until it was too late -- I had brought a condom, and when I nearly screamed "Not without a condom!" it ... well, scared it right out of him... it had been a *very* long time for him) and a wake-up call for him as well. We were not regular FWBs -- it was an ex that I was still friends with. When we'd been together, I'd been on the Pill, and we didn't discuss whether I still was or not before we had sex. I learned drunk sex was not a good thing, he learned condoms *were* a good thing. We both learned that the morning-after pill doesn't always work. As awful as this is for you right now sweetie, an unplanned pregnancy isn't the worst thing that can result from sex.... and please don't take this as a judgmental lecture, as I said, I've been right where you are. But I watched my father die last summer after 17 years of living with HIV. And I'll get off my soapbox now. Hugs to you, and I wish you the best in whatever decision you make....
O'Malley Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 If you feel you want to tell him, then follow TaraMaiden's suggestion. There's no right or wrong decision here, only the one that is healthiest for your overall state of mind and life. Hopefully he will step up to the plate and be there for you. Do you have a trusted friend or family member that you could discuss this with as well?
Author amythan Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Thanks for your msgs. I will tell him, I just wanted things to be different .... I cannnot tell to anyone else and we do not live in the same town so I will do everything alone anyway. But I would feel better if I could talk to him at least to explain to someone what is going on.
Cobra_X Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Thanks for your msgs. I will tell him, I just wanted things to be different .... I cannnot tell to anyone else and we do not live in the same town so I will do everything alone anyway. But I would feel better if I could talk to him at least to explain to someone what is going on. Is there any chance he may want to keep the baby? That would be the only complication I can foresee.
sagetalk Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Also, think of putting up for adoption option.. good luck This x10,000.
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