response needed

[manchild]

Well I will try to keep it as brief as possible its extremely long and lot. Ok first off we met she was 17 and i was 9 yrs older so she didnt want to tell her mom yet so we kept it secret for last 4 years she is almost 21 now, we even have had secret phones so we could talk in those years. anyways we talked alot for first few months and we hit it off then abou t8 months in she told me one night she had weird feeling and thought it was love but fought it cuz we so far apart age wise. but neways it was great and i told her i loved her too and it took off after a year of knowing each other we became intimate when she was almost 19 which was hard for me and her cause how we were as people but we did it was great and for the last 3 years she said i was the one and marrying me etc.. we got along great i mean no fights nothing just lil childish jealously both ways etc.. but she wanted to wait til she told her mom like she was 20 or so..

 

well last spring 09 she was trainging to be cheerleader for her college and her trainer starting texting her he was married and she said to quit but he kept on well i found out she texted back quite bit and sent him two pics well she gave me passwords to all her accounts email facebook etc..well i was hurt i told her off and we never broke up but it got back to normal and was great again and she really tried to make me happy and be truthful etc.. well this june 6 th she told me a guy at church asked her for her number and she said no but another girl gave it to him. well he texted her but she didnt text back i knew password to phone acct so knew it was truth.well three days later i found out she had talked on phone with him at her house i was furious i met her and told her off adn we cried and i was pissed and she said sorry and junk but didnt know what to do etc.. now what is crazy two days before this we were intimate and how much she loved me etc, and couldnt wait til we married whole nine yards. well i told her to cut him off and dont talk to him i blocked his number on her phone and she talked to him on cell in front of me but i could just tell he would keep pursuing it.

 

well let me tell you about this guy wow this is not jealous stuff either this is real deal he got arrested last june for shaken his baby to death he is out on bond and with court proceedings slow who knows how long it take and crap. but see she wouldnt give a guy like this tim of day she is 4.0 student going be a doctor and goo dhead on shoulders classy gorgeous and why lower her standards to guy with this past even she said i know this is bad but he told me he drank smoked before adn drugs but has changed and has GOd now and he is putting on his best act no doubt always on facebook he writes love you jesus and thank you lord etc.. all the time and first 3 weeks he kept writing thank you for my angel and stuff like this wow what a joke and that he loved her in 3 weeks and she even told me that she told him it was moving to fast for that and he said well i feel that way so im going to say it.

 

well we talked still from june 13th-17th and still said love each other etc.. but then she said we didnt need say it anymore or whatever i went NC til 23rd and it was hard texted and she said surprised to hear from you but it was good we talked lil next few days i went seen her at work and stuff and we hugged and said sry etc.. then went NC again til july 3rd and went to see her at work and we talked lil and i said what are you thinking with this guy and she said she didnt know what to believe but he seemed changed, and that he told her bout his past and the death of baby and stuff but he wasnt like that and over that and really for the better yadayada all this time i really havnt down this guy cuz i knew it would push her more into him. anyways she said i knew youre worried and she would be careful etc.. well I didnt go see her til july 23rd and we talked but kinda distant she was and she just kept asking bout me and work and stuff so thats weird well next week i was in florida and she called me friday 30 and we talked for 30 minutes it was good talk and we kinda flirted back and forth even she instigated some of it and it was really good converation but then she went silent rest weekend I get back and i havnt seen her for 3 weeks except couple time on road etc.

 

well last weekend the 15th i sent her text saying that i couldnt hold it in anymore that how she just threw me away like pair socks etc. and that she dated some guy with past and that all the guys she talked about over years ofd being trashy etc that she was serious with one and junk and that i was worried for as friend because she told me i was still her best friend and junk well she wrote back monday the 16th saying he was not like that and he has changed everyone can see that and he is totally different person than past and he didnt do the crime i know cuz of what he has told me and i was ok whatever you were there? and few othere things and then she said cant we just try to move on we cant keep talking behind his back it is not fair and that it would be best if we try to move on and not talk as much well she kept this secret phone charged for two months and junk what the crap then i wanted to talk well she called me tuesday and we talk.

