SteveSmaith Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) Hello I met a girl just over 4 years ago, I fell head over heals in love with her when we first met she was the nicest girl I have ever met, we moved in together after a short while and then we moved to another part of the country together I was really happy I thought I had found “the one” , we started working at a hotel together and everything was fine until she started talking about children then I started to feel different about her, then one day she told me she was pregnant and I felt awful she wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy but I talked her out of it and she had an abortion, soon after she became depressed and things started to fall apart, I never wanted to have sex with her through fear of her becoming pregnant again and also she started to put on a lot of weight and I didn’t find her as physically attractive as I used to, then I started going out with friends again and I thought about cheating on her although I never followed it though, I still loved her very much but I was offered a job which was one months work away from home and I decided that If I didn’t miss her while I was away I would end the relationship when I got back, from the job so I did, baring in mind she was absolutely besotted with me and worshipped the ground I walked on she went to pieces she was totally devastated, the plan was she was going to go back to her parents and I was going to stay put and work alone, but she had to work out her notice at work, in the mean time she was offered a job in the city and so she rented a flat and stayed here, I knew I was the only reason she stayed in the city and she would phone me every day and invite me around every night, and we would see each other all the time we stayed really good friends and I started to think that maybe I had made a mistake and I hadn’t finished with her and then one day about 2 months later she told me she had been asked out on a date ,I was surprised how upset I was and we agreed to meet up for a chat that day, she could see I was upset and she asked me if there was any chance we could get back together and (this is the biggest regret of my life) I told her no, I guess I was confused, the week leading up to the date I literally fell apart I was devastated I have never been so hurt in all my life, the day of the date I went to see her and told her I had made a mistake and I loved her and was ready to start a family with her I really meant it, I did have a slight doubt in my mind that maybe I was saying that in order to get her back, but she told me she needed to think about things and that she wouldn’t meet her date, the next day I got up early and went around to her flat with some breakfast and she was In and there was another man there who had obviously stayed the night, she told me she was sorry but I hurt her so much she could never get back together with me, as you can imagine I hit rock bottom, I wrote her letters telling her how I feel and how sorry I was for hurting her but I knew in my heart that she had made up her mind, I went to see a therapist in hope to make sense of this sudden change of heart about having kids because I wanted to be sure I wanted them for the right reason, after some sessions I/we came to the conclusion that I was afraid of the commitment and it was all very deep rooted as I never knew my own father etc, but one thing was sure for the first time on my life I could see a future with kids in it and I wanted that. It’s been around 5 months now since we split and I still think about her every day and every night I, I even dream about her, I have this terrible feeling of regret and I am still so in love with her, we have tried to remain friends but mainly due to my jealousy it has been difficult and we have had arguments over things I have said about her new boyfriend, the thing is I know the guy vaguely well and he seems like a nice enough guy but I cannot for the life of me see what she see’s in him, he’s 20 years older than her for a start she’s 23 he’s 43, he’s very unattractive, short, overweight and bald, he still lives with his mum, he’s also very boring and reserved, in contrast she is very attractive, outgoing , fun girl with a great sense of humour who is liked by everyone she meets, I’ve never met anyone like her, now I know I’m a good looking guy , I’m physically fit I have never had any problems meeting woman, I’m outgoing confident, romantic, caring, I’m very social and have lots of friends, and a very popular person, (I’m really not arrogant I’m just trying to paint a picture here). I know it sounds like I’m just bitter, but all of our friends think the same thing, there not taking sides because there good friends with my ex as well and they wouldn’t say something just because they think it’s what I want to hear, even her mum who she is very close to does not approve although she hasn’t said anything to my her, basically people are saying that they don’t know what she sees in him and it’s more than likely a rebound relationship even the people who know him are saying the same thing, his sister is worried that he’s going to get hurt. In the past few months I have been trying to re-adjust to single life, and I’ve been out on few dates and have had a few one night stands, but it feels like I’m just trying t fill a void left by my ex, everyone I have met I cannot help but to compare them to her and they just don’t measure up to her in my mind, I feel like I’m living in limbo at the moment , I’m not sure if I’m waiting for my ex’s relationship to end so I can try to get her back or if I only want her because she’s with someone else, one thing I don’t understand is that she begged me to take her back with tears in her eyes then literally a week later she tells me she’s not in love with me anymore. I guess what I’m asking is: A: Does this sound like a classic rebound relationship and should I wait for her? B: Do I just want her because someone else has her? C: What do I do about it? Thank you for taking the time to read this [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Thank you for your advice[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]R[/sIZE][/FONT] Edited August 25, 2010 by SteveSmaith
