Ghosts

[Hazyhead]

I guess I need a bit of positivity. Recently I've been having dreams of xMM and they're breaking me all over again. This morning I woke up and the tears burst from me... suprising me really because I thought I was doing well. Hell, I was doing well - moving forward and thinking of him and the memories less but now the ghost of him and what we had when it was good - plus all the false promises are haunting me again.

 

I need to shake him. Again. I'm so annoyed with myself for these several steps back but I don't know why they've happened. Why has he come back to me like this?

 

Indulging the emotions I checked his Facebook account and start dwelling on what he's up to.

 

Urgh Somebody slap me.

[jj33]

Hey Hazy. Dreams are not unusual. I still get them from time to time (I know not so good after 3 years but do as I say not as I do!)

 

Ive been told that this is a GOOD thing. It means your subconscious is processing things. Clearing the decks and getting to grips with the repressed emotions relating to the break up.

 

So while its no fun to wake up in tears or have a "working night" of sleep, your brain is doing the work it needs to do. Its a positive. Better to process it than not.

 

And what a relief to wake up and find that you are not in the throws of the break up. You are 6 months post and doing great.

 

Big hugs and have a great day

 

jj

[White Flower]

Slap slap for checking the Facebook!

 

And now a hug.

 

Check out Dreammoods.com. There is a 'dream dictionary' where you click on the letter of the object you dream about such as L for lover. There are various scenarios to choose from and it is really interesting to see why we have such symbolic dreams. It may help you process some of the reasons you're having these dreams.

 

And I agree with JJ, it is quite normal. Every loss I had whether a breakup or a death of a parent I had dreams where the loved one visited me. Then the healing began.

 

Best,

WF.

[Hazyhead]

I never thought of it like that, that it could be a good thing, because it really doesn't feel like it. But I can see what you mean. I'll check out that site WF. I'm just feeling sorry for myself... thinking what's the point in all the progress if for no reason I can spring back again.

 

Thanks guys. It helps to think it's normal and it's not just me obsessing, which is what I was afraid of.

 

I just want to be free from it and sometimes having patience is hard.

[jj33]

It is hard I go through phases (had one a few weeks ago) where I dreamt of him for a few nights running. Its been so Just remember you did the best thing you could have done when you cut the cord on D day. You got the best of what there was to share and in time you will look back on the good memories without feeling the pain of the loss.

 

Big hugs

[Hazyhead]

It is hard I go through phases (had one a few weeks ago) where I dreamt of him for a few nights running. Its been so Just remember you did the best thing you could have done when you cut the cord on D day. You got the best of what there was to share and in time you will look back on the good memories without feeling the pain of the loss.

 

Big hugs

 

Thank you for the hugs JJ; you're right I suppose I still feel the pain of loss. Just gotta get through it... hopefully no more cartoon tears where they jump from my eyes filling the floor around me as I wail relentlessly.

 

Ok, I may exaggerate some, but I bet I'm not far from that.

 

Hugs back to you, JJ, you seem to be moving forward again. xx

[lilbunny]

I have all manner of crazy dreams. It wasn't that long ago a guy I was with for 5 and a half years popped up and I haven't seen him since Jan 2006! I am well and truly over him and I have to say it also included the cast of Rainbow (a kids show in the UK from the early 80s) and some vampires. (WF I don't think I dare try out your dream website, it might tell me I am certifiable based on that lot!)

 

I know it is hard when it is still raw and they can be an unwelcome reminder. Ok you peeked at facebook, but you didn't call or anything, so as slips go it isn't the end of the world.

 

There are always good days and bad getting through anything. Don't beat yourself up and remind yourself of all the steps you have made.

 

Take care.

[Silly_Girl]

See, Hazy my love? You're normal. You COULD be dreaming of George and Zippy and Bungle :laugh:

 

Seriously though, I am still doing some heavy processing from my relationship that ended early last year. And I consider it quite healthy. I even (dear god!!) sometimes miss things about him. Good. Proves I'm balancing, realigning myself and my mind's filing those thoughts and feelings in its own way.

 

Try not to worry too much about the dreams. You're not acting on them. You're crying, yes, but that's DEALING. That's ACKNOWLEDGING and being brave. If you bottle it all up, go in to denial, that's a worry. You're facing everything and should be really proud of yourself.

[White Flower]

See, Hazy my love? You're normal. You COULD be dreaming of George and Zippy and Bungle :laugh:

 

Seriously though, I am still doing some heavy processing from my relationship that ended early last year. And I consider it quite healthy. I even (dear god!!) sometimes miss things about him. Good. Proves I'm balancing, realigning myself and my mind's filing those thoughts and feelings in its own way.

