sunandthemoon1 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Here is my story: Me and my boyfriend had been dating for 4 months, I am 20 & he is 26. Also, I am Canadian & he is Brazilian, recently moved here to work. He was eager to move into a serious relationship, even broaching subjects like marriage, having a baby, and going back home to Brasil with him to visit (and no, his citizenship is no longer an issue). But overall he was a normal, affectionate guy. We spent most of our time together, I was familiar with all his friends & stayed at his house. He was comfortable with my family as well, though when it came to my friends, I did get the sense that he preferred me to fit into his world than he try to fit into mine. He was often jealous when I would go out with my friends. Recently, while he was at work, I was using his computer and went to check my email. Apparently his settings were set to automatic login, because his inbox appeared right in front of me and...well, it just proved to be too tempting. An unknown stranger had been sending him emails threatening to tell some woman about pictures they had seen on facebook of us together. He had recruited a hacker to find out who the mystery person was, so obviously he did not want her to find out. When he returned home, I confronted him about this & he was mad that I had invaded his privacy and claimed I had interpreted everything wrong. Nonetheless, we agreed that there was nothing left to do but break up, but he could only last one week before wanting to get back together. I missed him too, wished I hadn't read his emails, & was convinced that I probably didn't know the whole story. So I (unwisely) let it go. However, just a few days ago, we were lying in bed & the hacker person sent him an IM. He was responding to the person right in front of me! So I lost it and told him that he needed to tell me what was going on and I would not drop it. After much frustrating cajoling, he hid his face & told me he had a gf of 7 yrs in Brasil. Although he hadn't seen her in 5 yrs, he has paid $25, 000 for her education. Apparently he did not even have sex with her before he left because he wants to be able to tell if she is still a virgin when they meet again...ughhh! He told me that he was very conflicted because he loves me, but now she is planning to move to Canada, and besides, it is time for him to marry & he knows I have no interest in that for the next few years. He still calls me often and does not want to lose contact with me. My question is, can we be friends at all? I know that I should no longer play a large role in his life, but I feel that if I ignore him completely, that seems more weak than if I respond in a very cool, friendly manner. I want to come across as strong & happy with my life as it is, which I am, though, admittedly, I am hurt. Though what he did was selfish and weak, I don't want to give off negative energy. What do you think, should I answer his phone calls or agree to meet him for coffee at some point? Thank you so much for any advice you might have, it is much appreciated at this emotionally confusing time!
Cee Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I think exes become friends because they genuinely like and care about each other. From what you have told me, he doesn't sound like friend material at all. His life sounds crazy and I think you are best to avoid his virgin girlfriend/fiancee (who he hasn't seen in 5 years) & his hacker/stalker buddy. I don't think the three of them would be much fun at parties.
Author sunandthemoon1 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 lol that's funny, but true! thanks.
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