LostInTurn Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Dear B, I hope you have a nice time at Dave this weekend... Looking back, I realize a break was needed. We both needed to take a step back as I had mentioned a few times and just breathe. When I recount our relationship, I remember the dinner we had just days before the break with the 'trio of desserts'. We both did so much for one another. We both gave our all. Things did get tense. I started to pull away and I know you knew this. My reasons for doing so, are my reasons. I suppose that was my way of taking a break; rather than actually taking one. When I reached out after the break. I reached out too much, I know this. I know I looked weak. I know it pushed and you hate being pushed. It was reactions to your actions. Cause from emotion. I remember all the things you said to G, and how you said they were said out of anger. They were still said though. They were on the same level as the things I said. All hurtful to each other. Yet, never in a day did you apologize for speaking out of anger. I also know I said things that were mean as a reaction. I apologized because it was the right thing to do. I reached out to you twice in the past 3.5 weeks. Looking back, I'm not sure why. I didn't understand why you wouldn't just avoid the texts and emails and pick up the phone. It really made me think about you as a person who couldn't have a conversation with someone. I think things could have been handled differently, in a more adult fashion. I don't think it was necessary to make me feel as though I was a terrible person when that is far from the truth. I think we jumped the gun on many issues and should have been able to communicate more effectively. I could have walked away sooner. Do I wish I had? Perhaps. The night it all happened, do I wish I had just left and walked away? Absolutely. There are days when I wish we didn't try to accommodate in any way. Maybe things would have been different.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 So, this is a letter you sent him? It's a letter I want to send him. It's the letter I wish I sent a long time ago...
HopeLove Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Mmmhhh, I think it needs a review! Think about what is the message you want to give him. Do you want an answer? "My reasons for doing so, are my reasons" this is bad, this is not communications. Btw did you read the email?
Author LostInTurn Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 I'm not looking for a response. I can just think a bit more clearly after the time that's past and compile my thoughts in a better way. Saying I had my reasons, is true. I did have my reasons. A friend read the email. She basically said, that I need to respect his decision and if I think there's any chance it could work, I shouldn't contact him and let it be because that doesn't help. I want to break NC.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 would it make any difference if we told you not to, and to also not send the letter?
HopeLove Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I agree with your friend, I'm just not convinced with your email. E.g. when you said you had your reasons, that's fine, just tell him again in the letter what your reasons were or don't say anything but if you are happy with the letter as it is than it's fine. Yesterday night I tried to sleep and I couldn't and then decided to break NC. I know, I'm a bad example, specialy at LS were almost everyone love the NC rule but I feel much better now. I sent him a short email telling him I was still waiting for an answer about an email I sent him 2 wks ago. That he doesn't care about me though he says the opposite and therefore I didn't understand. I remind him I think ignoring someone is cruel and that didn't know why but need to meet him and he should let me know when.
HopeLove Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Just to clarify, I would sent the letter, I'm just not convinced with the content of it.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 TaraMaiden: Yes. HopeLove: I said the same things to my ex. He says he cares, but doesn't show it and ignoring someone is not ok. You're in the anger stage bordering on acceptance. I don't think I should need to spell out the reasons though. He hasn't respected me and called me. Stupid... this whole thing is just stupid now. I was a part of that relationship. I just need to remember my worth. He's not the best person ever. Give me a break. Maybe he loved me more than anyone has and we experienced new things together, but so what. He knows that. He has the memories. He'll live with them. He won't just forget me. Whatever. I hate this.
Recommended Posts