Author SteveSmaith Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Hello I met a girl just over 4 years ago, I fell head over heals in love with her when we first met she was the nicest girl I have ever met, we moved in together after a short while and then we moved to another part of the country together I was really happy I thought I had found “the one” , we started working at a hotel together and everything was fine until she started talking about children then I started to feel different about her, then one day she told me she was pregnant and I felt awful she wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy but I talked her out of it and she had an abortion, soon after she became depressed and things started to fall apart, I never wanted to have sex with her through fear of her becoming pregnant again and also she started to put on a lot of weight and I didn’t find her as physically attractive as I used to, then I started going out with friends again and I thought about cheating on her although I never followed it though, I still loved her very much but I was offered a job which was one months work away from home and I decided that If I didn’t miss her while I was away I would end the relationship when I got back, from the job so I did, baring in mind she was absolutely besotted with me and worshipped the ground I walked on she went to pieces she was totally devastated, the plan was she was going to go back to her parents and I was going to stay put and work alone, but she had to work out her notice at work, in the mean time she was offered a job in the city and so she rented a flat and stayed here, I knew I was the only reason she stayed in the city and she would phone me every day and invite me around every night, and we would see each other all the time we stayed really good friends and I started to think that maybe I had made a mistake and I hadn’t finished with her and then one day about 2 months later she told me she had been asked out on a date ,I was surprised how upset I was and we agreed to meet up for a chat that day, she could see I was upset and she asked me if there was any chance we could get back together and (this is the biggest regret of my life) I told her no, I guess I was confused, the week leading up to the date I literally fell apart I was devastated I have never been so hurt in all my life, the day of the date I went to see her and told her I had made a mistake and I loved her and was ready to start a family with her I really meant it, I did have a slight doubt in my mind that maybe I was saying that in order to get her back, but she told me she needed to think about things and that she wouldn’t meet her date, the next day I got up early and went around to her flat with some breakfast and she was In and there was another man there who had obviously stayed the night, she told me she was sorry but I hurt her so much she could never get back together with me, as you can imagine I hit rock bottom, I wrote her letters telling her how I feel and how sorry I was for hurting her but I knew in my heart that she had made up her mind, I went to see a therapist in hope to make sense of this sudden change of heart about having kids because I wanted to be sure I wanted them for the right reason, after some sessions I/we came to the conclusion that I was afraid of the commitment and it was all very deep rooted as I never knew my own father etc, but one thing was sure for the first time on my life I could see a future with kids in it and I wanted that. It’s been around 5 months now since we split and I still think about her every day and every night I, I even dream about her, I have this terrible feeling of regret and I am still so in love with her, we have tried to remain friends but mainly due to my jealousy it has been difficult and we have had arguments over things I have said about her new boyfriend, the thing is I know the guy vaguely well and he seems like a nice enough guy but I cannot for the life of me see what she see’s in him, he’s 20 years older than her for a start she’s 23 he’s 43, he’s very unattractive, short, overweight and bald, he still lives with his mum, he’s also very boring and reserved, in contrast she is very attractive, outgoing , fun girl with a great sense of humour who is liked by everyone she meets, I’ve never met anyone like her, now I know I’m a good looking guy , I’m physically fit I have never had any problems meeting woman, I’m outgoing confident, romantic, caring, I’m very social and have lots of friends, and a very popular person, (I’m really not arrogant I’m just trying to paint a picture here). I know it sounds like I’m just bitter, but all of our friends think the same thing, there not taking sides because there good friends with my ex as well and they wouldn’t say something just because they think it’s what I want to hear, even her mum who she is very close to does not approve although she hasn’t said anything to my her, basically people are saying that they don’t know what she sees in him and it’s more than likely a rebound relationship even the people who know him are saying the same thing, his sister is worried that he’s going to get hurt. In the past few months I have been trying to re-adjust to single life, and I’ve been out on few dates and have had a few one night stands, but it feels like I’m just trying t fill a void left by my ex, everyone I have met I cannot help but to compare them to her and they just don’t measure up to her in my mind, I feel like I’m living in limbo at the moment , I’m not sure if I’m waiting for my ex’s relationship to end so I can try to get her back or if I only want her because she’s with someone else, one thing I don’t understand is that she begged me to take her back with tears in her eyes then literally a week later she tells me she’s not in love with me anymore. I guess what I’m asking is: A: Does this sound like a classic rebound relationship and should I wait for her? B: Do I just want her because someone else has her? C: What do I do about it? Thank you for taking the time to read this
kickintheaz Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 [quote=SteveSmaith;2961508 A: Does this sound like a classic rebound relationship and should I wait for her? B: Do I just want her because someone else has her? C: What do I do about it? Thank you for taking the time to read this Hey Op, I'll be honest, I skipped over some of the details, but your ex of a couple of years whom you broke up with 5 months ago is with another man... thats the bones of the story as I got it, the rest of it is the emotional side and the details that everyone has their own version of.. just wanna get to your questions, because it does not matter HOW long, HOW nice, HOW cute, HOW in love, HOW it started and stopped, breakups will NEARLY ALWAYS lead to these 3 questions.. A. It doesn't matter if its rebound or soulmate, why would you wait?? Get out, live your life, sort yourself out and become happy with who you are.. if this is the girl who you end up with it will happen in its OWN TIME.. not by you forcing it, not by you sitting around waiting for her to come back.. to be honest, theres probably a slim chance she will based on what ye went through, but even if she does, do you want her to see the same man that is her ex? NO... MOVE ON LIKE SHE IS NOT COMING BACK.. B. Quite possibly until you can move on emotionally and mentally, you are never gonna know how ya feel about her. LET HER GO AND MOVE ON.... distance and time will tell you how you feel about her. C. MOVE ON. get yourself sorted.. gym, read, study, date, get back your confidence and self esteem, your self respect and your own thoughts... its hard OP I know, been there done that (read some of my previous early threads to see what a mess I was).. 12 months waiting for ex... all I got was a 12 month hole in my life.. I look back and realise that now I've FREEDOM.. I am happy with me, finally and I am happy that I don't want her.. if she kicked in the door tomorrow I'd be asking her to go... sorry if I sound harsh, but sometimes one needs a to the point assessment.. it eventually worked for me!