 

i told her that i was sry for being controlling and it showed me that but i was trying to hold on to her etc.. and she asked about my life and she really wanted to lknow how i was and stuff and she said sry for what i did but the feeligns had changed and werent there now etc.. i was like four years just gone after soulmate talk and marriage and she said i did think and want those things with but sometimes people think the person they with is it then they breakup i said ok didnt whine fight it or whatever and i did ask at end so there well never be chance for us a friends or more later and she i never said any of that we just need space right now? i said ok bye love you and she alomst said it it sounded like she was bout to but caught herself weird but anyway NC since last tuesday and im going to stay that way cuz it kinda helped last week when she said all that and im tired of it and just kinda pissed to but deep down i still got feeling she will come back weird we had strong connection like that knowing things about each other she even said that she knows what im thinking and where im at and can "feel " me still we just had strong bond like that weird to explain but she has no answer for me when i say what if he goes to jail which how could that evidence get surpressed where he wouldnt i mean the charge is 2nd degree murder wow and she i kn ow it looks bad but he didnt.

 

wow he has filled her full of BS and acted like a good lil boy im not a fool! hope true colors show. but at this point i do love her but after whatr she has doen treated me i really dont know how i woudl react to reconcillign if that ever came around.well there is more details which i can tell you but this is main story line what ytour thoughts on NC and does she Love me at all? or will NC help any sucesses with this etc.. anythought good or bad welcomed

[manchild]

somebody give opinion nobody will even hint at anything or their thoughts

[quankanne]

let her go. You started dating her when she was still in high school, my guess is that she's grown up and wants to experience life (as in dating, seeing other people, etc). A very normal thing.

 

you aren't going to stop worrying about someone you care for, but you'll also understand that the biggest part of loving someone is giving them their freedom when they ask for it.

[a.lyons1]

Too controlling man, you suffer from a typical man trait of being a wuss, so what if she's younger than you, pretty etc? Get some balls and be a man, youre as good as anyone. WHo gives you the right to control her FB, phone etc? She wants out of the rship but hasnt got the heart to tell you as you may freak out and do something stupid (thats in my opinion).

 

Break it for good and work on yourself. I know I sound harsh but you cant live like this. Women like men who are confident, stable and supportive.

[manchild]

so i see today on my exs facebook that she put a bible verse like people at her church do all the time but she never has done this what the crap? but she put cast off the darkness and put on armour of light roman 13:12 is she aiming that at us or me or whatever cuz i mean look at her new BF wow or am i looking into this to much

[a.lyons1]

WTF. Delete her as a friend, stop checking up on her and concentrate on your life. Please or you'll go mad. Take it from me, I did that, got the tshirt etc and it just drives you mad. Remember, if you act cool, not bothered, trust her she would not have left in the first place. Get some inner calm and some dignity. Stop checking her out, period!!

[manchild]

yea you are right cuz it opens wounds again and makes me think gah!! and what were you about to put in there remember stay cool not bothered then you stopped so whats that about? anyways i m not going to contact her or whatever trust me i havnt tried this to get over it so i hafta any thoughts on her mind etc.??

[Lost Fish]

Dude, you are so lost right now and you still don't see it.

 

Who cares what her thoughts are? It doesn't matter.

 

You need to divert all this thinking and energy back into yourself. Go completely no contact. Cancel the "secret phones." Delete her as a friend on facebook. Don't look at her page at all anymore.

 

Take it in stages. Like today I won't check her facebook at all and if I find myself thinking about her I will do 10 push ups.

 

Start focusing on you and start believing that there are better women out there. You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Once you start to truly accept that this is over then you will start to move forward.

 

You haven't let go of her yet and until you finally do - as in tell yourself 100 times "it's over with her I have to move on with my life" - then you will still be trapped in this rut of wondering and waiting for her.

 

Be a better man than that.

 

Good luck, I know it's hard and I can see your pain in your writing. But know that it can and will get easier once you let her go.

[manchild]

you know it helps so much to have people push you and talk to them thats what has helped me most out of all the techniques, workouts, etc. but i do appreciate the tough love yall are so true you hafta let go as a person i just know that what we had was so real and her dropping it hurts so much i have been praying and working on it so hard its been lil over 2 months i hafta im tired of feeling im actually kinda flirting talking to another girl now but i compare her so much to the other one gah stop it dang it!!!!!!!!!!!! but thanks keep responses coming from all points of view its GREAT!!!! thanks GOD is with us all please stay strong

[manchild]

where all the peeps at i need some more advice please