When you discover that you are not a "match made in heaven", what then?

[ingjerdj]

Hi...

 

my story:

 

Been in relationship for 4 years, two of those spent apart. Have become "bored" and sort of longing for "more". My boyfriend is very introvert and shy, and I like to go out and meet lots of new people and join students union activities etc.

 

My parents don't think my bf is right for me, because they don't think he's got enough backbone in terms of taking initiative and having a will of his own---- but he's the nicest guy ever, and I don't want to hurt him.

 

So I asked for break to think.... he cried for 2 days straight and could not understand why. I felt so sorry for him and was really affected by the strength of his emotions and ran right back. The next day I regretted doing that, and I think I did it to spare him for the pain (as well as my self). I went back home (we live in separate cities) and became physically sick for 2 weeks because of emotional stress. THEN I met this other guy which I went on 1 date with...a guy that in many ways would be more "right".... (made me realize that depending on who you are with, your life developes in different directions).

 

NOW, I am in complete doubt. My BF wants to visit me, and I don't want him to, I just want out (I think?). I have no idea how to tell him that, because we've been really close.

 

This time I can't pull that "space"/"need time to think" thingie... If I am to do it, it must be final, which makes it even harder, as I am confused about my own feelings....

 

How to do it nicely? Is discovering that you are not "perfect" for eachother a good enough reson for breaking up? How much should you care about what your parents/close friends think?

 

HELP!!!

[moimeme]

Is discovering that you are not "perfect" for each other a good enough reson for breaking up

 

It's unrealistic to expect to find anyone who is 'perfect', so no. However, if the prospect of a life without this bf doesn't fill you with sadness, then you robably don't care enough about him and should break up. The opinions of parents and close friends can be helpful, but in the end, any decision about your relationship should be yours alone.

[UCFKevin]

There IS no nice way of doing it. But if you do it, stick to it, don't let his crying change your mind, that'll make it worse for him and you as well.

 

Just do it. Be honest about it.

 

You should LISTEN to what your parents and friends think but you shouldn't make a decision BECAUSE of them, unless they know something you don't.

[morrigan]

You stated you are bored being with him. You are also interested in other guys.

 

Sorry, but even if the guy was St. Francis of Assisi, I still would advise you to break up with him, if that's what you feel you should do. It's not fair to him or to you to drag on a unhappy relationship. You can't prevent hurting his feels, but at least by being honest, you'll give him a chance in the future to be with someone who will enjoy being with him.

[ingjerdj]

Hi guys!

 

Thanks for some useful advise, I have now broken up with BF, and I hope he'll be fine about it in time, and not hate me for what I did.

 

As it turns out, almost all people I know have been through a couple of dead end long term relationships, and in the end having been together for a long time is not enough of a reason to stay together I guess.

 

I just hope now that I am able to stick with my decision, because I'm sure there will be times where I regret, at least in the beginning.... because it is so great to have someone around who loves you!

 

Well well.

 

Wish me luck