straycat99 Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Hi, so here's the basic story. My ex and I had a really fun relationship, we were great buddies, he was easily my best friend. Unfortunately he totally screwed me over and broke up with me, told me to get over him and find someone else and that he didn't want to talk to me for a few months (while incidently he would be traveling the world SINGLE as a recent med school grad. Hmm...). Anyway, so while he was gone I took his advice and met someone else. So the ex came back some months later wanting to know if I had a boyfriend and I said yes. He seemed...pretty irritated but was like "well, I'd like to see you anyway, I miss your friendship" and I told him I thought that would be inappropriate. But he kept bugging to see me. Unfortunately my new boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago, and via text message I mentioned it in passing to my ex (who had been consistently texting me daily) and he seemed really happy about the break up. He asked if he could see me and I told him I'd be in his area the following weekend and that I'd drop by where ever he was to say hello. But I made it VERY clear it was not any kind of date, just a hi and bye. So I saw him, very, very briefly that weekend. I stopped by a bar he was at and said hello for literally 2 minutes (hi and bye) and then I left. Then he didn't text me for several days and I became...curious as to why he suddenly stopped talking to me. So I asked him what was up (via text) and he said he had just been really busy. The next day he called me and asked me out to dinner (not sure if he meant a date). However, I promised my most recent ex that I'd give him a ride home from the airport that night (I am still very good friends with my most recent ex, he's also my neighbor). Anyway, the ex-ex completely blew up when I told him, went really manic over the phone and hung up on me. A few days later I texted him asking if he was just BS-ing about wanting to be my friend again, because I didn't understand his behavior and he said "I hate it that you'd rather hang out with your ex than me. I still have feelings for you, I don't think I can do this. If I see you I can't control myself". And he left it at that. I told him I'd call him this week to talk to him about it, and he responded "ok" - but I haven't called him yet. OK - Should I call him at all? I mean, seriously. On the other hand, I do still have feelings for him too. But he screwed me over so bad, what's to say (and especially in conjunction with his recent behavior) that he wouldn't do it again? Anyway - any advice pls.
BiAxident Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hi, so here's the basic story. My ex and I had a really fun relationship, we were great buddies, he was easily my best friend. Unfortunately he totally screwed me over and broke up with me, told me to get over him and find someone else and that he didn't want to talk to me for a few months (while incidently he would be traveling the world SINGLE as a recent med school grad. Hmm...). What, exactly, was the nature of the breakup? I got back together as friends with an ex who left me -- she sucked me back into a relationship only to leave me when someone better came along. Proceed with caution, call him, but dont get into anything serious.
Author straycat99 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 The nature of the break up was that he had to go back to Chicago (from Los Angeles where I met him) to complete his last 3 months of medical school. And even though he was coming back to Los Angeles afterwards, we just couldn't hang with the long distance thing. But the break up was in limbo all the way up until the day before he was to leave on a two month trip to various countries with his guys friends before he had to start his residency. So clearly he wanted to be single to mess around with whom ever he met while on vacation. OK - that's fine. But it was the way he broke up with me - suddenly ignoring texts, forwarding my phone calls - the most inconsiderate and hurtful way to break up with somone (and basically the way my high school boyfriends would break up with me). I was suppose to call him last night but I opted to text him instead and I just told him how I really felt - that I'm just a means to an end for him, I'm tired of it and I don't want to waste my time talking about it, that when and if he feels like he wants to reciprocate a friendship, he can call me. If not, boohoo. Ciao. So he responded to that with "of course I want to be friends, blah blah..what are you doing this weekend..." I fell so hard for this guy, and he turned out to be such a relationship con-artist, I don't know if I can ever trust him again, even as a friend. I do have feelings for him still and I'm not sure what to do. But I CAN walk away completely, I've gotten enough space to have control overe that, thank god (I feel so, so bad for people who aren't there yet. It's a horrible stage in a break up). But a part of me does hope...I don't know, that's it not completely over. I don't really know what's best. Maybe no contact is best ultimately.
elow_IN _LOve Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hes playin you, maybe hell get laid out of it. Then move on again. Find a new BF
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 I really really hate people who has the audacity to raise the fingers when they're the ones with the problem. I don't see his charm, and neither should you after his behaviour. He has no right to dictate who you see or not see; besides, who is he to get upset since he was the one to walk away from the relationship first? Please, if he wants to be single to mingle, you're more than entitled to do the same. As if you were going to sit around and wait for him.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 The nature of the break up was that he had to go back to Chicago (from Los Angeles where I met him) to complete his last 3 months of medical school. And even though he was coming back to Los Angeles afterwards, we just couldn't hang with the long distance thing. But the break up was in limbo all the way up until the day before he was to leave on a two month trip to various countries with his guys friends before he had to start his residency. So clearly he wanted to be single to mess around with whom ever he met while on vacation. OK - that's fine. But it was the way he broke up with me - suddenly ignoring texts, forwarding my phone calls - the most inconsiderate and hurtful way to break up with somone (and basically the way my high school boyfriends would break up with me). I was suppose to call him last night but I opted to text him instead and I just told him how I really felt - that I'm just a means to an end for him, I'm tired of it and I don't want to waste my time talking about it, that when and if he feels like he wants to reciprocate a friendship, he can call me. If not, boohoo. Ciao. So he responded to that with "of course I want to be friends, blah blah..what are you doing this weekend..." I fell so hard for this guy, and he turned out to be such a relationship con-artist, I don't know if I can ever trust him again, even as a friend. I do have feelings for him still and I'm not sure what to do. But I CAN walk away completely, I've gotten enough space to have control overe that, thank god (I feel so, so bad for people who aren't there yet. It's a horrible stage in a break up). But a part of me does hope...I don't know, that's it not completely over. I don't really know what's best. Maybe no contact is best ultimately. You treat him how he has treated you. If he contacts, you ignore him. And while I don't openly advocate playing games, with this guy, if you feel the need to, you can tuck on his strings a little like dangling a yarn in front of a cat. Of course, if you do play, you're going to have be completely devoid of feelings towards him.
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