I LOVE one of my best friends but

[Not the love ace]

Sometimes she can be a pain unintentionally and I sometimes I feel like she's takes advantage of me in a way. For example, every time we go out late at night, I either get her a cab home (which I've been paying for most the time) or I walk her home. I don't mind but lately we've been going out very late at night and each time we go out to a bar or dance club I end up protecting and watching over her most of the time because a lot of guys try and hit on her.

 

Again, it's not a problem that I have but sometimes I feel like it hinders me because she has a boyfriend and not even her boyfriend spends time with her like I do. Every time her and I go out, she wants me to pick her up, protect her and drop her home. It hinders me because I feel that when we go out to a dance club and what not and I'm mingling with other women and dancing with them, she's always calling for me to get some guy away from her that's creeping on her, which makes me drop what I have to do.

 

It bothers me because I'm single, not her boyfriend and at the end of the day she gets to go home and be with her man and do the things that couples do. Me on the other hand, I go home usually with no numbers, no women, no action because I am watching over her. I am flattered that she trust me and that she doesn't rely on any other guy friends that she knows besides me. It makes me feel like I mean a lot to her and for that I am appreciative and flattered.

 

However, it really does kill me sometimes because she expects SO much from me when we go out. She expects me to be her bodyguard and not only do I watch over her, but I watch over the other ladies we go out with. Most the other ladies have boyfriends are guys they can mingle with and at the end of the day go home and "do-the-do". I can't help but be protective of the women I go out on the town with and be chivalric because that's the way I am by nature and what I was taught.

 

However, I have to say its kind of taking a toll on me always playing bodyguard while all the other ladies go out and have a blast when I am hanging out with the women. Then the moment I don't want to constantly watch over them, I get crapped on.

 

I'm not saying that there needs to be a pay-off between my best friend and I but I just feel that if she's always afraid to be going out late at night without someone always watching over her and taking her to and fro, then she shouldn't always be going out late at night.

 

Tomorrow, I was invited out by some friends of mine and most the people going out are dating/messing/going out. So basically I can expect them to have fun and of course I will but my best friend wants to go and her boyfriend is not going. This leaves me with either having to pick her up from home, go to our friends house to pre-game, then head out, then drop her home most likely very late in the AM by public transportation no less.

 

What kills me is that she REFUSES to go if I can't pick her up from her house or drop her off and I know if she finds out that if I go without her that she'll be pretty bummed and even disappointed in me. Which I don't want her to be. I'm not saying that I'll be getting women left and right without her by my side, or that she's ruining "my game" or that I'll even get "any" tomorrow night if we go out. Most likely I'll go home without any action whatsoever but I just am not in the mood to drop her off late at night because the next day I must get up early afternoon and do things and me and her live a good distance apart.

 

She'll understand me but I'll just feel bad. I don't know what the heck to do:(

 

Any advice?

[snowbell]

Honestly, I would simply modify this post so it's directed at her with some additional "I love hanging out with you, don't get me wrong!" codas. You stated your concern quite well and in a non-offensive way. If I were to read this directed at me, I wouldn't take issue with it.

 

Even if you're uncomfortable with telling her what you wrote here, go ahead and take action. If she keeps refusing to go out without you picking her up, just tell her you hope she can make it anyway. As long as you continue to play to her demands, you're just enabling her misplaced dependency on you.

[Minnie09]

Sounds like you have a major crush on her and she knows that, knows exactly what she's doing and takes advantage of you, because you let her.

Paying for her cab rides? WTF?

Where's her BF in all that? Does he know that you're always around?

[Not the love ace]

Sounds like you have a major crush on her and she knows that, knows exactly what she's doing and takes advantage of you, because you let her.

Paying for her cab rides? WTF?

Where's her BF in all that? Does he know that you're always around?

 

Her boyfriend and I are actually great friends and I honestly don't have a major crush on her but I see where you're coming from with that because it can seem that way. He's fully aware that I'm always around and trust her around me and vice versa.

[Not the love ace]

Okay, here's an update:

 

I told her that I feel she takes advantage of me in certain ways and that she doesn't understand that I have a long way home to go myself, that I have a long way from work back to the city to go out and I also told her VERY, VERY politely that if she doesn't feel safe being out in any area she shouldn't be out at all.

 

I told her that I will definitely protect her front and center if any harm is done to her. However, she doesn't seem to get it.

 

She tells me "First off, I invited you (I was invited by BOTH her and my other friend) and thought you would do me the favor of picking me up". Which kind of got me upset so I told her "So since you invited me, I'm now obligated to pick you up? I owe you something now? So if you didn't invite me, you wouldn't obviously care about me picking you up?" So she disputes that by saying that she never uses me and that the other women in our social circle always play me or use me (which isn't true because we MESS with each other and know what we're getting our self into) and that she prevents me from being hurt and looking like a fool.

 

When I know that all she really wants is for me NOT to hook up with our other friends for whatever reason. I told her politely again "What we do, is what we do. We're adults, why are you so concerned?". So she goes on and tries to put me on a guilt trip by saying "We talked so much **** about them yet you say I use you? And you want to go hang with them?". I tell her that right now they aren't involved in this and that I just feel how I feel.

 

She goes on to say "Well, if I was using or taking advantage of you, I wouldn't be calling or texting you off the hook. It shows that I care." Then she goes on to throw a bunch of things in my face like "I always invite you out, I always want you to come hang with me etc." Another thing is she invited ANOTHER guy friend of hers to go out. I asked her if he can go pick her up and meet up with her and bring her to the pregame but she "Doesn't trust him like she trust me."

 

I pretty much ignored her other text and phone calls because I got exasperated by her trying to throw example, of useless example at my face. Yet everything I've done for her is totally thrown out the window and forgotten. All the times she used to call me and vent to me morning, day and night about anything and everything in her life. All the times she used to ask me to go here and there with her, all the times I did go with her, bring her home, protect her, etc. COMPLETELY thrown out the window. ARGH! I feel like **** and now I don't even want to go out tonight.

 

Because I know she bitched about me to her friends and since most of them are women, they usually take each other side automatically because a women is never wrong in their eyes.

 

**** me and call me Sally. I'm all bent out of shape.

[green_tea]

I don't understand why she needs to be picked up and dropped home. Like you said you are all adults, plus she has a boyfriend who should be the one making sure she is ok. She sounds very self centred and childish.