backwardswalk Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 yes, this is a skumbag story & yes, i am the skumbag. i cheated on my boyfriend of over 3 years a few days back now. i kissed another guy. it wasn't long and it wasn't even enjoyable (probably cause i was **** hammered). the guy that i kissed is some one i've had i guess you would say, a "crush" on for awhile on and off? i always get like this, and usually it passes within a month or two. but in this case, i put myself in a bad situation being alone with this person thinking i was strong enough - and i wasn't. i was given advice to not tell my bf, if it didn't mean anything, so i made it clear to the guy that it did not mean anything, and planned on not telling - but couldn't stand a day of lying to him and told him what i did. he freaked out and called me every dirty word he knew would tear me up inside. & i don't blame him. i just sat there and took it. this isn't the first time i've cheated on him. when we first started going out within 3 months of on-again and off-again i (while ON again) had sex with another guy. but i thought i had honestly really grown up since then...apparently i haven't. i don't feel that i can even guarantee that it won't happen again. after all, i did promise him it would never happen again and here i ****ing am once again (though in a very less severe situation, all that really matters right now is the cheating part). after all the yelling and crying, we talked. he decided we are still together, but is still figuring out if he wants it to stay that way. i want to be with him, i know in my heart that i love him. i love him to death. the way it is when were not fighting is the most incredible feeling in the world. my family loves him, he treats me decently, and he's definitely good looking. we talked about marriage and adopting, and buying a house. we have..had..dreams. not to mention we already live together. now if we choose to overcome this, we must start back at square one. after this being said, i also get a strong feeling that he will take me back. and there will be conditions, and then in another 5 years this might happen again. i don't trust myself and i know he deserves better. he's stupid to stay with me, but i want him to so badly. unfortunately i'm starting to get the feeling that maybe hurting us both and breaking it off would be the best thing. i really don't want to, i ****ing love him, but i know he's not strong enough to break it off with me. should i try to make it work for the both of us? or end it?
PegNosePete Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 i know he's not strong enough to break it off with me. This is the key I feel. A relationship should never be based on need. You should never need your partner, you should choose to be with him. And the same applies to him, he should choose to stay with you, not need to stay with you, not "can't live without you", not "too scared to leave you", etc. That is no way to have a relationship. In the long run you will feel like he has settled for you out of fear of the unknown, rather than choosing to be with you. Maybe that is one reason you stray? He must have pretty low self-esteem, to allow you to cheat on him at the beginning and then you cheat again, you are very lucky not to be thrown straight out. If he were to come on these forums and tell us the same story form the other side, I guarantee every response would tell him to get rid of you. If you don't trust yourself to stay faithful then why should he trust you? Without trust the relationship will fail sooner or later. So you should end it sooner, it will be less painful all around.
Cobra_X Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 after all the yelling and crying, we talked. he decided we are still together, but is still figuring out if he wants it to stay that way. i want to be with him, i know in my heart that i love him. i love him to death. the way it is when were not fighting is the most incredible feeling in the world. my family loves him, he treats me decently, and he's definitely good looking. we talked about marriage and adopting, and buying a house. we have..had..dreams. not to mention we already live together. now if we choose to overcome this, we must start back at square one. 1. I don't understand why you do this. Being drunk doesn't explain it at all. What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? Maybe if you understand the root of your actions you will better be able to control them. Also it will give your BF a better understanding... cause right now he probably feels like he isn't good enough. 2. Why do you feel as though he isn't strong enough to end it?
Darren Steez Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 You cheat because you know in the end he'll take you back. You love him to death yet you still cheat and you can't guarantee you won't do it again. So have you told him this. If so let him go and spare him the heartache. You're not mature enough to be in a proper relationship, go sow your wild oats till you settle down.
Cee Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I used to be a major cheater and I came to the realization that I didn't want to be in a relationship, I wanted to be alone. But it was hard because I thought I'd die without having a boyfriend. I NEEDED a boyfriend. Anyway, I got the courage to be alone and I got professional help at the same time. I was miserable for about a year, but then life got much better. I have been single for over 5 years now and I am happier than I've ever been. Sometimes cheating isn't about the relationship, it's about you as a person. Dig deep and ask yourself the hard questions, an answer will surface. Good luck.
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