lab_brat Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Hi, i'm not sure if this is in the right place? I was looking for advice, on how to move on. I recently got out of a relationship that left me feeling kinda knocked around, self-esteem wise. I know intellectually i'm not ugly, i'm smart and nice and a good person. But i cant seem to translate that into the outside dating world - i can barely look at men, especially if i find them attractive - i feel ugly, and worthless and too embarrassed to even try anymore. I want to get over it, and feel good about myself again so i can meet someone special one day, and i need advice on how to do that. I've been going to the gym a lot lately, really working as hard as i can, which is exhausting but really satisfying. I don't know what else to do. Any advice you guys have on getting over it and moving on would really help. Thanks
Sambo Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) Time will heal you and a positive mental attitude. The problem is how do you have a positive attitude when you feel like you do? The answer is .... you FORCE yourself to. I want you to repeat over and over to yourself 100x a day if you have to, that you are beautiful and that you deserve the most amazing man in the world and he will love me more then anything. I know it sounds simple but it will work if you do it and most importantly force yourself to believe it. Feel free to adapt it to suit your needs. The truth is you ARE beautiful ... we all are because we are made perfect in God. Edited August 25, 2010 by Sambo
Lost Fish Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 OK lab rat, since you bumped my thread, I'm bumpin yours! First you need to recognize whether your inability to move on is linked to you missing your ex - or if it is really more about your self-perception - that you feel "ugly, and worthless" as you said. First off - you are definitely not ugly, and judging by your intelligent posts here on LS I am sure you aren't worthless either. But it's one thing for me to write it - you have to believe it yourself. So... take a moment and think about the person you were like BEFORE you even entered the relationship with your ex. What kinds of things did you like to do? What made you happy? What are you good at? For example, for me - I used to sing in a choral group - something I'm good at and almost went professional (but was too afraid of the life of a starving artist). But for the past 2 years while in my relationship I quit the group and my world started to revolve more and more around my ex (ick). I had lost a lot of sense of myself. So I rejoined the group just a few weeks ago (I had to audition, but nailed it). Now that I'm singing again I'm reconnecting with old friends and starting to remember that damn, I'm pretty good at this stuff. And that instills confidence. I focused myself at work and tried to put in a little extra effort to impress my boss - it didn't go unnoticed and the admiration and praise from them helped boost me up. I also started the P90X workout regimen and finally got my 6-pack and chest and shoulders back, so I can look at myself in the mirror after I get out of the shower and go "NICE." lol. Another thing is that I went complete NC with the ex. She probably was shocked by it after a couple weeks of me no longer sending random texts. And after 23 days she reached out to me. And I ignored her. And it felt awesome and THAT actually boosted my confidence (after a day or so when I realized "oh, wow - I did it"). I also surround myself with friends who respect me and enjoy my company for who I am. I call my mom and talk to her about my life. Essentially, when I started to get down and lonely I got off my butt and did something about it. Every morning tell yourself in the mirror that you are awesome and you deserve happiness. It might feel silly at first, but if you keep doing it you will start to believe it. And a confident woman is soooo sexy. I always tell my friends that real beauty in a woman is 60% looks and 40% confidence. And you already have the looks part covered. So get well with yourself! Right now!
BiAxident Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 The biggest thing is cultivating a positive attitude. Like Sambo suggested, it is good to have a "mantra" that you repeat to yourself over and over. When you find negative thoughts entering your mind, you need to actively work to repress them. There is plenty of self-help literature our there that can help too, if you are open to that kind of thing. http://tinychat.com/myrelationship
9Lives Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 your mind is designed to be YOUR servant. Tell it WHAT to think. your mind is ruling you..telling things that are not true..stealing your human right to be happy with or without a man. the man is not the answer to this issue..you are. you don't need this person to be happy. just like a relationship where you have to put time into it...put that qork into yourself. figure out what makes u happy. I desire a rel but I'm not in one. therefore I'm gonna enjoy my single life...its a choice PERIOD. You can go home and feel sorry for yourself or you can do something with your life instead. there has to be something that you enjoy doing...work it out. yes some of all these feelings are coming from the breakup. you need a book to give your mind something else to think about. I know its hard. I have a very hard time but for the most part I'm free. my ex is a *******. he would love to hurt me more and make me feel worst but I'm tired of feeling bad. I work on it...it takes WORK...just like a rel takes work...so does being successfully single. so get your ass up!!! go figure out what makes you happy outside a rel...it could be cooking..maing candles...whatever. I'm thinking about taking a belly dancing class. that will make me feel sexy. find something to do..that is relly not a option. or you can go home and be unhappy and crazy...its your choice
Sambo Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I'm thinking about taking a belly dancing class. Can we see pics of that LOL I know that would cheer me up :D:D
Lost Fish Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Can we see pics of that LOL I know that would cheer me up :D:D /agree
9Lives Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 /agree im glad to know this is really a turn on! Game on for sure!
GrayClouds Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Read following and do all that it says, specially the exercise and new hobbies. Not lonely will it help you heal it will help with the self esteem: The No Contact Guide .
Author lab_brat Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Thankyou guys, this all looks so helpful, i've already started. Even just admitting to myself that i'm having a hard time right now makes me feel like ithere's hope. And that No Contact guide looks like a lifesaver - unfortunately i have to work with the dumbass But thats ok - I'l get over him. Next time perhaps i'll heed the warnings about getting involved with coworkers. Thanks so much xoxoxoxo
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hi, i'm not sure if this is in the right place? I was looking for advice, on how to move on. I recently got out of a relationship that left me feeling kinda knocked around, self-esteem wise. I know intellectually i'm not ugly, i'm smart and nice and a good person. But i cant seem to translate that into the outside dating world - i can barely look at men, especially if i find them attractive - i feel ugly, and worthless and too embarrassed to even try anymore. I want to get over it, and feel good about myself again so i can meet someone special one day, and i need advice on how to do that. I've been going to the gym a lot lately, really working as hard as i can, which is exhausting but really satisfying. I don't know what else to do. Any advice you guys have on getting over it and moving on would really help. Thanks One question: Is that you in the avatar?
Author lab_brat Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 yes, thats me? its like my one flattering pic though, i never look as decent in real life lol
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 All of us look like a bag of spuds sometimes, but honey - you have no problems on the outside. So build your confidence, and glow from the inside. Incidentally - there's nothing wrong with the inside, either....
PegNosePete Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 yes, thats me Oh yeah, I'd hit that! It's a cut and paste job though, the background isn't real The one of you in the lab coat is hot too, I love a woman in a lab coat
Author lab_brat Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 (edited) um thanks i think? Lab coat is more what i usually look like - less sexy, more bio hazard. And yeah, background is mastery of my friend's photo shop And thanks Tara - i just gotta get over it a bit i think xoxo Edited August 27, 2010 by lab_brat
PegNosePete Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Yeah believe TM, there's nothing wrong with your outside! You just need confidence and self-esteem.
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