Author SteveSmaith Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Thanks for replying to this thread, I know I ramble on a bit, I know your right I do need to move on and give it some time and get on with my life, It's just the distance thing is a bit of a problem, you see my ex and I have the same circle of friends she's even started working part time at my local pub, and where I live is a very small city it's imposible to avoid her, I recently went away for a two week holiday made some new friends had a few one night stands, I came back feeling great but then I bump in to her in the street and I get all emotional, I know the best thing for me is to have no contact and i've told her this, but every now and then she makes up some excuse to see me, like she acidently put my delivery address for a parcel or can I come round an borrow some crappy £5 chair, or "I wouldn't ask but can you look after the dog", she knows how upset I am but makes no effort to avoid me, I've just taken her off my facebook friends list because she keep's updating her status with things like "my boyfriend is wonderfull" "having a great time with him" etc, I don't really want to hear about it if you know what I mean!! She's not a nasty person at all I just dont think she understands what I'm going through and exactly how hurt I am. I'm even considering moving away, but I love my job and have good friends here.
kickintheaz Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Thanks for replying to this thread, I know I ramble on a bit, I know your right I do need to move on and give it some time and get on with my life, It's just the distance thing is a bit of a problem, you see my ex and I have the same circle of friends she's even started working part time at my local pub, and where I live is a very small city it's imposible to avoid her, I recently went away for a two week holiday made some new friends had a few one night stands, I came back feeling great but then I bump in to her in the street and I get all emotional, I know the best thing for me is to have no contact and i've told her this, but every now and then she makes up some excuse to see me, like she acidently put my delivery address for a parcel or can I come round an borrow some crappy £5 chair, or "I wouldn't ask but can you look after the dog", she knows how upset I am but makes no effort to avoid me, I've just taken her off my facebook friends list because she keep's updating her status with things like "my boyfriend is wonderfull" "having a great time with him" etc, I don't really want to hear about it if you know what I mean!! She's not a nasty person at all I just dont think she understands what I'm going through and exactly how hurt I am. I'm even considering moving away, but I love my job and have good friends here. right, just a few things jumped out at me there in your post, all bolded: distance is a bit of a problem? every thing labelled a problem has a solution... find yours... Its impossible to avoid her.. WHY??? unless you live in a city comprising of just you her and her boyf, it is NOT impossible, change your routine, Do not goto that bar, don't travel the same ways ya used to, come on bro, work with me a little, there are ALWAYS ways to avoid those we don't want to see... the next few run together: you told her you want to go NC She knows how upset you are and She's Not nasty??? sorry, but she is a class 1 bi-itch.... she knows exactly what she is doing, she is playing you, she is assuaging her guilt by finding ways to see you and keep one foot in your door. She has her boyf and yet she comes to you for the other stuff... read the threads on here, its all b/s.. breadcrumbs, she gets off with him and is an emotional leech to you. Because you LET HER.... so stop that.. Next time you hear can I? your answer is "I have told you I don't want to speak to you or hear from you, I am moving on in my life as you are now so please do not contact me again". She is showing you ZERO respect, come on OP,... you can see it, you just don't want to acknowledge it fully, but the time is NOW.. change your routine around town go see your new friends more.. the mutual friends? see them without her and make sure they understand you do not want to hear ANYTHING of that girl... if they are your true friends, they won't mention her ever again! and when she pops up looking for a favour, a flat out, manly, NO DICE.. and keep walking... This is about you now, take back control of your life and emotions... and you'll be surprised what a change in routine, walk/drive this street instead of that street, don't go in that shop, but go in that one.. it helps, it works but most of all tis NECESSARY!!!!!!
106rob Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 not meaning to sound like a knob here but...you made your bed now you have to lie init mate you ended it with her left her deverstated thinking all kinds no doubt,played the friends routine while it suited you and now she has managed to get over you and meet someone else, its only now you suddenly want her back......
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