 

Try not to worry too much about the dreams. You're not acting on them. You're crying, yes, but that's DEALING. That's ACKNOWLEDGING and being brave. If you bottle it all up, go in to denial, that's a worry. You're facing everything and should be really proud of yourself.

I totally agree with this, great post.

[piscis]

See, Hazy my love? You're normal. You COULD be dreaming of George and Zippy and Bungle :laugh:

 

Seriously though, I am still doing some heavy processing from my relationship that ended early last year. And I consider it quite healthy. I even (dear god!!) sometimes miss things about him. Good. Proves I'm balancing, realigning myself and my mind's filing those thoughts and feelings in its own way.

 

Try not to worry too much about the dreams. You're not acting on them. You're crying, yes, but that's DEALING. That's ACKNOWLEDGING and being brave. If you bottle it all up, go in to denial, that's a worry. You're facing everything and should be really proud of yourself.

 

 

100% right.

Be proud of yourself and let yourself cry and shake it out of your system.

You are doing well and I am happy for you to that

[BB07]

Hazy...........sending big ole hugs your way. (((((((()))))))))

 

Some days are just a bitch, this I know.

 

Hang in there girl and hang on to yourself.

[Hazyhead]

Thank you so much, guys, for your hugs and pick-me-ups. I read them yesterday but wanted to respond today when I was certain I'd be more positive. And I am. I've learned that it still hurts and I still feel so let down... but I am also so, so glad to be out of the situation and, with a clearer head I can look back and see his/our flaws... and there were many, despite how wonderful everything else was. I think that's maybe why the dreams - to force me to face reality. I don't know. He was not perfect and what we had was amazing but full time, with the stresses of the real world, would have been a struggle. Anyhooo! It matters not. The what-ifs do not serve me anymore.

 

So, I'm normal (well, with regards to this anyway). For what it's worth, lilbunny, the weirdness that was Rainbow, I'm not surprised they haunted your dreams! Many a freaky lil' children's character has popped into mine too... as well as some unsavouries (Sorry for going off topic, but just in relation to this, have you ever seen that YouTube clip with the double entendres and Rod, Jane and Freddy? You know, I might just take a look at that now for a well needed giggle!)

 

Thank you so much peeps It was just a moment and it did pass. Well, is passing anyway...

[White Flower]

Thank you so much, guys, for your hugs and pick-me-ups. I read them yesterday but wanted to respond today when I was certain I'd be more positive. And I am. I've learned that it still hurts and I still feel so let down... but I am also so, so glad to be out of the situation and, with a clearer head I can look back and see his/our flaws... and there were many, despite how wonderful everything else was. I think that's maybe why the dreams - to force me to face reality. I don't know. He was not perfect and what we had was amazing but full time, with the stresses of the real world, would have been a struggle. Anyhooo! It matters not. The what-ifs do not serve me anymore.

 

So, I'm normal (well, with regards to this anyway). For what it's worth, lilbunny, the weirdness that was Rainbow, I'm not surprised they haunted your dreams! Many a freaky lil' children's character has popped into mine too... as well as some unsavouries (Sorry for going off topic, but just in relation to this, have you ever seen that YouTube clip with the double entendres and Rod, Jane and Freddy? You know, I might just take a look at that now for a well needed giggle!)

 

Thank you so much peeps It was just a moment and it did pass. Well, is passing anyway...

Glad you're moving on and feeling better Hazy. Keep the dream dictionary in mind for next time. I feel it has really helped me deal with dreams after the death of my parents.

 

Hugs.

[Pink_orchid]

I think it's normal to have a hard time processing stuff and getting 'off' something you're pretty much addicted to, be it drink, drugs, chocolate or a man. And when you keep feelings locked up - you have to sometimes, just to keep it together - I think they come out in your dreams.

[Hazyhead]

Glad you're moving on and feeling better Hazy. Keep the dream dictionary in mind for next time. I feel it has really helped me deal with dreams after the death of my parents.

 

Hugs.

 

Its such an interesting site, WF; I'm glad you recommended it. I've also been using it with my little niece, whom has been having terrible nightmares, to help us break down hers. It's helping her (little science geek that she is ) that there's a rational explanation for such weird things.

 

I can imagine that after such a loss as you faced that the analysis can be invaluable. God, subconsciouses can be sad, scary places.

 

Hugs back to you - I hope you are doing ok x

[Hazyhead]

I think it's normal to have a hard time processing stuff and getting 'off' something you're pretty much addicted to, be it drink, drugs, chocolate or a man. And when you keep feelings locked up - you have to sometimes, just to keep it together - I think they come out in your dreams.

 

Thanks, PO. You're very right, there's a lot I had put away in my mind to avoid thinking about, trying to move on and all. Turns out that my usual trick of putting things away and never being able to find them again doesn't work up there.