a.lyons1 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Hi more or less broke up with the ex, two weeks ago after a trip to Ireland. I proposed and she accepted on the trip but eventually I took the ring off her as she behaved bratty and bitchy to me and I fund a text on er phone from a guy (I know!!!). Also, we had argued for 6 months over stupid petty things, we drank alot together, and her low self esteem really irritiated me. Also, my previous ex had threatened to take the kids off me as she didnt approve of the relationship, but she left me! (Very messy! and got me very upset, depressed and suicidal) We have been texting and arguing on the phone since then and last night she told me it was totally over for good. I no want no contact so I can find myself, be great again, live life but Im really struggling tonight. Help.
BiAxident Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Thats a terrible situation, going from slapping a ring on her to that! If you were ready to propose, you must still have some feelings? Perhaps it can be worked out? If you want to talk about it, we have a chatroom going at http://tinychat.com/myrelationship
Don Ho Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I understand it's tough bro, but maybe you should re-read what you wrote. Does that really sound like a good relationship and worth missing? Sounds like it was a bit of a living hell to me. Hang in there, you'll be fine.
Cameraman Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 The one who cares least controls the relationship. Do you mean that a couple should compete about who cares the least? Ok, try to care as little as possible. I guarantee you will get dumped.
Don Ho Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 That's not at all what I was saying nor meant. Maybe you should actually THINK before you write. BTW you're clearly a Dumpee
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Thanks Don Ho. Feeling a little better today, I was speaking to a friend and he said it was a TOXIC rship from day one. He also said my ex gf had traits of Passive/Aggressive Personality Disorder. What is that? Any thoughts anyone? I need to learn from my mistakes.
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 **** she rang me today. I broke effing NC!!!! ****ing pissed off. She rang to see how are things etc. Ended up in a bit of a row, as I couldnt resist saying to her that I didnt want her as a friend, I want us together but we sincerely need to make massive changes. She was unwilling to discuss those so I said **** it (didnt swear-but words to those affect), dont ring or contact me until you know what those changes are. Youve got to want to change for the good of the rship. She is oblivious to the fact she doesnt know what she wants-how hard is it to say hey babe, meet tomorrow can we talk about how to get the relationship back on course? Just wasting time here really. Back to NC....day 1:mad:
kickintheaz Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 ah tis always the Irish's fault!! (I hope you enjoyed our hospitality though when here!) now, to the matter in hand, TOXIC jumps out alright, least you are recognising that, sorry to hear ya going through it, but ya not alone.. as to telephone call, don't sweat it, its done.. Day 1 is hard, Day 2 is a little easier, but you need to BE STRONG... meeting 'tomorrow' won't fix this, only time, space and distance and perhaps during that time you'll realise how toxic the relationship was and how you don't want that... its hard to see the wood for the trees at this early stage, but you need to take the time to figure out what you want too, not just in this Rel, but in your life... be strong, post here, txt a friend, go running, cycling, gym-ing, eating, whatever it takes to stop the contact... this is it, this is a great time for you to start focusing on you and gaining back a little of that love for yourself that perhaps has been stolen! stay strong friend... as to the passive/aggressive thing, I not sure about that either, but trawl around here, I've seen tonnes of threads with that in the title!!!...
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Sorry, but Ireland leaves a bad taste in my mouth now! Anyways thanks for the reply. I know what I have to do. NC, and Ill only entertain contact if she comes knocking on my sodding door. Im starting to go out more, be with friends, been the gym for 2 weeks and starting kickboxing tonight.
kickintheaz Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Sorry, but Ireland leaves a bad taste in my mouth now! Anyways thanks for the reply. I know what I have to do. NC, and Ill only entertain contact if she comes knocking on my sodding door. Im starting to go out more, be with friends, been the gym for 2 weeks and starting kickboxing tonight. every morning after a night on the guinness I feel the same! Good man, thats the thinking... just be aware she may arrive and kick down the door someday and you'll be standing there with a lady friend and a puzzled look on your face.. Don't think of 'when' she comes calling, deal with it like she will never come calling... its easier... and stops the mental movie reel going into overtime.. and good work on the kickboxing!.. a great way to relieve the eh 'tension'...
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Yeah thanks. Ill kick some ass tonight
Don Ho Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 I see the brilliant "Cameraman" was a one post wonder. LOL
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Well update. Im in bits, I mean totally in bits! We met up today, she said she doesnt know what she wants as she needs time to think about things. Anyway, I said no, you either want me or not. I wanted closure. She said Im hurt and said our relationship wont work due to all the **** that happened. Anyway, Isaid I dont want to remain friends and dont want to speak to her again. Ive changed my number and cancelled her phone contract that I pay for, changed my email so NC here we come. Please support me in my darkest hours and days.
Don Ho Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Well update. Im in bits, I mean totally in bits! We met up today, she said she doesnt know what she wants as she needs time to think about things. Anyway, I said no, you either want me or not. I wanted closure. She said Im hurt and said our relationship wont work due to all the **** that happened. Anyway, Isaid I dont want to remain friends and dont want to speak to her again. Ive changed my number and cancelled her phone contract that I pay for, changed my email so NC here we come. Please support me in my darkest hours and days. Bro, you will be just fine. You just did the hardest part; you made a decision and changed all your contact info. She needs time to think. Fck that. You did the right thing. These are not your darkest hours and days bro, you just closed the door behind you and stepped out into the sunlight and a new life full of opportunities with a new woman in the future! You just don't realize it yet! So, get out, get busy, go exercise, go shopping, visit family, take up your old hobby again, move forward and never look back!
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Thanks mate, I know what I have to do. But its gonna be hard. Hows things with you Don Ho!?
Don Ho Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Of course it's tough. But you really did the hard part, closing the door and deleting all her contact info. I'm good thanks. My Ex said last week she couldn't have dinner because she had her daughter but we could have dinner this week. When I text her on Tuesday she said she had her daughter thurs nite. I text back "I didn't ask about thurs, what about the other nights?" She just replied "busy". Whatever. She says dinner this week and then she plays games. What a biatch. See when a woman dumps you, their feelings are usually totally gone. I mentioned dinner because I owed her from a bet we had prior to breaking up. I hadn't seen her or talked to her in like six weeks. I was good with it, I just wanted to meet up with her cuz she was a cool chick and lots of fun (plus I wanted to bang her some more, you know FWB). I wasn't going to bring up the relationship, what happened, nothing. I was just gonna play it cool and see if she pursued me. So much for that. Anyway, so I'm still seeing the new woman. We're going to the local pub this weekend to watch UFC. I think my Ex will be there, she usually is. Good. Then she can see me with my new one! LOL.
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 3 rd day on NC. Feeling better, thinking of her less and enjoying my life. Got a date next week with a hot chick. Guys it gets better, make a decision and stick with it. NC rules as you dont need to know how the ex is doing, and it doesnt hurt if you are in contact.
CailinPig Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 a.lyons1, thanks for posting, makes me feel a teeny bit better about NC, but why is it that it always seems guys get dates really quickly after NC and girls don't seem to. Or maybe it's just me! hahaha!
Don Ho Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Good for you bro! Now get out to Starbucks, the grocery store or where ever and meet a few more! Cailin, yes, it's probably you! LOL. Well if you sit at home all the time waiting for a guy to knock on your door, it's probably not going to happen!
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Update-4th day of no contact. Went on a hell of a bender over the weekend with mates, really enjoyed myself. Talked to lots of girls, and met a girl that was once best mates with the ex. She said that my ex was always a little crazy etc, and was surprised I stayed with her for 18 months! Anyways, that made me feel a little better. However, still feel very emotional and sad. On top of that I have a very strained back which is very painful and cant go the gym because of it. back to work tomorrow as well after the six week break (Im a teacher)!! So feeling low. 50% of me wants to ring her, 50% of me is saying no-whats the point? Just need a little support guys. Don Ho??
Don Ho Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Am here! LOL. NO bro DO NOT contact her! Ha! See always makes you feel better when you hear from their friends that your Ex is a little looney! I started hearing that from some of my friends about my Ex too and that explains a lot! Take some Naprosyn or Soma for your back and get back to the gym. There is NO POINT in contacting your Ex. Move forward bro.
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Hey guys need advice, the ex has broken NC and has emailed me the following, " Hey there, take it you have changed your number? Been really missing you!!! We really need to talk about us!! xxxxx" What shall I do? It was really a mutual breakup, advice guys please!!
leftfield Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I see the brilliant "Cameraman" was a one post wonder. LOL Haha, "one post wonder", I think you might be right Don Ho. Probably for the best though eh. a.lyons1, I'm just starting the NC again after a slight *ahem* hiccup, so I know just how you feel. But it is all going to get better from here on in, I have to believe that to keep myself sane, and hopefully you can too. Let's face it, things can't really get any worse. Hang in there pal, we will get out of this together.
leftfield Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Hey guys need advice, the ex has broken NC and has emailed me the following, " Hey there, take it you have changed your number? Been really missing you!!! We really need to talk about us!! xxxxx" What shall I do? It was really a mutual breakup, advice guys please!! Sorry, didn't notice this post at first. That is a pretty positive move on her part! I mean, if I got a message like that I'd be all over it like a rash, but then I did get dumped, there was no "mutual" about it. I would proceed with caution, which I'm sure you will do anyway, but that's a fairly strong indication that she feels there is still an "us" in your relationship. How do you feel about it though? You said it was a mutual decision, so have the things that made you want to break up in the first place changed at all? If not, then do you really want to go back down that road. It's a tough call, but maybe you should wait for her to be banging down your door before reacting. She might be just sounding you out because she feels a bit 'dissed' by you changing your number. But again, it depends on what you want for you. Most of the dumpees on here would be thrilled with that kind of email, but (and I apologise for this) I don't really know your full situation. Probably good that you're sounding it out on here though, you've got your sensible head on. I would have jumped at an email with that kind of content.
Author a.lyons1 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Thanks mate. I dont know what to do 50/50 about it. How can a toxic relationship change? We both really hated each other at the end, I know we had alot of stress on us, but it was really bad. I think Ill sleep on it, give it 36 hours and make a decision. I do however, want to know what she wants and I may give her one chance to win me back. I need to hear the right things about change, counselling, respect etc- I have made some changes in last 4 weeks for me, to make me a better person- she has to do the same if the rship is going anywhere. Is this sensible?
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